(no subject)

[castrationfist]

Who: A ~mysterious anonymous text post~ and you!
Broadcast: Anonymous text
Action: The Vanquish, if you can figure her out.
When: Now!

[Caster's bored, and she hasn't started a war in a while, so at some point when no one's looking too hard, an anonymous text post appears on the network:]

Which are cuter, cats or dogs?

Comments

[brainiest]

It's not a line!

[ Because that's what you should focus on, right. ]

[castrationfist]

It was all heartfelt?! Have mercy on your Tamamo!

[brainiest]

I try to! Honestly.

[castrationfist]

Really...
But really, what a confession-sounding line!
You must have had women throwing themselves at you if you behave like that...

1/2

[brainiest]

Not really? The only person who was ever really interested in me was Gilgamesh.

[brainiest]

I mean. Not properly interested. He wasn't really interested in me. Really.

[ Oops. ]

[castrationfist]

[WELL, THAT'S ONE WAY TO DERAIL THE CONVERSATION]

No, you're right.
In thousands of years, that man has never once cared for anything more than his own ego.

[brainiest]

I think he cared for a little more than he let people know, Tamamo, but his priority was always himself.

[castrationfist]

... Well.
Perhaps that's not entirely true.
But it's certainly been that way ever since his mud doll died.
And in the end, he even joined the Umbral Star's forces.

[brainiest]

The doll was Enkidu, right? I read the Epic of Gilgamesh - he gave it to me as a present. What were the Umbral Star?

[castrationfist]

Before his time.
Fourteen thousand years ago, at the end of the first Age of Gods, the star that came to consume civilization of Earth.
Their White Titan, Sefar

[There's a brief pause in the messages.]

Actually, that's a long story and we don't have any tea here, so let's skip that.
But it came by Earth again after 14,000 years to try to consume all civilization again, with their vanguard Altera, who Gilgamesh joined with, and with the tactician Archimedes.
But my wonderful Master beat all of them, and saved the Earth and Moon alike!
Isn't Hakuno amazing?

[she'll just. quietly leave out Nero's involvement.]

[brainiest]

She's definitely amazing. She must have been incredible.

[ Just because she knows Gilgamesh, okay. ]

[castrationfist]

She is!
The kindest and most incredible human who has ever lived!
In fourteen thousand years, I've never seen a soul so handsome!
And so bold as to take in a humble Servant of an enemy Master like myself...
Ahh, my heart is pounding just thinking about that passionate gaze again!

[brainiest]

I'm really glad you had someone so special to take care of you, Tamamo.

[castrationfist]

Well, I did some of the taking care of, too. It was a Holy Grail War, after all.
I hope you get to meet her one day.

[brainiest]

Of course. You were together, so it's natural.

I'd like to meet her, I think. She sounds lovely.

[castrationfist]

She's amazing, so I'm sure she'll show up one day! Just hope that insufferable Ms. Saber doesn't come with her.

[brainiest]

Saber, too? I hope she stays right where she is.