driftfleet | » we're all starstruck in september

Well. That's just the thing, isn't it? Neither of us are the mentioning sort.

[ neither her nor steve. whatever they might have speculated upon, considered, or discussed regarding the private lives of friends and colleagues has stayed firmly behind those doors. quiet, furtive, and kept to themselves.

until now, it seems. whoops. ]

[A quick bark of laughter at that.]

So I'm the subject of gossip. Got it. Won't be the first time.

[And neither Steve nor Peggy are stupid or oblivious. Still...

Natasha crosses her arms, tapping her fingers against one bicep once in a thoughtful progression. She's probably being unfair. And it's not as though her love life is exactly a secret, either. Wrath knows. Hell, probably all of Heron does, if they care enough to think about it at all.

But that doesn't mean she's sure she wants to volunteer anything. For so long this thing with her and Barnes has seemed fragile. That first time she kissed him on the mouth, she was half sure he'd run away. When she told him she wanted him to kiss her back, the look on his face... as though it were a surprise, as though he couldn't have predicted that she'd be interested in something like that.

It's been a while since that was a fear though, and the one good thing to come out of calibrations seems to be how it pushed them past their last hesitation.

They are good together.

Maybe it's hypocritical of Natasha to expect Peggy and Steve to share their happiness while quietly hiding her own? Not the first or worst way Natasha has ever been a hypocrite, but still. Her lips twitch.]

Well, you can tell speculators that if there's something on their mind they should just ask.

[ it's not gossip. though peggy won't begrudge the word -- but she would argue that she's been the butt of gossip in the past and the very mild, very respectful exchange she and steve shared on the subject had been nothing like that crass indulgence. they'd made note of the pair at the party on telluria, made note of a few details beyond that, and then resolved to let the other pair come to that confession on their own with no nudges nor no meddling needed.

but for all the whole lot of them keep to themselves, there's still a notable line in the sand dividing them up. ]

That's just it. I doubt he feels he needs to ask. I know I don't. [ 'quid pro quo' being only a concept tied to the very imbalanced nature of this particular conversation. and, perhaps, to signal a bit of intel that peggy believed she'd already known. ] Didn't. Before -- [ a twirl of her finger. ] Even now, I'm not asking.

[ but! she crinkles her nose. ]

If he did ask, [ she's still speaking of steve, ] and if he knew for certain? I know he'd be pleased. For the pair of you.

I'm sure he would be. [And maybe that was part of why it hasn't been mentioned. His being happy for them, the pressure of his attention, might have seemed like too much of a risk before.

Now...?] I'll let him know once I know for certain what to say.

I'd offer my assurances that you'll have that opportunity to let him know first but -- [ a crinkle of her nose. look at her life just now, romanoff. look at her troubles. ]

For what it's worth -- I should just about manage not to spill the beans. It isn't as though the topic is one commonly raised between us. [ ... ] And certainly not recently.

[ too many other things to talk about. ]

[Natasha waves her hand just a little, not bothering to unfold her arms.]

I trust your judgment on that. Honestly, I'm not too worried about it.

-- Perhaps I envy you your cool-headedness on the matter.

[ which is an odd thing to say. but doubtless natasha can recall how even more tight-lipped peggy had been nearer to when steve had first arrived in the fleet. she'd always, always, always worried about the optics.

she'd been burned by the chatter after the war. it was a challenge to risk inviting that back onto herself once more. she'd had to learn, slowly, that the people in the fleet didn't talk like the people in the office. ]

Don't. [Natasha shrugs.] Not all of us can be Russian.

[ oh, hell, she laughs. it's an earnest sound. belly-deep, albeit not particularly happy. ]

You know, they made a radio programme. After the war. [ peggy settles into a seat on a cargo crate, the truth spilling out with sharp confidence. ] The Captain America Adventure Program. In every hour, a battalion triage nurse would be captured by Nazis only to be rescued in the nick of time by -- well. [ she doesn't need to say that much, does she? ]

They named her Betty Carver. Oh, they got all sorts of details wrong. Like his plane crashing in the Sea of Japan instead of the Atlantic and -- and I suppose any Tom, Dick, or Harry listening at home was none the wiser but it's not as though the rest of the SSR didn't know.

[ that betty carver's name was never betty carver. she was never a nurse. not a blonde, neither. ]

It was rather nice keeping things under wraps, here, for once.

[ because even men she'd worked with, men who'd never met steve rogers, seemed to assume she'd been friendly with him during the war. ]

[Natasha hums, a thoughtful noncommittal sound as she accepts this information.

There's a pause, though, as Natasha does think about it. She sees what Peggy is implying. Being back on this sort indirect communication is almost refreshing for Natasha.

Strange what a person can find comforting.

She considers quid pro quo. The irony of Peggy's glitch is that Natasha feels inclined to reciprocate. Even knowing the psychology behind the impulse, it's still there.]

You know they made an action figure of me, after New York?

[Is this a tangent? Probably. But it's something. If they're going to try to start something new between them they might as well start on the right foot. If the exchange of information is a little transactional in that respect, that only makes it easier for her to actually put it in words.]

That was before I had to dump SHIELD's files on all of us on the internet, to expose Hydra, but they still make them. Not as popular as Iron Man or Captain America, don't get me wrong. I'm not the main attraction here, but still... these... dolls. Like I was a superhero too.

I hate them. A spy? Really?

[She nods a little, maybe trying to draw a parallel. Maybe just sharing something not completely unrelated.]

I got one of them in the gift basket I got from the hosts when I got back to Vanquish.

[ hell, she doesn't even know what an action figure is. but she can suss it out. all the better, still, when nat goes so far as to call them dolls. and the very notion already has her scowling. a great deal of it is steve-based: she can't stand the merchandising, the propagandizing, the huzzah, captain america of it all.

but then she sets aside her gut reaction and allows herself to peel apart natasha's protest. peggy could sit back and tell her that spy or not she's just as deserving of the public's praise for her part in the battle of new york, and what happens afterward besides. but peggy isn't that sort of conversationalist. she isn't here to split hairs on heroism.

besides, her most honest answer is simply: ] Christ. I hope you shoved it out the airlock.

It's still in my bunk.

[She never bothered getting rid of it.]

Right next to the chocolate covered espresso beans.

[ peggy pulls a face. ]

Ugh, you can bloody well airlock those as well. [ blegh. ]

Don't knock it 'til you've tried it.

[Her response light, more joking than serious.]

Guess I'm not the type to get rid of something that might be useful later on.

And what use do you expect to find for your dollish self, hm?

[Masochism?]

You never know what might come up. It makes for a pretty good story, at least.

[One she never tells, and doesn't want to.]

Perhaps. [ peggy shakes her head. ] But if I were you I'm not convinced I could keep it around.

[ but she is, of course, not natasha. ]

[There's no denying how different they are in that respect.]

Not sure you'd be wrong to get rid of it either. But maybe if I keep it around, it'll keep me honest.

Honest. [ she echoes with a snort. ] Yes. Well. Do let us know how that works out for you.

If I find out, I will.

I suppose it was foolish of me to think that sort of thing might have fallen out of fashion. Lunch pails and dolls and comic books. [ and radio shows. ]

I don't think things like that ever go out of style. They just... evolved. There's always kids who want heroes.

Edited 2017-09-09 21:41 (UTC)

[ kids who want heroes. she can't help it; her nose crinkles. perhaps she should be more sympathetic to the phenomenon, but she doesn't quite manage it. ]

And people who are eager to profit off that desire. No doubt.

Sometimes it's adults who want heroes too.

[It's a complicated situation, and at the end of the day Natasha isn't invested in defending or hating it; she'd just really rather not be in the spotlight.]

Maybe for different reasons. Sometimes for the same.

It was always the propaganda of it all that I couldn't stand. Steve has the patience of a saint -- you wouldn't think it, sometimes, but the way he stuck with the USO shows...

[ she's saying too much. she knows it. her mouth snaps shut with a shake of her head. ]

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