driftfleet | December Tourist Mingle

Entry tags:

December Tourist Mingle

Who: Touristas + Friends
Broadcast: n/a
Action: The Tourist
When: The month of December

I. General Mingle
Have fun!

II. Let's talk!
[ Kara's been away. Since her stunt running through cannibal-infested forests planetside, she's only been back on the Tourist a handful of times, mostly for clothes and a suncharge. It's not that she's outright avoiding anyone, but her priorities have lied elsewhere. However, through her conversation with Pavel—observing his anxious opinions of the ship—she's decided that some good old fact-finding is in order.

Despite her own guilt over neglecting her crewmates (and not really knowing the most recent additions), she's decided to seek out her crewmates that she doesn't know so well or hasn't talked to about everything. She tries to be super casual about it, but it's clear she wants to Talk. ]

Hey, so, how's it going? It's been a minute, huh?

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

[ she heads toward her quarters ]

Just the Goldstone.

[ Once they get inside and shut the door ]

I don't know if I can stay here. I don't know if anyone wants me to stay here but I'm thinking probably not.

I want you to stay.

What happened? [Because something definitely happened.]

Jim and I got into an argument because he's arrogant and condescending and I don't really need that in my life. I get that he feels betrayed that I went to find the Goldstone so now he's "not sure if he can trust" me or whatever, but he refuses to even consider why I would do something like that. It's not like I woke up one day and was like "oh this is fun, let's traipse through a cannibal-infested forest with no powers!" He treats me like a child, not a peer, and I'm sick of it. I don't deserve this.

[ her tone is anger, disappointment, and frustration all wrapped up into one ]

[It takes him a couple of beats to process all of that. As much as he'd like to leap to Kirk's defense, the man can be somewhat condescending when he's talking about a tough topic with someone he's protective of. Plus, Kara's his good friend. He wants to be on her side.

He places a hand on hers.]

Why did he feel betrayed? You wanted to be with Mon-El in a difficult situation, that's understandable.

Because he feels like I abandoned the ship at a crucial time, so I can't be trusted to be counted on in a crisis.

And it isn't even that I wanted to be with Mon-El. I needed to make sure he was okay. I don't know what's going to happen if I lose one more person that I love but... He will never go through what I've gone through.

[ she takes a deep breath ]

He's never once asked why I would do such a thing. He doesn't care. He only cares about controlling what I do. I'm a liability to him.

Abandoned...? [...Oh. It hadn't occurred to Chekov to think of it that way, but he can see where Kirk was coming from.] We were fine. We would have been better with you, of course, but you have other people here to be worried about. To take care of.

You are never a liability, he can't have meant that. None of us are at our best now... maybe he was so preoccupied with being concerned that he forgot to be understanding.

He told me he couldn't trust me. If that's not seeing me as a liability, I don't know what is. I'm not used to being treated this way, and I'm not intending on getting used to it. I don't know what he wants from me. I don't regret going to the Goldstone and I won't apologize for it. I have already apologized for the position it put him and the rest of the crew in. I don't love that it happened the way it did, but there's only so much I can do, here.

You may be right. Maybe there is nothing else that can be accomplished by staying here for now, and maybe time apart will do more good than talking, at least until the planet is farther away.

[He hugs her again.]

You will always be wanted on this ship, Kara.

We'll see.

It hasn't felt right since Winn left, anyway.

[A hurt expression crosses Pavel's face and disappears as quickly as it came. He's always going to be a lesser version of Winn in this universe, isn't he? Not good enough for Kitty to love, not good enough for Kara to stay.]

...You are thinking of transferring?

No.

I don't know.

I just miss people, Pavel. I miss Winn and Alex and J'onn and James and my mother. I miss having a purpose and feeling like I can actually make a difference. It's pointless, here. Everything we do seems to be dictated by the Atroma. What's the point? They can depower us at will. Put us in comas. Mess with out memories... I don't even know if I think it's real. Maybe it's just one big Black Mercy nightmare.

Even if it isn't real... even if the Atroma have control over us and there is little we can do to influence our situation, our experiences are real enough. Our interactions and feelings are real. The only point might be to stay sane and keep each other sane until we all inevitably leave.