driftfleet | Do pigeons have feelings?

Who: Adalwolfe Hawke
Broadcast: Yes, video
Action: Yes, Malum or Tourist.
When: In the wee hours of the morning, during drift week

Stop me if you've heard this one.

[Hello fleet, it's a very drunk Adalwolfe Hawke on your feed tonight. Which is weird because usually he doesn't make drunk posts, but hey it's been a hard wee- no, mont-... year? No, not long enough.

Life. It's been a hard life. And sometimes that catches up with him, so hooray alcohol and existential 2am thoughts.]

But, right, so, some people in the fleet are from earlier that other people in the fleet from the same versh.. version of the same world, right? So then would them changing someone when they get back - or if I guess 'cause who knows - would them changing a big thing then change that thing for the people here from later there? If say... Idunno, I was from before all the stuff and decided not to go to Kirkwall, would other stuff have happened instead of my stuff? Would that change all the... the stuff?

[Maker he needs Varric or Carver to translate his drunkspeech. He's not so far gone that he can't tell he's making the least amount of sense.]

Or if-if... I dunno if I should say that nevermind, but you all get my point, right? Is it set in stone? Or is it like... all these different Thedaseses that everyone is from, they just get made when something else changed so it still happened but the other thing happened too, somehow? Uh.

[He frowns into his mug. These are very murky, complicated thoughts. Clearly he needs to wash them off with more alcohol.]

Were we meant to do things or do things just happen even if we don't do anything? You get what I'm trying to say, right?

[Someone? Anyone?]

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

So the events happen but we don't have to be the ones to happen them.

[He nods sagely.]

There's things differenent between Thedeses, like people dying but not in other ones so what you're saying makes sense but I don't know how I like it.

There is a man here with the same clan as mine but a different story. The tale is the same, but the characters may change.

[ She sighs, soft, sad. Maybe there's a world where she kept Solas. ]

I don't like the idea either. My choices were my own.

Void do I understand that, there's multiple bloody Hawkes out there apparently who're all blasted Champion. Only little things seem to change though. Those years in Kirkwall are all just... There's always the idol, there's always the Arishok, there's always the explosion and Meredith going insane. Did those choices matter if all that happens anyway? Is it even possible to prevent it or is it always going to happen in every Thedas?

[He lets out a breath.]

Maybe the big things are always the same but its the small things that matter. Who you grow close to, who you let down. Not that those are actually small but I mean in comparison to, you know, fighting archdemons and elder gods.

There's always a choice. What matters is the impact that choice has on the people around you, the people you care about, the people of the world. I might not have become Inquisitor and a man that was cruel and hateful could have taken my place. The mages might have been enslaved and the people I call family left following someone who had no concern for them. The world would still be saved, but would it be a happy one? Our impact is personal, is it not?

[ She nods her head, though, expression softening. ]

They are small to the world but grand to us.

So then it's more to do with perspective and presence. Others have said as much. It's just difficult to take solace in that when what you can see of your own progress compared to other people in your position might have ended up worse for many.

[He doesn't mean Leilani compared to other Inquisitors, he means himself, but his drunk brain doesn't know how to phrase properly.]

I could tell you some things that would shock you if I thought it would make you feel better.

Shock away! Can't be worse than now.

[He knocks back his drink almost like a toast to the badness of everything.]

I slept with the Dread Wolf.

[ Shouldn't have taken that drink, Hawke. ]

[If she wanted him to spit his drink, she's sadly to be disappointed, but he does swallow too quickly and burst into a fit of coughing.]

Andraste's pyre, woman. I knew he was with the Inquisition from what Cole told me, but I didn't know ancient gods went sleeping around with mortals.

[He hadn't met anyone referred to Fen'Harel or the Dread Wolf when he was visiting Skyhold so he'd thought them a more intangible entity. But if he'd been so involved, then maybe...]

...Did the Dread Wolf go by any other name with the Inquisition?

[ She laughs softly, settling down and shaking her head. ]

He loved me, so it wasn't quite as casual as you imagine it to be.

[ But, ah, she shrugs a shoulder. ]

He did. Are you sure you want to know?

I have to ask... if he loved you, why is he aiming to tear down the Veil and basically destroy the world?

[Sober Hawke probably wouldn't have asked that so bluntly but sober Hawke isn't here right now. Which is also why he abandons the answer to the question he asked.]

The world - his world - was more important than his love for me. He felt as though it was his mistake and that he had to fix it, that he had to undo what he did, and that was more significant than our relationship.

[ She breathes out, quietly. ]

Our world isn't real to him. He lived in Arlathan. He said it was like being in a world of Tranquil.

He can't do that countless ages later, not to mention the sheer conceit of calling literally everyone else in the world Tranquil.

[Wolfe pinches the bridge of his nose, going sober far too quickly for his liking in the wake of this reveal.

He's got to be stopped. She must know that, being the Inquisitor and all. Leilani is a good person, she's not going to turn around and agree with this guy, Dalish or not.]

I'm sorry. That's got to be difficult.

[More difficult than his situation with Anders after what happened in Kirkwall. That's almost a laugh that something could be on a grander scale than that.]

I'm going to stop him.

[ For all that Leilani can understand Solas' motives, his reasons, his desires... She cannot let it come to pass; she cannot allow this to happen, to Thedas, to their world. The people there deserve better, deserve a chance to prove themselves, and she won't let Solas destroy everything they've worked so hard for.

Clearly, the topic is exhausting, however, and she bows her head, tired and sad. ]

I'm the Inquisitor. It's my duty.

I'd help you, if it were my Thedas.

[As it is, knowing this, he'll be sure to help his Inquisitor too. He can't not, when they're inevitably sent back as Atroma tires of them. He'd so much rather just stay here in the fleet even with the Void all around and no real privacy. He'd take it over Thedas gut-punching him over and over again, but he doesn't have the choice and he knows he's needed because things like this keep happening.]

What is your Hawke like? Would he or she help? I'm sure they would, if asked.

I've never doubted that you would.

[ But it's something she feels as though she has to do alone; Solas is her lover, her problem, her thing to fix. He broke her and she won't let him take the world with her heart. ]

She was brave and funny. Charming, a little bit of a flirt, but dedicated, too. I'm sure she would come if called.

Ask her, then. And your advisers, your inner circle. If there's anything I've learned in deal with things its having people on your side - even if ultimately you'll have to make the hard decisions alone - does wonders for being able to live with yourself. You need those other voices, I think. I did, anyway.

[He coughs.]

You probably already know that, working with the Inquisition, or you wouldn't have an inner circle at all.

[He waves himself off.]

Look at me, drunk and telling the Inquisitor what to do.

[ At least it makes Leilani laugh, a wry smile on her lips. ]

We know him as well as anyone in the world possibly could. He won't get very far.

Do pigeons have feelings?

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