driftfleet | Do pigeons have feelings?

Entry tags:

Do pigeons have feelings?

Who: Adalwolfe Hawke
Broadcast: Yes, video
Action: Yes, Malum or Tourist.
When: In the wee hours of the morning, during drift week

Stop me if you've heard this one.

[Hello fleet, it's a very drunk Adalwolfe Hawke on your feed tonight. Which is weird because usually he doesn't make drunk posts, but hey it's been a hard wee- no, mont-... year? No, not long enough.

Life. It's been a hard life. And sometimes that catches up with him, so hooray alcohol and existential 2am thoughts.]

But, right, so, some people in the fleet are from earlier that other people in the fleet from the same versh.. version of the same world, right? So then would them changing someone when they get back - or if I guess 'cause who knows - would them changing a big thing then change that thing for the people here from later there? If say... Idunno, I was from before all the stuff and decided not to go to Kirkwall, would other stuff have happened instead of my stuff? Would that change all the... the stuff?

[Maker he needs Varric or Carver to translate his drunkspeech. He's not so far gone that he can't tell he's making the least amount of sense.]

Or if-if... I dunno if I should say that nevermind, but you all get my point, right? Is it set in stone? Or is it like... all these different Thedaseses that everyone is from, they just get made when something else changed so it still happened but the other thing happened too, somehow? Uh.

[He frowns into his mug. These are very murky, complicated thoughts. Clearly he needs to wash them off with more alcohol.]

Were we meant to do things or do things just happen even if we don't do anything? You get what I'm trying to say, right?

[Someone? Anyone?]

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[ oh, lord. does she ever get what he's trying to say. ]

I fear it is all set in stone. Or it is unless we discover some way to remember what we've learned while we're here.

[ Dorian had been on his way for a drink when he'd heard the broadcast, so why not join the man, talk some theory and get shitfaced? When he's gotten a drink, he simply slides into the booth across from Wolfe. ]

I don't believe all things are certain. What I do believe in are key events- there seem to be unavoidable happenings that shape everything. Of course, that could be because I don't want to think that my choices and my life have been pre-determined. Frankly, I would be more than a bit offended if that were the case.

[Buddy how much have you been drinking]

Unfortunately, unless we can find a way to go home on our own and retain memories, I think it's a moot point. Once you're sent back, you don't remember this place.

If I had not been there then someone else would have stumbled upon Corypheus. Perhaps the destiny is not ours, but the choices we make are. We chose to find our path, even if it is one someone else might have taken.

Oh, you are pulling a me. [She got drunk on Winn's birthday and shared and shared and shared.]

This is what it looks like from the sober side, huh?

Edited 2018-01-21 04:56 (UTC)

I dunno, but in my world, we're fightin' a war against people who're trying to change the past in order t'change the future.

[A really protracted, bloody war. It's great! But it's also kinda...not.]

[Well...great. he'd probably blame himself and his recent attempts to drown himself in all the booze Malum could offer even on a good day, but considering the subject matter of Hawke's post, Anders definetly blamed himself for this little...display.

Anders took the transporter over and made a beeline for their usual haunt.
He nodded to whoever was bartending at the time and motioned to them to let them know Wolfe would be done for the night before tracking down his boyfriend.]

What's on your mind, love?

[He slid into the space next to Hawke and wrapped his arm around the other mage's waist so they could keep their voices low. He knew exactly what was on his lover's mind, but he hardly wanted to bully Wolfe out of the bar, he'd go slow.]

Edited 2018-01-24 04:31 (UTC)

If you have the ability or means to time travel you can change past events to create a more favourable outcome in the future. Though it's not an exact science. The smallest of acts can create very vast rifts in the present. Generally I wouldn't recommend it unless you knew for certain it would work for the best- or you had the means to go back and correct it.

[Sorry, Wolfe, he spent a long-ass time time travelling- he knows the RULES. ]

That said, we do not have that sort of technology here- and it seems no one remembers anything when they leave here.

[He likes this man already. Drunk discussion of multiverse theory is the only way to go about it.]

Personally, I hope that things can be changed if we're sent back, but logically, major events would likely be set in stone.

But what if we do, right? What if we do and then go in and change things so then if there's people further along would it change it for them or just make a new... thing. World. Or like, a verison where the thing was changed and everything is diffenent.

[He keeps messing up his words but he hopes this new pretty lady is understanding his vague drunkspeak.]

[Woah there hi Dorian fancy meeting you here!]

I hope they're not. Choice is important, but I know there's different Thedeses with different us-es out there too so what if there'sh one where, uh..

[He can't think of a different example so he just goes with the one on his mind.]

Anders and Jushtis didn't explode the thing. There'd maybe still be a rebellion and a Conclave 'cause the other mages in Orlays but maybe Kirkwall wouldn't have been so poorly at the end. Right? Maybe?

[Like Fenris on a Tuesday.]

That's stupid. How are we supposed to have these things if we don't remember?

[He waggles his device to show her, but of course he's talking to her through the device so it just makes the picture wobble sickeningly for a minute.]

So the events happen but we don't have to be the ones to happen them.

[He nods sagely.]

There's things differenent between Thedeses, like people dying but not in other ones so what you're saying makes sense but I don't know how I like it.

Silly Kitty, I can't go through walls.

[That's pulling a Kitty from his end.]

Wars are bad.

[It's a revelation.]

So you like the future you've got and don't want to change the past? What happened that they want to change it?

What if it changes?

[It won't, as many people have told him, for a myriad of reasons. They don't remember Atroma if they're sent back or they can't change things even if they did because that's just how time supposedly works, or even the simple fact they can't return of their own volition at all. Adalwolfe sober would likely be able to reason himself into putting it out of his mind, but Adalwolfe drunk - Adalwolfe stressed and worried and lacking in 90% of his impulse control with Anders in a depressive slump - has no such handle on his thoughts.]

What if he manages to go back somehow and never merges with you and you die and we never meet?

[He hates the thought, he hates it so strongly that it makes his stomach turn, but what makes him sick over it more is he actually has to wonder if certain things would have ended better. He doesn't think so, and certainly his life would be bereft - not to mention the scores of Ferelden refugees and Marcher poor alike who were healed and cared for because of the Darktown Healer, or the mages spirited from the Gallows through the Underground, or even the stray cats of the lower sections of the city that would have gone hungry - but there's... doubt. Would they have found the taig without the maps? Would the idol have remained buried and Meredith never gone mad under its influence? It's too much to think and Wolfe scrubs his face with his hands before reaching for the remains of his already almost empty glass.]

I know it's unlikely but I can't get the thought to leave me. I hate it.

I bet you could do that with magic too, maybe, but you make it sound like a bad idea.

[Ah yes, let's give Fenris another reason to dislike magic. Drunk!Hawke has no filter.]

I mean. It is a bad idea. Probably. How could you know it would be better? Or, well, I can think of some things I know would be so I'd change them but you know. The other thing.

[The memory thing.]

But if that technology exists then its posshible.

[The slur is totally for emphasis.]

But how do you know what's a major event in the grand shcheme? I'd think something like the ascension of a king or something would be but maybe it doesn't matter who sits on a throne. Or, or, someone isn't important yet but they could be but they die young then isn't that what changes things that haven't happened yet, but they've happened for the future people because for them that's the past?

[Is he making sense? Probably not. Better drink more.]

[Shepard was on the clock, so he didn't see the post, but he did see the obviously plastered guy making it. He recognized him as a regular, in so-far as anyone trapped on these ships was a regular to one of the only two bars in the fleet, but the guy also stood out. And Shepard had been to more than his fair share of bars in his lifetime, he knew six sheets to the wind when he saw it.

Hawke hadn't ordered anything recently, but Karman still slipped back into the kitchen and found a plastic bucket (why Crowley insisted on things that weren't plates as plates Karman would never really understand beyond 'aesthetic') which he then set to filling with something hearty.

A couple minutes later, Shepard went to Wolfe's table and placed the bucket filled with a very traditional breakfast of eggs and biscuits and even some bacon all piled together. There were certainly perks to working for someone who could just make whatever appear from thin air.]

Hey. Couldn't help but notice you're drinking a lot more than you're eating out here.

Does it matter?

[He knows it does logically, something about food soaking up the alcohol in the stomach and it making you less drunk, but he doesn't exactly want to be less drunk right now. That's what coffee is for when he inevitably wakes up with a hangover. Besides, he's committed and accepted his fate. That's for future Hawke to deal with.

He also really likes the smell of that bacon, though.

Maybe just... one slice...]

You're Shepard, right? Karman?

[Even drunk he remembers names and faces very well.]

[It's so late its early and Adalwolfe is still drunk, working on the logic that if he doesn't go to bed just yet he can stave off the monstrous headache and queasy stomach he knows is coming upon waking. It's not the best plan, but right now it's the only one he has concerning his own health. His other plan, more concerning Anders' mental health than his own, is to bring the steak he'd pilfered from Malum out to the Blameless and feed Justice's cat. Caring for cats of any stripe (ha ha, a joke) always earns him brownie points with Anders, and especially when no one has really seen hide nor hair of the spirit in some time. Who knows if he remembers to feed his pet? It figures Justice has enough to worry about what with everything he has to process, so Hawke enters the room without so much as a knock, assuming he's just... away somewhere.]

Here kitty kitty, I've brought you a nice juicy meal.

[He seats himself unceremoniously in the middle of the room and puts the bottle he'd brought with him down to his right in order to extract the steak from the paper bag he'd brought it in. He sets it on top of the bag like a makeshift plate and leaves it out for the leopard to pounce on, grabbing for the bottle with his now free - if a bit sticky - hand.]

[The leopard kitten in question had been napping on Justice's bed when Wolfe comes in. She perks at his voice, waking up fully at the smell of steak. She wastes no time pouncing on it, tearing into meat like she hasn't eaten in weeks. Although to her credit, she doesn't look like she's been starving, though perhaps she hasn't had the best diet for cats.

The room is not quite as barren as Justice's room usually is. Earmarked legal textbooks are piled on the floor. Books on moral philosophy checked out from the Iskaulit are among them as well--if Wolfe cares to check the bookmarked pages, he'll see that someone has marked chapters discussing moral paradoxes. There is one book on the theory of time travel among all of them, and the only page marked there is the page discussing killing someone in the past.

Justice, for his part, was asleep on the floor when Wolfe came busting in. It's not the first time since finding out his future that Justice has slept, and he doesn't have the energy to be worried about that and its implications for his health when he's spending every waking hour wondering if suicide or atonement is more morally righteous. He almost wishes that Anders had just come out and agreed that Justice should die for what he did, because that would make Justice's choice so much easier.

But now Anders' boyfriend (Hawke) is in his room, feeding the cat that won't leave him alone. Justice doesn't make himself visible. Instead, he just watches, half wanting to push the mage out, half wanting to tell him that he understands now, and half wanting to just watch passively and let the man feed the cat undisturbed. The latter wins for now.

He had been watching the man's post on the network earlier. He wonders if the thought has occurred to him, too--that maybe killing Justice would solve all their problems retroactively.]

Looks like someone's been feeding you, just maybe not the right things.

[He's glad to see that, at least, though he does make a note to come check on her more frequently. He'd rather pin Justice down to have a talk about taking care of animals - something he's far more experienced with regarding dogs and farm animals, though Anders' influence over the years has earned him some small knowledge regarding cats too - but he knows this isn't his top priority. He should be contrite anyway considered even after his own mother had been murdered and he didn't leave his own depressive stupor for weeks, he'd at least still fed Ser Drools, but Justice is a spirit and can't be expected to be held to the same standard.

He has nothing but sympathy for Justice now and it rolls off of him like a mist. He's usually unconsciously adept at hiding his true thoughts about people, diplomatic as he is, but drunk like this with his inhibitions lowered, it's easy to see exactly what he's feeling for any spirit that may care to know. Sympathy, even empathy is there in spades where wariness and distrust were once all encompassing. He knows what Justice must be feeling, or at least has an idea. He was there, and it still keeps him up nights sometimes.

Idly, Wolfe reaches for the nearest book, flipping through it to a marked page. Its some philosopher he's never heard of but the subject matter is about what he expected given his understanding of the spirit's mood. He even makes a darkly amused sound at finding the passage on time travel.]

I hope your master isn't actually going to try this one.

[He shows the book to the cub as if she'll understand. She doesn't even look up from her meal and he's not surprised at all, going on regardless.]

It's not really possible according to basically everyone in the fleet, and more people would be worse off anyway.

[He looks down at the passage again, letting the words jumble into an unintelligible pile of letters instead of absorbing anything more from it. He's more lost in thought instead.]

Something had to be done. I used to think 'but it didn't have to be Anders that did it,' but maybe it did. Maybe it had to be Anders and Justice together because they were right. There can't be a compromise. It's not a compromise if only one side holds all the power.

[He sets the book aside and sighs, rubbing his face with both hands. He feels grubby and unpleasant and is starting to regret all the drinking based on the small throbbing ache starting to build at his temples, threatening to become something monstrous. Clearly that means he should drink more to stave off sobriety just a bit longer and he follows through on that by taking a pull from the bottle he'd brought with him.]

Edited 2018-01-24 15:31 (UTC)

[There are right things to feed a cat? Justice had just assumed that anything edible would work. He’d even let the cat pick what she wanted from the fridge and pantry, since she didn’t have he thumbs to open and close things with ease.

This seems like the kind of thing he should know. Anders would be able to tell him, but...

It doesn’t take long to notice the sympathy. Justice doesn’t know how to feel about it. A part of him detests it, hates that he’s getting any sympathy at all when he’s the one who failed at the only thing he’s meant to do, and a part of him feels more at ease knowing that the mage doesn’t hate him, which he’s suspected up until now. He doesn’t know if he wants to talk or wants to let the mage conclude his business and leave. He pushes himself into a sitting position, picking up one of the legal textbooks and holding it tightly, feeling the memories of certainty and patient legal schalorship. It’s his only self-soothing mechanism now. He’s put his lyrium ring in his drawer, and it’s too painful to take it out now.

But the mage keeps talking to the cat. Justice considers asserting for the millionth time that he’s not the cat’s master, but what’s the point? All the humans around here are convinced that the cat belongs to him now.

It’s when the man mentions the time travel that Justice really pays attention, but he’s unconvinced. Everyone was saying that he would remember none of this when he went back to Thedas, but he doesn’t have to remember anything if he’s too dead to return there. It would be as if he disappeared all of the sudden and never came back. His Warden friends would worry and search for him, but eventually, they would give up and assume that he’s dead or returned to the Fade. They will forget eventually.

But something else catches Justice’s attention. He furrows his brow.]

What do you mean, more people would be worse off?

[He doesn’t make himself visible, so he just comes off as a disembodied voice coming from everywhere in the room. He hadn’t considered that anyone might actually think that things worked out the best they could, or that maybe the destruction of all those innocent people was worth it. Anders had said something about the fallout, but Justice had honestly had trouble listening after hearing about killing all those people.

Killing those people was wrong, even if they had a good reason for it. Justice can’t believe that it was the best means to free the mages. He can’t believe hat things would have been worse without him.]

[He's neck deep in it. Amazing. Mantis can't help but laugh a little.]

That is a valid point. I could think of a few things I'd change if it were possible. Assuming I would even be sent back home before the time I was brought from, of course. You can save people from dying. Prevent major conflicts.

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Do pigeons have feelings?

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CW going forward for suicidal ideation

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