Do pigeons have feelings?

[wolfehawke]

Who: Adalwolfe Hawke
Broadcast: Yes, video
Action: Yes, Malum or Tourist.
When: In the wee hours of the morning, during drift week

Stop me if you've heard this one.

[Hello fleet, it's a very drunk Adalwolfe Hawke on your feed tonight. Which is weird because usually he doesn't make drunk posts, but hey it's been a hard wee- no, mont-... year? No, not long enough.

Life. It's been a hard life. And sometimes that catches up with him, so hooray alcohol and existential 2am thoughts.]

But, right, so, some people in the fleet are from earlier that other people in the fleet from the same versh.. version of the same world, right? So then would them changing someone when they get back - or if I guess 'cause who knows - would them changing a big thing then change that thing for the people here from later there? If say... Idunno, I was from before all the stuff and decided not to go to Kirkwall, would other stuff have happened instead of my stuff? Would that change all the... the stuff?

[Maker he needs Varric or Carver to translate his drunkspeech. He's not so far gone that he can't tell he's making the least amount of sense.]

Or if-if... I dunno if I should say that nevermind, but you all get my point, right? Is it set in stone? Or is it like... all these different Thedaseses that everyone is from, they just get made when something else changed so it still happened but the other thing happened too, somehow? Uh.

[He frowns into his mug. These are very murky, complicated thoughts. Clearly he needs to wash them off with more alcohol.]

Were we meant to do things or do things just happen even if we don't do anything? You get what I'm trying to say, right?

[Someone? Anyone?]

Comments

[wolfehawke]

[He starts to protest, but Anders speaks over him and he quiets unhappily. At first. The more Anders says, the more he relates them as not able to be changed by some change in their past, it calms him. Soothes the worries that have only now finally been buoyed to the surface thanks to the miracle of alcohol. The truth of it strikes him, as only Anders can tell it.

"You would still be my Hawke as I would still be your Anders."]

My Anders.

[He murmurs in echo, a funny sort of warmth settled there in his chest. He knows this old feeling by now, a sense of peace and rightness when nothing else can give him that. The simple fact that Anders loves him is enough to quell his worry for now.]

That makes sense, what with all the different Thedases around. A change just means another different one where that's already having happened.

[Language is hard when you're talking about time travel and alternate universes. He takes drink to make it easier.]

But if it did. If it was us. I would know. I think I would. All my life I'd know something was missing.

[He wouldn't, but that thought is the most frightening one he's ever had and he's faced the demon of all nightmares head on.

He finishes the rest of his drink in one go.]

[apurrstate]

[He smirks a bit to himself for Hawke's inability to phrase his ideas eloquently, but he was fairly certain he understood what his love was getting at.

He wished he believed it that they'd know a difference. He wanted so badly to think they would know the keeper of their hearts wasn't truly there no matter who else came into their lives, but his practical side often outweighed his romantic side. At least, internally.]

I would trip along in the shadows without my light of hope to guide me. Always, I would want your presence even without realizing that was what I was missing. [He pressed a lingering kiss to Wolfe's temple and pulled him even closer to his side.]

But there's only so far anyone can go with 'if' or 'perhaps,' the point is moot.

Come on love, we should retire, I think.

[wolfehawke]

Pretty words.

[He grunts appreciatively as he attempts to get up with Anders' help. Rising from his seat takes more than a few tries but eventually he has an arm slung across Anders' shoulders and is shuffling along towards the door. He's uncommonly quiet through the whole ordeal other than the occasionally grunt and huff of a laugh at the fact that the room starts to keen at odd intervals.]

I'm sorry.

[He mutters it out of the blue when they're almost to the hangar. He's never apologized for being drunk before, so this is new. But perhaps it's not the drunkenness that he's apologizing for.]

[apurrstate]

[Walking Hawke home from drinking wasn't new, but it had been a long time, years. They'd been younger, not just physically, and the familiarity of it now was almost a comfort in the whirlwind everything else now seemed to be. It might not be the worn stone of Kirkwall's streets beneath their feet, but the weight of his partner against his shoulder was all he needed to feel a sad sort of quirk on his lips.

He doesn't pause their progress even with the unexpected apology, but confusion hangs heavy in his voice and lingers in his face.]

What in the name of the Maker have you got to apologize for?

[wolfehawke]

My thoughts.

[He seems to sag against Anders' shoulder.]

Making it worse by having you need to carry my drunk ass back to the ship?

[Both. Mostly the former, but he's reticent to explain what exact thoughts he means. It would break Anders' heart and yet Hawke is certain it wouldn't surprise him either and he has no idea which is worse.]

[apurrstate]

[Anders' grip is strong, but the hand that comes up to swipe the hair out of Wolfe's face is gentle.]

I don't mind. Really, I don't. I appreciate the chance to take care of you. [Anders usually responded one of two ways when it came to dealing with his own emotions: either working until exhaustion won out or simply not moving from their bed at all until dragged from it for his own good. He tended towards the former, especially once the first intense wave of not dealing with things passes. Fussing over Hawke counted as keeping busy and it was hardly a chore for him.]

What thoughts plague you, my love.