text - anonymous

[moseyin]

D o any of you ever wonder if your world would be better off without you
?

not like
dying or something back home, but. If you just never went back

Comments

[moseyin]

Theres no guarantee you'll ever be out of the red

And not just that. If youve got proof that you could make things worse
if you all but KNOW that going back wont help anyone, but staying away would

Would you really still go back? What if staying away is how you protect it

[wingenvy]

no such thing as guarantees ya nut

except I guarantee you won't be able to do anything good if you don't bother trying

so yeah I'd go back. a life with no risk sounds shitty to me

anyway everyone's their own worst critic. I bet there's a few people who're better off knowing you

[moseyin]

Is that all it takes

Just a few people who are better off

[wingenvy]

not even a few, just one

[It might sound overly simple, but it's always been enough for him.]

[moseyin]

No

Its not worth it

No one person is worth that

[wingenvy]

but you have to ask if a few people would be worth it? what's your number then? how many would it take?

[moseyin]

Thats not what I mean

I dont know how to explain it

[moseyin]

look just forget it im just thinking aloud

[wingenvy]

[WTF YOU CAN'T JUST DISMISS THAT YOU






.......wait]

if you say so

[wingenvy]

[AND THEN THERE IS A KNOCK ON CLOUD'S DOOR A FEW MINUTES LATER]

[moseyin]

[MAYBE IF HE DOESN'T ANSWER ZACK WON'T THINK HE'S IN HERE. Just. Staring at the door and willing Zack to leave]

[wingenvy]

[bitch he knows you're in there, he can SMELL the discomfort.]

If you don't open up in the next ten seconds I'm gonna kick the door down, and everybody's gonna get a daily view of your fine ass until I feel like fixing it.

[moseyin]

[UGH, ZACK!!

Cloud heaves a sigh before dragging himself up, shuffling over to the door and opening it to stare sulkily up at Zack. Are you here to yell at him. Let him rest.]

[wingenvy]

[wow dude you look like shit.

let's not open with that.]

You probably don't wanna talk about it, but I think that's why we should. And the hallway's a lousy place for it, so let me in, will ya?

[moseyin]

[Steps aside after another brief moment of sullen staring, shutting the door after Zack squeezes in.] Look...it's just thinking aloud. I already said I wasn't going back without you guys, so...

[wingenvy]

[yeah shut up just gonna stop you there.]

I'm not stupid, and you're not stupid, and we both know... y'know, both of those. So no bullshit.

[a quiet beat, and then-]

I'm not here to yell at you.

[which is... not a promise that he won't. he knows himself and his volume control. it's just not his intent.]

[moseyin]

[Folds his arms, leaning back against his desk and pressing his lips together.] ...so, what then?

[wingenvy]

[So...

...so, that's a good question, and one that Zack doesn't answer right away. Zack frowns, back rested against the door. What...?]

Say we did find a way to go back, and we wanted to. Would you?

[moseyin]

...Yeah. [Rubs at his eyes, hard enough to see spots.] But I'm not- I would still worry about this. I'm not just trying to make excuses to stay.

[wingenvy]

Can I ask what you think you did that was so terrible you don't deserve to go home?

[Because yeah, he's heard the story. There was good and bad. Cloud's not perfect, he made mistakes. So did everyone else.]

[moseyin]

[.......are you kidding man] Seriously? I- Zack. I've put Tifa in danger more times than I can count. I was useless when you needed me most. I gave Sephiroth the Black Materia. I got Aerith killed.

[wingenvy]

[It's kind of wild how the story's unraveled between two different perspectives. He's been told a few things by Aerith, too.]

The way I remember it, Tifa was pretty good at putting herself into danger too. And you were sick, and had your head muddled with too much to fight it. And Sephiroth killed Aerith, not you.

[moseyin]

[okay that doES IT- Cloud shoves off the desk and starts to pace, throwing his hands in the air]

Enough- enough, man! I am so damn tired of you and Aerith both making excuses for me!

[wingenvy]

[Zack's eyes narrow as he watches Cloud cross the room and back again.]

It's not an excuse to put the blame on the right person. We're not trying to tell you you're perfect, or that you didn't make any mistakes. But you put way too much shit on your shoulders that you don't deserve.

[moseyin]

[Stops and turns on Zack, pointing at him.] You don't know what I deserve. You weren't there. My friends couldn't trust me and for damn good reason, and I still let them down. After I begged them to come with me.

I'm not helpless or- or some unfortunate victim. I was weak, Zack. I was weak-spirited, weak-willed, and I blamed the world around me for being unfair. Nobody else gets a pass for having a shitty life, I'm not going to grab for one just because you and Aerith are two of the kindest people on the Planet.