driftfleet | Tourist Mingle!

[ she looks down at her hands ]

I don't want you to worry about me. But we do need to talk about some... things. They're not easy to talk about, though.

[ she takes a deep breath, then looks back up at him ]

I just... I never want to hurt you. But you know me. I can't keep this away from you. I shouldn't, anyway.

I just don't want you to hate me.

Edited 2018-04-29 04:23 (UTC)

[His worried expression turns to surprise and then he even laughs maybe from the absurdity of the statement.] Hate you? That's what you've been worried about? Kara... [He reaches out to place a hand over hers.] I wouldn't know how.

[ she takes his hand and interlaces their fingers, though she's not very relieved ]

I'm not totally sure where to start. Do you have a question you want to ask or should I just... start talking?

Why don't you start where it makes sense to you and I'll ask questions as you go. [She lived it after all. She has the best idea of what will make it cohesive, but more than that he just wants her to start somewhere comfortable because she still seems tense about it and he doesn't want that. Not when she's talking to him. He wants her to feel safe with him. Did future him do something to screw that up?

But there is something about hearing that she is afraid he'll hate her that relaxes him. He knows he never could and if that's the worst thing about this then maybe he didn't screw it up that badly.]

Okay, well...

Your parents showed up. They wanted you to return with them to rebuild Daxam and it was hard for you, but you refused. You told her you were happy on Earth, and you didn't care for how Daxam was run. You wanted to introduce democracy.

She was... displeased by this. We thought we could negotiate with her, but at every turn, she would live down to expectations.

She stabbed my with a kryptonite knife at one point, in a bid to manipulate you into going with her.

She killed your father.

[He's just wide eyed and dumbfounded as she speaks, each thing surprising him more than the last until he actually rises to his feet somewhere between the last two statements as if he couldn't just hold still for them. He paces back and forth in he restricted space of her Tourist bedroom.]

No, she wouldn't... They've been together for ages. [After all you can't look at a Daxamite and judge their age by Earth standards.] They're partners in...

Why? Why would she?

[It would have been hard to be back on Earth living through these things as they unfurled themselves one painful turn after another. But at least then he would have some time to process and prepare and harden his heart toward them more. It had softened some in thinking he'd never seen them again even as he judged them more for their actions, he'd missed them and his connection to his former life. The thought of her stabbing Kara makes him furious and sick with worry even though she must be fine to know what happened later. The thought of his mother stabbing his father... He just just doesn't know what to do with that at all. It's all unrestrained, murky waves of feeling crashing over him. He can't think and he desperately wants to think—to straighten it out in his mind or put it out of his mind completely. Drink it away like he used to. Numb everything.

But he doesn't even know everything yet. It still feels so bare bones with nothing fully connecting from what she's said. He's just not sure if every detail will help or make this feeling worse.]

[ Kara leans forward and puts her head down in her hands when he starts pacing ]

I don't know. He was in her way, I guess. She wouldn't be deterred.

[His voice raises in frustration—not with Kara—but with the story— the history, the future.] But it doesn't make any sense!

[His planet, his home, his world, his family and his people were all gone as of a couple of weeks ago. That's what he knew. That's what he was dealing with or avoiding dealing with as he grew and changed and fell in love. And now they're back and gone again? Worse than ever before, threatening his new home and his love? How does he keep up?]

[ her voice is soft ]

I know. I know. I'm sorry.

[It's the softness of her voice that pulls him—at least partially out of the state he's in. It doesn't dismiss the emotional storm clouds so much as send them back a little further so he can focus on her and not what he's feeling. Her voice is usually so confident whether it's full of warmth, justice, or annoyance. The soft breaks through to him and he glances back before kneeling down before her.]

You have nothing to be sorry for. It wasn't your family who turned in on itself and tried to take everything good that has come into my life. I just... I don't understand.

[ she does reach out to touch his arm if she can, just grazing fingers on his forearm ]

I don't either. I wish I could answer everything for you.

I don't even know if it will make sense when you remember it but... coming from me, it must be even harder.

[He doesn't move away. Her touch is very welcome here. He wants something to soothe him even as he's trying to comfort her.]

It doesn't sound like something that would ever be easy.

You said something last time about me leaving? [He gives her a worried look, but wants to know more.]

[ she does bring her hands back to fold them in her lap and look down ]

That...

It has to do with how we defeated your mother.

Winn and Lena engineered a method for... dispersing lead into the atmosphere. Low enough not to affect people but enough to turn away the Daxamite invasion.

But that also.... meant you. You had to leave.

[If he'd lived that life and been there for all the things they tried and all the ways they didn't work then he'd be more on board. In fact he'd be the one encouraging her to do it. To pull the trigger and stop his people even if it stopped him. Because it had become his home he knew he had to leave it. Maybe part of him even felt like he deserved that kind of losing win because of everything he'd ignored and tolerated back on Daxam. But despite all of that there just hadn't been another option. They'd tried to reason with her. He'd tried choosing to go with them thinking maybe there'd still be a way back. They'd tried fighting. There were just too many of them and they were too strong.

But he didn't live those weeks or that moment. He isn't ready to tell her it's the right decision and it has to be done. He doesn't want to think of leaving her now that he's found her and there's no city in peril right now in this small bedroom. It's all just hard to accept.]

But... Wasn't there some other way? Something else we could have done? Something to shield me or another way to defeat them?

[Trying so hard to bargain with the past—his future—not to take it all away.]

I wish there had been. I truly do. You know I wouldn't do that lightly.

[His lips part and he breathes out, trying to keep himself together as his eyes look a little glassy. He rocks back on his heels and stands up, turning away from her to try and get a grip on himself. He puts a hand up on a low point of the ceiling for support.]

You said I left. So, I didn't die? [Is that the best-case-scenario here? At least he lived?] How? Where did I go? Was there a plan...? [Or did he just lose his second planet forever? And Kara.]

Edited 2018-05-06 00:55 (UTC)

[ she's crying, but silently—no sobs or anything, just a wavering voice ]

You didn't die. We had your pod ready, and you got in it.

I don't... I don't know where you went. Or if you could come back.

[His attempts to hold them back hasn't stopped his own tears from coming either. He doesn't trust his voice, but he pushes himself to speak again, pushing out the words even as they crack.]

...How long has it been?

It just happened for me.

How do you feel? [Asking because he isn't sure. Even with the waver in her voice, he's not sure. Didn't he become more trouble than he was worth? Keeping secrets from her. Being someone she didn't respect. Being someone he couldn't even respect. Hell, it was probably his distress call that brought them all to Earth in the first place. Whatever happened was his fault. Protecting that city meant everything to her and he put it in danger. Maybe him leaving was...a relief.]

[ when asked about herself, the dam breaks. she didn't want to make everything about her, but recounting everything has been so hard for her, too. she takes some gasping breaths and stands up quickly, moving in for a hug where she can hopefully just bury her face in his shirt ]

[He was trying to brace for the worst so he didn't catch her getting up until he already felt her arms around her and then he instinctively returns the hug, pulling her in closer and holding her tightly because he needs this too and he wasn't sure if that's where it was going to go or not. He takes relief in it even as her pain breaks him further. It's hard to see her hurting and to not be able to do anything about it. And especially to be the cause of it.]

I'm here.

[He rubs her back. For now at least while the fleet doesn't do anything to send him away he's with her. And maybe he can find a way back without dying as soon as he tries to breathe the air. Okay, better plan, don't think of the future at all. Focus on here and now. He's better at that anyway.]

[ she holds him tightly, taking a moment to try to get her tears under control ]

I'm sorry.

[ she wants to explain but needs a few more moments ]

You didn't do anything wrong. [He believes that. As much as he can't quite accept that this happened or there wasn't another way, he doesn't blame Kara. He doesn't want to lose her here and now or there and then.]

I should have done something more... something different.

Tourist Mingle!

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