[ video + action ] in this world now I am undying ( iw update )

[dothelokimotion]

Who: Loki + You
Broadcast: Yes!
Action: SS First Breath
When: Right now!

( feed: action )

[ the feed turns on and you're not sure why. all is quiet on the ship front. there doesn't seem to be much activity on the first breath, even this late. all is silent. until you hear a crackle. suddenly ice speeds its way over the walls, ceilings and floors of the ship, instantly freezing everything along its path. everything is coated in silvery, sharp ice, cold to the touch.

and for a moment, a shrill scream echoes throughout the ship before going quiet with the feed. ]

( much later: video )

[ loki turns the feed on. he looks queasy and ready to drop off right then and there, but he clears his throat, coughing as it hurts. ]

My apologies. It seems I lost control of my magic. I will immediately see to any repairs. But perhaps people coming by should mind their step in the meantime.

[ he looks like he has more to say, but he ducks his head, turning off the feed. ]

Comments

[rebuildyourruins]

[He may as well have, Thor thinks in silence, feeling the tension crawl through his shoulders. But it wasn't meant to be. A lot of things happened that weren't meant to be.]

It shouldn't be one or the other.

[No, the only one who should have died over another was Thanos himself. That didn't happen, and then... a sharp shake of the head and Thor just pulls Loki in again.

It shouldn't have been Loki. It shouldn't have been any of them.]

[dothelokimotion]

[ odin had said once wherever you go, you leave death, destruction and ruin. and yet, and yet, loki wasn't ready to die. not this time. he didn't want to go. he wanted to see thor's kingdom, their kingdom. he wanted to help it grow, he wanted to be more.

but that was foolish, wasn't it?

loki tucks his head under thor's chin. ]

For Thanos, it is always that way.

[rebuildyourruins]

[He wants to snarl in response, curse the Titan's name as though he can rip flesh from his bones by pure sentiment alone. It's pointless however - across time and reality, Thanos is even more out of reach than he had been mere hours again. Vanishing into nothing after his horrifying task had been completed while Thor stood useless.

The angry tension still makes itself known as Thor's hands reflexively ball into fists against Loki's back.]

The axe. I made it to kill him with.

[dothelokimotion]

[ the axe? it takes him a moment to catch up to that train of thought before he shifts, looking up at thor. ]

The one you received here. Was it truly from Nidavellir then?

[rebuildyourruins]

Yes, it was. I went there myself after-- after.

[He can't bring himself to describe it yet.]

Thanos had already been there.

[dothelokimotion]

[ ah. it makes sense. nidavellir produced weapons that rivaled all others. thanos being there means the dwarves were gone. loki never liked them, but he never wanted that wrath visited upon them. ]

What did you do afterwards?

[rebuildyourruins]

I went to Earth. I knew he would go there to get the Stones.

["There are two Stones on Earth" Thanos had said amongst the fire on the Statesman. What Thor hadn't anticipated was reaching Thanos only to find he already had all six.

--he's glad that their position means Loki can't see his face. To think of Earth is to think of what happened next.]

[dothelokimotion]

[ as loki had predicted. two stones on earth made it a siren call and thanos would have immediately headed to earth. it would not have escaped the carnage. still, loki isn't going to mention that. he presses himself closer instead, still grateful that thor is here. ]

I'm sorry.

[rebuildyourruins]

[Thor shakes his head, closing his eyes on the ruin he feels.]

No. I am.

[Loki had been killed. There's no call for apologies from the dead. It's the living that carry the blame with them.]

[dothelokimotion]

Thor . . .

[ what should he say? it wasn't thor's fault. it was certainly loki's. instead he shifts, pulling thor to rest against him instead. ]

I'm here.

[rebuildyourruins]

[For all that he doesn't deserve comfort, feels that he might just break apart if he's consoled like this, Thor doesn't pull away from it either. He doesn't have the strength or desire to stand alone right now.

And he is alone. Was.

There are things he ought to tell Loki, who deserves to know how it all ended. He should tell him how far the axe went, how hard he drove it into Thanos's chest for his sake, for all the Asgardians. How big of a mistake it had been to want that vengeance. He finds his throat grows tight at the idea and just-- doesn't. Not right now. There will be time enough to examine the fall out later.

After a short span Thor does move again though, pulling back to try and get a better look at Loki's neck.]

You-- are you still injured?

[dothelokimotion]

[ loki isn't too concerned about what came after. which is petty of him. but he has little to care for beyond thor. no matter how great thor's sorrow is and loki can see that it is great, he is still alive. still here. untouched by thanos, despite all odds. the one thing loki has done right.

at thor's words, his fingers once again brush against his throat and he winces at the sting. ]

Just bruising. It'll heal soon enough.

[rebuildyourruins]

[It's hard to look at it without hearing that awful crunch in his mind again, the dead thump of Loki's body that followed. Thor clenches his jaw and focuses on the here and the now. The still-living Loki in front of him.]

Even so, we should get some-- [He stops abruptly, looking around the room. He finishes his thought with dwindling enthusiasm.] ...some ice.

[dothelokimotion]

[ loki gives thor a wan smile. ]

I don't think it will help me much.

[ the underlying sentiment I don't think anything will can be heard. ]

[rebuildyourruins]

[Judging by the pressed line of Thor's lips and the wince in his eyes, he heard it to. But he refuses to acknowledge it out loud.]

Painkillers then.

[dothelokimotion]

[ loki brushes his fingers against thor's eye, the new one before dropping his hand. ]

All right. It still aches, but the worst has passed.

[rebuildyourruins]

[It doesn't match his natural eye at all, making the change all the more glaring. Thor manages a weak smile at that, thankful that Loki will take something for the injury.]

Okay. [With a sigh, he looks around at the ice.] This will fade on its own.

[Or melt. One or the other.]

[dothelokimotion]

I'm not letting my — [ loki frowns, not sure what to say. my death?. but he exhales, calming himself. ] — what happened to me harm my ship.

He's taken enough from me.

[rebuildyourruins]

[It's-- startling. To hear that, to hear it from Loki. In a way his brother has already thought further ahead than Thor has. His own mind is still tearing itself to pieces over the fallout, without much chance to reorient back to the Fleet.

Against all logic, it helps Thor centre himself, if only a little. What happened at home is a fresh wound that won't heal any time soon. But this isn't home - it's somewhere else.

So he blinks absently before squeezing Loki's shoulder with a hand.]

He won't get anything more.

[Not from Loki. Thor's sure they both know how grasping it is to even declare such a thing when most everything has been lost already. As always, though, Thor takes control where he can.]

[dothelokimotion]

[ more. that's what loki wanted to be. and even though that's not what thor means, loki finds himself tearing up slightly. he blinks it away, but it remains, traitorous on his face. he shouldn't, not when thor is in the grips of grief, a grief loki has visited upon him. his head drops, wrecked. ]

I was right. I should have left you long ago.

[ everyone was right about him in the end. ]

[rebuildyourruins]

[Thor stiffens, shock running through him. His fingers tighten involuntarily on Loki's shoulder. He hadn't said that, had he? Loki hadn't said he should have left Thor. Not to his face. But if he had thought it to himself, Thor would never have known. The hurt of it starts to settle into his shoulders--

"I'm not going anywhere without you."

Before something angrier and stronger bounces it back.]

No -- no, fuck that. [Thor shakes Loki's shoulder a bit, insistent.] That isn't what I wanted, and it's not what you wanted either!

[dothelokimotion]

[ the action startles him, shaking away the apathy. his eyes continue to sting. ]

Of course not! Of course it's not what I wanted, I wanted — [ so much more, so many things. so many possibilities that loki had only started to dream of lately, started to believe in. he tries to smile, but it hurts, every part of him seems to have crumbled in shameful weakness. ]

I only wanted to be your equal.

[rebuildyourruins]

[Thor's own eyes are overly bright, even as frustrated despair boils over.]

You were - you are.

[Loki had walked into his own death with his head held high - an act Thor had never imagined, nor wanted to see. Thor had done that himself only years ago with the Destroyer. Knowing what the outcome might be and doing it anyway. He takes a sharp breath, hanging his head a little.]

Did you not already say so...? Here, not so long ago.

[dothelokimotion]

[ loki smiles once more like it pained him to do so, but smiling was easier than anything else. he reaches out to squeeze thor's hands. ]

I said a great many things, it seems. Try not to hold them all against me.

[rebuildyourruins]

I will if you choose to deny them.

[Because Thor's not about that. Not now. Maybe it's a hopeless grasping at straws when the worst has already happened, when this time there may be no going back. But if they can both be here arguing about it, then it's easier to think that in this much he can still fight some of that suffocating darkness.

Thor's grip back is almost painful.]