video

[somakemelaugh]

Who: Undertaker and ERRYONE
Broadcast: All
Action: Goldstone
When: After calibrations/shuffle


[Welcome to the parlor. Or at least, it would be the parlor if it was back in his home. Either of the ones before. For now, it's just Undertaker's modest little abode on the good ship Goldstone, not too unlike many of yours who stand witness to it now. Maybe he'll add to it over time. He has heard audiences like to get to know people, and what better way to do so than to personalize?]

[Alas. Without much means to add such customizations (yet) you get only to see his smiling face, complete with the scar crossing right over it. How's that for unique?]

We're a lively bunch here, aren't we? Starting things off with a bang, visiting people in their past lives with or without them knowing. Just like the good old days, back in the academy. [There's a giggle, one which might or might not put a shudder down spines. He's an... unusual git and he knows it, complete with the mortician's facade and, some might recognize, the overly cockney accent.]

Ah, we're going to get along just fine, I think. Too bad they've not made use of the smarts I was given, [He flicks a hand.] lab support or something other, bandages I suppose. Wouldn't be much use to me anyway, but you'll find me on the Goldstone, should you have need of my assistance. Look for Undertaker.

[And, with a tip of his hat, the video feed ends.]

Comments

[somakemelaugh]

[Not that the boy didn't have a point. He knows what Ciel means and takes that moment to consider what was said.]

That brings up something I've been avoiding with you, and I think you've been avoiding with me. Should we continue and put this off, or would you like to risk ruining an otherwise decent evening and get this conversation out of the way?

[sweetlies]

[As much as he'd like to just enjoy the evening, relax, he knows they might just keep putting things off. They enjoy their peace together too much to do otherwise.]

When have we ever let our evenings be completely ruined? [He asks slowly but the opening is there.]

[somakemelaugh]

[He hasn't been looking forward to this, knowing what might come after. But they couldn't just keep pretending it had never happened. He lifts a hand to settle on the boy's shoulder.]

Not often these days. Isn't like what we used to know, but I think I can safely say we don't want to return to that life.

[Still, he hesitates. Only a moment more.] Your brother was there in the manor. I know you remember that. What's been in your head surrounding that time?

[sweetlies]

[He just slowly shakes his head. Going back to their old lives, to England, he can't claim it appeals to him anymore. In their first few months in Riverview, he'd wanted nothing more. And then he's settled into a pattern, made friends, grew attached to Undertaker.

And then that question. His head drops a little.]

Nothing pleasant... With Ciel back... Nobody would want his spare around. And I know I'll end up in trouble for deceiving the crown.

[somakemelaugh]

[The thumb on Ciel's shoulder takes to rubbing over the cloth one way and the other and back again. All until Ciel wants it to stop.]

Oh, my lord, why do you think no one would want you around? I know he isn't here to speak for himself, but I can assure you, your twin's intent behind it all was to protect you. As was mine. There was no easy way to do this, given your circumstances, but I don't blame you for your anger.

[sweetlies]

[He definitely doesn’t want it to stop. It’s calming and keeps him from slipping to far down a rabbit hole of self-deprecation.]

Why wouldn’t I? Who really ever cared about Ciel’s twin? Who really asked after me as more than an afterthought of Ciel? When Lizzie would sit with me during his fencing lessons, the instant he was done or hurt, she was at his side, even if we were in the middle of talking. Nobody asked after the younger twin when I returned, all that mattered was the heir. Even Aunt An... Ciel was everyone’s favorite. Even mine.

[somakemelaugh]

[The attention doesn't stop, only slows down, only pulls the boy close.]

My lord, you think too harshly about these things. How often while I was there did your twin come running to find you when you had gone wandering off? Your twin was the more outgoing of the two of you, I will confess, and his charm flattered them, but you were the one he and your parents catered to all of those years.

[He sighs, softly, and ducks his head closer.] I knew about your illnesses, of course. Your parents worried one bad spell might be the end of you, and they wanted to prepare ahead of time in case the worst happened. You and your brother never came with your father during those visits, so you couldn't have known what I saw. It broke his heart to have to talk to me about these things. There's nothing in these worlds worse than having to lose your own child.

[sweetlies]

[He can’t help but curl a bit when he’s pulled close. Undertaker cared about him. At least in his mind.]

Only because I was so sickly. They wouldn’t have cared so much if I had been as healthy as he had been, I’m sure. I’d still be the spare.

[He lays his head against a shoulder, heart clenching tightly at the thought. And he can’t help a little pang if guilt. It... doesn’t much matter anymore though, does it? The only people left who really cared about me are you and Ciel...

[somakemelaugh]

[That touch expands its range, palm smoothing all the way down to the elbow before returning back to the shoulder when Ciel curls against him like so.]

Now you're looking into what if's that never were. Don't torment yourself like this. You were still your father's son and your parents loved you, as did your twin. Even if they're gone from the living world, that doesn't mean they've stopped loving you. And we've already seen your father again. It may have been the last time until you leave this life, but... Oh, I know it's hard.

[He shifts a little, turning to give the boy a proper embrace with both arms about him.] I won't pretend to know how you felt, living with this over your head all of these years. But please, try not to forget how they felt about you behind closed doors, out of the public eye. There wasn't anything your parents wouldn't have done for you.

[sweetlies]

[He wraps his arms around Undertaker, face buried in his shoulder for a moment before he turns his head to just lay again.] Mother and father and Ciel then. And you and Tanaka. Who else then? Who else really cared? How many people would have said they were happy that at least I had come back? The weak, sickly, crybaby. Rarely without his stronger twin, too delicate to even go outside very often.

... even the dog hated me.

[somakemelaugh]

[He lifts his hand then, fingers burying themselves in the hair at the back of Ciel's head.]

Do you need to count how many people cared about you? Aren't the ones who do the ones who matter the most? What does it matter what anyone else thinks? And, as I recall, you had three, almost four good years to prove them wrong. No one knew the difference, did they?

[sweetlies]

[That feels oddly soothing. Fingers in his hair that aren’t yanking painfully.]

I... I suppose... [He can’t help how unsure he sounds and feels. He did have everyone convinced. Or most everyone. Aunt Francis May have suspected but Edward never did. Or Alexis. Undertaker, he knows, has known.] They’ll hate me for lying...

[somakemelaugh]

[Those fingers will stay there, playing at the strands until Ciel wants them gone.]

I'm not so sure about that. Could they have done any better in your shoes? The only living descendant of a great estate? What does it matter if you had a twin? You're still the only living son, as far as anyone knew. Let them tell you they could have done any better, and at your age, and I'll show you a liar, I will.

[sweetlies]

I... [He flounders a little, fingers grasping and ungrasping for a moment, as if it will reveal something to him.]

I suppose there aren’t many who could have... [He smiles now, muscles easing.] Why do you care so much? What was ever so special about me?

[somakemelaugh]

[He'll let Ciel figure this one out on his own and be glad to see the smile return to the boy's face, though his fingers never leave that hair.]

Everything. What about you wasn't special? You are your father's son, my lord. You know who he was to me. Now, you're all I have left in this world, but that doesn't change the fact that you and he and your twin both will always have a soft spot in me.

[sweetlies]

[He just suddenly feels drained.]

I sold my soul though... you would have been right to hate me until we got to Riverview. Until I brought up removing my eye. And for lying. I was awful. To you and everyone else that came close. I wouldn’t have blamed you.

[somakemelaugh]

[If Ciel needs to lean against him a little longer, he'll hold him as long as is needed. He could just settle him in for a nap. This is a rough conversation.]

It's almost as if you want the world to hate you. Would that be about accurate?

[sweetlies]

[Oh, how red his cheeks turn. Partially in embarrassment but mostly in shame. He even sucks his head down a bit.]

M-maybe..? Would it be so wrong? With everything I did? I’d deserve it. Why was it me..? Why did I live instead..?

[somakemelaugh]

[Oh, that hiding. He keeps rubbing at the back of that head through the hair and settles for stroking those soft locks all the way down to his back and up again.]

People rarely get what they deserve, my lord. You don't deserve what you think. I'm sure that's the guilt talking. Survivor's guilt, they call it. What makes you so special, eh? When everything you know and love was taken in the spell of a night? A month? That's what it is. If you had been the one to be killed and it'd been your brother who took the demon instead, he would have felt the same way. It'd be him on this bed with me right now, saying those same words. There's no reason for it to have happened as it did. It just did. There's no divine intervention, no will or judgement from the world or anyone. This is just what came to pass. The only sure thing is that someone targeted your family, but there's a mystery for another time.

[sweetlies]

[He relaxes a little more. It's hard, impossible almost, to stop the feelings of guilt, but he does feel a bit better with Undertaker soothing him.]

Little over a month... Didn't know until Madam Red had said it. [He mumbles it and just lets out a shaky breath, curling a little further. There had been no indication of time passing for them.]

Would he really, do you think? I'm sure he'd have handled Sebastian and everything else much better than I have. He probably wouldn't have done what I did when I left the... the church.

[somakemelaugh]

[His soothing continues, letting the boy stay just as he is until Ciel is ready to move away.]

I do. He may have handled things differently, but I can't imagine it turning out anything but the same. He loves you, you know. He loves his parents. He would have wanted revenge, same as you do.

[sweetlies]

[He won’t stop him anytime soon. This is cozy.]

Does he..? It’s hard to imagine he’d be anything but cross with all I’ve done. I let Lizzie get caught up in the Music Halls mess. Agni is dead. Soma, I’m sure, thinks I’ve done it. I made a mess of nearly everything.

[somakemelaugh]

[Good. He isn't stopping. The poor boy needs this.]

He would only ever talk about you at first. Even after he woke up and became lucid, you were his focus. You were always his focus. Can you blame him? That month you were gone, all you had was each other and he wanted so desperately to protect you. Why would he care about those others? His fiancee is another matter, but you never hurt her.

[sweetlies]

I wouldn't ever let anything happen to Lizzie.

[It's oddly endearing to hear that his brother has thought about him so much since he'd woken. Even if it was still strange, and a little frustrating, to know that his brother had been brought back to life after seeing the dolls on the Campania and at Weston.

Could his twin end up like that? What, if anything, could trigger that kind of change.]

He did everything he could to protect me then.

[somakemelaugh]

As an Earl would. [And a light squeeze for it.]

So he did. You know him better than anyone. Wouldn't he continue to want to protect you then? Could you believe him?