[closed] I won't try to change your mind

[serpentis]

Who: Dorian and Fenris
Broadcast: NOPE
Action: SS Tourist
When: RIGHT MEOW, after their FITE.

[Dorian had given it a few days, and he avoided Fenris entirely. The truth was that Fenris's words had hurt, and they tangled in Dorian's heart like shards of glass.

For he understood that Fenris hated parts of him. And rightfully so. They had fought on it before but never this bad, and Dorian was realizing with a heavy heart that for as much as he loved Fenris, he would have to work at this.

And Dorian wasn't certain if it was worth it, to make Fenris carry the burden of being with him.

He finally made his way to the Tourist after several days of silence, and when he got to the armory, he nearly turned around and walked away. He nearly told himself to leave Fenris be, to just let him pretend that he didn't exist, to forget him.

So many other lovers had. What was one more?

But, in the end, he knocked, and his voice, in Tevene, was almost quiet.]

Are you in there? I've come to...talk.

[Which was just as hard to say as anything else, admitting that he wanted to try to make things work, or to give Fenris the opportunity to give Dorian closure. To do what Dorian had been expecting from the moment they first kissed.

To realize that Dorian wasn't good enough. Because he never was, to anyone.]

Comments

[serpentis]

[And at that, Dorian does laugh. It's bitter, and he stands, reaching for Fenris, to rest him hands against his shoulders, to close the distance between them.

And he jokes, because it's easier.]

I thought you had set your mind on it long ago that all mages are mad, amatus.

[He closed his eyes, relaxing just a bit. He desperately wants to kiss him, but even he knows that he can't resolve this just by that. Maker's if only he could. How simple it would be, if he could.]

I've never been one you chose what it easy, never cared to walk the easy path. I choose what is right.

And that is you.

[wolfuncaged]

[Fenris allows him to close the distance, his own hands clasping Dorian's arms gently but firmly. The black and gold piece of material is still around his wrist, a constant reminder about where his heart belongs. ]

No.

[There's no anger in his tone, only a quiet sort of resignation. He doesn't want to fight this. Dorian makes him feel better than he has done for a long, long time. The fear remains, however. ]

Putting faith in changing Tevinter, however much I believe it is a foolish endeavour, would be the right choice. What I am is the selfish one.

[serpentis]

It is selfish. Terribly so.

[And Dorian knows that it is. And he knows that this won't be easy, and that it never will be.

And yes, he needs it like air. Like a many in a desert needs water.

His voice is honest, without warmth or heat.]

But I need this, I need you. More than many other things. This honesty... [He scoffs.] ...you bring it out in me, however much it pains me.

I am not a good man. I don't believe that I deserve anything. But I believe that I was meant to find you. I don't want anything easy. I never have. But I know I need you.

[Not just any man, he needs Fenris, in an odd way. They were like two complimentary chess pieces. Men in their own rights, but who fit together in a terribly odd way.]

[wolfuncaged]

I will never make this easy for you.

[He knows that much is too true. He's too stubborn and guarded to do anything else. This wasn't the first time they fought and it certainly won't be the last. He could make Dorian's life a living nightmare, and he still finds it insanity the man would walk willingly into that. He releases Dorian's arms, his own dropping limply to his side. ]

But I need you, too. That much, I know with absolute certainty.

[serpentis]

[Dorian moves his hands, and any cutting or clever words he had die on his tongue.

Instead, he kisses him, hesitantly.]

Then we have each other.

[And he would trade that. Love, honest love. Not the kind they make stories about. Not the kind where everything is perfect and placid.

Their love is a wildfire, a chaotic storm like the kind that settled over Qarinus in the summers. Their love is torrential rain. It's lightning. It's thunderous emotion as their hearts race for each other.

Their love, for better or worse, is Tevene, every bit as the rest of them. It's hot, it's passionate, and it's difficult. It's a struggle, it's a constant battle to reconcile who they are and who they were.

But they love.]

[wolfuncaged]

You are a madman

[But he needs it. He needs that passion and insanity like he needs to breathe. Dorian makes him furious a great deal of the time, but he equally makes Fenris feel like his he wanted that he has a place in this world and is loved for the stubborn, vicious person he is.

It's madness indeed, and Fenris still doesn't know for certain if Dorian will one day come to his senses and regret the choice he has made today.

He pushes it aside, a worry for if that time comes or not. He steps closer, leaning up to return that kiss, just as hesitant, perhaps a little fearful. ]

[serpentis]

[That's all the permission Dorian needs, all he waits for. He takes Fenris's face in his hands, pressing their lips together with barely contained passion. Wanting, desire, as much as frustration and occasionally anger.

That's simply how it was. This was no placid water. The love was an ocean of churning waves that threatened to drown them both.

He pulls back to catch his breath, and he breathes the words quietly.]

Festis bei umo canavarum.

["You will be the death of me."

And he scoffs.]

[wolfuncaged]

[Fenris returns the kiss, matching the ferocity, all clashing teeth and breathlessness. This, he could do, this he understands. As Dorian speaks, he rests his forehead against the other man's taking a shuddery breath. ]

And you will be mine.