text + some video

[thebarkside]

Who: Jade Harley & everyone!
Broadcast: The entire fleet.
Action: On the SS Wonderduck.
When: Today (July 7th)

so i tried something really ridiculous today i cant believe it actually worked!
back in asgard i got the power to grow and control plants?? which was really neat and nothing at all like my powers at home
but its something that i kept when i showed up here!

there were some really funny and annoying little flowers back there too that used to talk and sing and insult people all the time
so i tried to grow some here and it actually worked
look at these little guys!!! theyre so cute

[ and attached will be a short video of a half dozen flowers like these, all apparently napping. they're snoring, too, in a ridiculous and loudly exaggerated way. ]

just for my own sanity i probably wont grow very many, but i just wanted to let you guys know that if any flowers are mean to you then its probably my fault, im sorry! :p

[ and then, about five minutes later, the following message is tacked on: ]

omfg they all died in like four minutes ._.
i am a plant murderer .______.
i never should have tried to play plant god in space .__________.;;;;

Comments

[feathery]

[WHOOPS.]

Yeah, but—

[Time to actually seriously consider alternatives.]

You could burn them, I guess. Have 'em go out viking style. Or press them in a book—uh, no, scratch that one. Keeping a flattened flower face around long enough that it gets discolored seems kind of fucked up.

[thebarkside]

Maybe I'll just, um -

[ jade pulls her sleeve back on her left arm. both of their bracelets from asgard jingle from her wrist as she passes her hand over the wilted flowers atop the meager remains of dirt she has left from the planet they'd visited. it's enough, at least, to grow a few thin vines out of which large, flat leaves appear.

sort of uncomfortably, she wraps the remains of the flowers in the leaves, then tucks the small bundle back into the dirt. ]

I'll just hold onto them until we land again.

[feathery]

[:(]

Yeah. Rest in peace, dudes. [He gives the bundle a salute that, despite everything, cannot be 100% serious.] Especially the big marigold. You had all the makings of a rapping fiend. Flow so ill no doctors would touch it.

[Never mind they were asleep the whole time.]

[thebarkside]

I wasn't gonna let you teach these to rap. Just so you know.

[ JADE IS JUST... gently... packing them away in her stuff... and feeling weirdly morbid while she does it.



she'd feel better if she could taxidermy them, ok ]

[feathery]

What. Why not. That's fucking depraved.

[At least this makes him switch a little from sadfacing the flowers to giving Jade a look of mild indignation.]

[thebarkside]

I am pretty sure we'd both be literally kicked off the ship if we introduced rapping flowers into the social system here.

[ she shoots him a matching look. ]

[feathery]

Look, that shit is in their blood. Pollen. Sap? Do flowers even have sap.

[He doesn't know how flowers work. You just water them and put them in sunlight when they start yelling at you.]

[thebarkside]

[ ... ]

I'm buying you a science book. Like - third or fourth grade. You should be able to handle that, right?

[feathery]

I'm just saying you got to let them explore their creative avenues. Give them a chance to step up and slaughter the mic.

[He stubbornly isn't acknowledging that.]

[thebarkside]

Why don't you go slaughter the mic first.

[ just. offering him her communicator. ]

[feathery]

For real.

[Is she actually enabling him. What is this.]

[thebarkside]

Would I joke about this?

[ in a deadpan. ]

[feathery]

Yes.

[Equally deadpan.]

[thebarkside]

[ oh god she's trying so hard not to smile. ]

I'm wounded by the insinuation.

[feathery]

[Rude, Jade, rude.]

I'm gonna teach someone here how to rap.

[Unless he miraculously finds a like-minded individual.]

[thebarkside]

I wanna sit in on the lessons! Maybe I'll pick something up.

[ what is rap even supposed to sound like. she has no idea. ]

[feathery]

[Jade??? He is so disappointed. He's known you for how many years?]

Nope. This class is for serious artists only. You'll have to wait for the unveiling like everybody else.

[thebarkside]

[ yeah AND??? ]

Like you could stop me anyway.

[feathery]

I'll stick gum in your hair.

[He doesn't even have any gum.]