When We're Rollin Through the Wild Wild West

[geonomy]

Who: Everyone! EVERYONE!
Broadcast: IF YOU WANNA
Action: Everywhere! EVERYWHERE!
When: Mid-September - Mid-October

[How's your ship doing, pardners? Is it still pretty damaged? Is it glitching out hardcore? Well, there is one place to land to take care of all that, and that's on a dusty old moon in front of a planet that no one wants to go to. On this moon, you'll find a civilization that looks a lot like one's stepped into a wild west movie, hardened cowpolk and mutant horses and all. Will you become a vigilante, hunting bounties and stopping gangs from doing their dirty work? Will you go exploring planetside, with a cowboy hat and a stalk of wheat in your mouth to complete the look? Good luck with that; there is no wheat. This town ain't big enough for all you flooters, but make it so! For the ratings!

In other words, it's a planet mingle! Get 'er done!]

[September Planet info here]

Comments

[arcanepower]

[His eyes narrow into bright green slits. Yes, they are definitely glowing.]

That is... unfortunate, because I am the ship's cook and have been for as long as I have been here. [He crosses his arms and tries to look intimidating, but it doesn't really work.] I make dinner every day and breakfast on the weekends. You are free to cook other meals as you please, but I will not accept less than perfection if you attempt to replace me.

[experiencepoints]

Uh. Sorry, wait. What? If you're the cook, why would I be brought here? In the first place, I don't want to replace anyone, I'm still trying to figure out what's going on.

[The glowing eyes don't phase her at all, but for completely the wrong reason- She thinks he's casting Scan on her to see her class and stats, so she obligingly changes class to cook to demonstrate. Not that there is any noticeable sign of this to someone who can't see stats.]

I'll let you make those. I can make other meals, or just... find another way to be useful.

[arcanepower]

[He's surprised at how quickly she just... gives up. Well, that's fine. Surprising, but better in the end. Hiro would not be pleased to learn that Belth set the new girl on fire.]

Atroma doesn't care. We have two pilots and neither of them have hands. I've given up trying to make logical sense of that.

[Now he has no excuse to be a jerk, though, so he softens slightly.]

... At any rate, my name is Belthazar. Do you have any food allergies or preferences I should know about?

[experiencepoints]

... No, wait, hold on, sorry. Go back to the part about our pilots not having hands. Who exactly are our pilots?

[She has a sudden sinking feeling she knows where this is going...]

[arcanepower]

[He kinda understands, so he doesn't complain.]

Cheese Sandwich, who is a small horse, and Frobisher, who is a penguin.

[experiencepoints]

... The musical horse.

[It's like watching her worst fears come to reality in front of her.]

And... a penguin. Like, not some kind of transformation, but... actually a penguin.

[arcanepower]

[He watches her life flash before her eyes, and he's the kind of sick kid to find amusement in it.]

Oh, yes. He is very musical. And very obnoxious. I would not blame you if you wished to transfer away from him.

The penguin is a shapeshifter, actually. I am not sure if he prefers that form or if it is his real one, but he is very stubborn about it.

[experiencepoints]

As soon as I figure out how. At least I'm not the only one who thinks that.

... Whatever makes him happy, as long as he can fly the ship, I guess.

[arcanepower]

I think you can access the form through the ship console or your communicator. I've never done it, personally.

[HAHA...]

He is a very strange little penguin who does many things without fingers. It's quite perplexing.

[experiencepoints]

... Fuck it. I used to share a dorm with a bird that liked to wear dresses, I can deal with a penguin flying a ship.

[As long as she tries very hard not to think about the fact that she's on a ship being flown by a penguin.]

[arcanepower]

[He blinks.]

Someone dressed up their pet bird?

[experiencepoints]

No. The bird stole the dress and shut itself in the bathroom to put it on.

[arcanepower]

How-- why-- actually, never mind. I am better off not knowing.

For the record, the small horse only eats vegetables. I thought it common sense but sometimes it bears repeating. I do not want to be on the wrong side of a meat-eating horse.

[experiencepoints]

You really are. That's an image that will haunt me for the rest of my life.

Yeah, good call. I've seen monster horses turn nasty, and they're vicious. Vicious and really hard to put down.

[Oh, right, he asked her a question earlier...]

I'm fine with most foods, as long as they're not too sweet, I guess? I got used to cooking vegan stuff for my team, but I'm no vegan myself.

[arcanepower]

Please don't put down the tiny horse. If anyone should do it, it's the medic. He has sedatives.

[PLEASE.]

Noted. I make desserts frequently, but I am sure the others would be more than happy to eat your share.

[experiencepoints]

Unless he starts trying to eat people, we're fine. An infinite amount of annoying accordions is a pain, but it's not something I'm going to attack him for.

Yeah, that's fine with me.