005 - Will you do the fandango

[onlyanapple]

Who: Crowley and you!
Broadcast: Fleetwide
Action: Iskaulit
When: Today!

[The Fleet will be greeted with the blasting noise of that song he got for Christmas, you know the one. If you don't, now you do. You're welcome. The screen flickers on to show the interior of the Iskaulit. Specifically, a brand new bar.

Everything is black and metalic, sleek and modern. Neon lights of blues and greens offer some light. This place screams fancy. It's even got a pretentious name, the word 'Málum' in red above the bar proper. It's an inside joke.

Crowley turns the device to grin at the audience.]

So, Varric may have started up his quaint little shithole but I'm here to offer you an alternative. After all "I might get a disease from one of these chairs" isn't what some people are looking for in a watering hole.

Open til late, free shot with every pitcher, yadda yadda, come and drink your troubles away. Enjoy our jukebox with songs from...whatever the fuck is on the network. Sorry if it's shite. That's just standard jukebox fare, if we're being honest.

Let's drink our bullshit troubles away.

[[OOC: And from this point on, Málum is a location you can use! If your character wants a handwaved job, they're welcome to it. The more people, the less Crowley has to work for himself and he does love less work.

Comments

[ video ]

[onlyanapple]

It's a flaw of my species. Humans are so much better at it.

Re: [ video ]

[beardstrokes]

Why thank you. We aim to please, after all.

[ video ]

[onlyanapple]

That you most certainly do.

Re: [ video ]

[beardstrokes]

Do I? From one conversation?

[ video ]

[onlyanapple]

I meant humans in general, but sure, why not. You too.

Re: [ video ]

[beardstrokes]

I wasn't aware humans could be generalized so easily.

[ video ]

[onlyanapple]

Turns out if you see enough of them, it's surprisingly easy. Humans have a terrible habit of repeating their own history, their past mistakes, over and over again.

It's endearing, really.

[He loves humans, you're the best. ]

Re: [ video ]

[beardstrokes]

It sounds like you have personal experience with our long record.

[ Granted, Obi-Wan isn't sure what he's referring to. The galactic history that he knows will be very different from the one Crowley is talking about. ]

[onlyanapple]

With humanity? Oh yes. I've watched humans from the very beginning.

[Which, of course, is so very different from the one Obi-Wan is thinking of. Other world shenanigans abound. ]

[beardstrokes]

The beginning . . . of the universe?

[ That is impossible, isn't it? Only the Force can exist so far back in time. ]

[onlyanapple]

The beginning of humanity. Y'know, Adam and Eve?

[Maybe he IS the Force?!! (He is so not the Force) ]

[beardstrokes]

I beg your pardon, who?

[ How would humanity begin with only two people . . . ? ]

[onlyanapple]

Ah. Different universe, then. Adam and Ever, the first humans the Big Guy created, plopped them down in the Garden of Eden.

[beardstrokes]

How . . . bizarre. It sounds like a legend, but from the way you talk about it, it seems like it actually . . . happened.

[onlyanapple]

In my world? It definitely did. I was there to watch it all. Then humanity got boring for a while, until they invented the wheel and got a bit more interesting again.

[beardstrokes]

Is that all you do? Watch them . . . develop?

[onlyanapple]

Technically I meddle, too. But I've retired so mostly it's just watching these days.

[beardstrokes]

Isn't that a bit dull?

[ Obi-Wan's never been good at simply watching, the way Qui-Gon was. He preferred action himself. ]

[onlyanapple]

Not at all. Humans are fascinating. Just as much as you can predict them, they can equally surprise you. Never known anything else manage that as well as your lot.

[He's not lying there.]

[beardstrokes]

[ He smiles, faintly charmed. ]

That's quite a glowing compliment.

[onlyanapple]

[Just the way Crowley likes people to react. ]

It was supposed to be.

[beardstrokes]

I'm sure you say that to all the humans.

[onlyanapple]

Only the ones I like.

[beardstrokes]

I thought you said you are fond of all of them.

[onlyanapple]

But some are special. Or at least have the potential to be.