driftfleet | mingle part deux

And I don't know how well he'd be able to keep it contained. That's its main danger, but I have the ability to dissipate it if I need to.

[ He could take it back from Ozai, and definitely would. He's had more than enough of people stealing his family's techniques. ]

It's impressive that you were able to have it in close proximity without hurting yourself.

Fire is fire.

[ life, death, and everything in between. ]

I can show you on the next planet, if it's... relatively empty. And if I'm feeling better.

[ zuko would never unless he had absolute control and poise over his abilities, and he currently does not. sigh. ]

[ Well it's technically cursed hellfire that's supposedly as hot as the surface of the sun, but... hellfire is still fire too, he supposes; Zuko's right. Really it would just be giving Zuko ammunition in a fight, which would only serve to make things more interesting. ]

As long as you keep it away from your body. [ Just as a precaution. ]

... I'd also need to improve first. I told you that my abilities felt limited when I arrived here, even if I was able to produce a clone yesterday.

I have no intention of being burned.

[ one horrific injury was enough, thanks. ozai is a piece of shit.

zuko is pretty sure what sasuke actually told him was "my abilities were limited BUT I'M NOT TELLING YOU ANYTHING", though he doesn't bring it up. instead, he considers that for a moment. ]

Why did you make a clone yesterday?

[ :| ]

[ Potato, potahto, semantics. ]

... what's with that tone? [ First off. ] I made a clone to see if I could make a clone.

Ever since I noticed those limitations I've been practicing all my techniques every day to stay abreast of new developments or try to force my way past them.

[ it's an unintentional tone!!! but good to know ino actually didn't tell sasuke about her stalk azula plan. because. um. no. ]

I was just curious.

[ yeah that's it ]

-- have you slept since you got here?

[ Sasuke eyes him up because he does not believe that for one minute, gullible but not completely braindead. ]

If you think it's sleep deprivation affecting my fighting, I've already considered that. It's had no effect in the past. [ Yeah no that's clearly not what he's suggesting. ]

I need to do more research on space itself. Are there resources?

No, I think sleep deprivation is affecting your brain cells.

[ as he pushes himself up to stand, to hunt down something else to eat. ]

And I'm told there's a library on the Iskaluit, the larger ship that nobody lives on. I've never been there before.

If this is about the armless thing, you started that. [ Maybe. He's going to blame him anyway. ]

Perhaps I'll go there after this, then. Now tell me why you were asking about my clones.

I did not start that.

[ it's said automatically as he goes to a cupboard, an arm looping around his waist instinctively. his ribs hurt. fucking allen. ]

I meant not sleeping for a week is concerning, not because I care whether or not you're able to defend yourself. I know you can.

[ and as he considers his options in terms of food he

blatantly ignores the question ]

There's a garden on the Iskaluit too.

{ LALALA ]

I've been meaning to go look at it.

You started that. [ more firmly, YOU'RE THE ONE WHO SAID MADARA WOULD TAKE THE OTHER ARM ]

[ But no, allow him to just stare at Zuko's back as if he's offended by how bad his deflections are. Sure, he expects him to try, but he's holding him a higher standard of actually putting some effort into it. ]

[ He inhales shortly, sitting up a little straighter as if bracing himself for something particularly difficult. ]

I've slept, but for no more than an hour at a time. I assumed it would become easier, but it hasn't. I'll deal with it.

Now be honest with me.

[ augh, he has to pull the honesty card, and zuko sighs before turning, closing the cabinet again so he can lean against it, looping his arms around his waist with a frown. ]

Ino brought up an idea about monitoring Azula full-time, and she said that because I knew two of the ninjas in the Fleet, I could have it done pretty easily.

[ pause ]

She also said that you would probably only do it if I asked you to, and I said that I didn't want her to bring up the idea again, and to stop butting in.

[ another pause ]

Good to know that she's capable of keeping her word.

[ ... he hates so many things about what he just heard that he honestly doesn't know where to begin. ]

Is that so. [ jfc now he really isn't going to sleep, he has zero zen here ]

She thinks that's necessary. She thinks we should be the ones involved. She volunteered me without speaking to me about it. She thinks I'm incapable of offering aid without some kind of ulterior motive. [ Because that's what friendship is now, an ulterior motive. ]

Fine, I see why you didn't tell me. And neither did she, so it's unrelated to my training.

[ zuko listens to the first three statements, quiet (because they're all true), but when sasuke gets to the fourth, his brow furrows, because that's the absolute opposite of truth. from his perspective, anyway. ]

You've already offered me help and support without an ulterior motive, that has nothing to do with it. I didn't tell you because I don't want anyone to be involved with my sister except me.

[ it's said flatly. ]

Would you ask me to follow Itachi around, if I had the ability to? Or would you want to deal with it yourself?

[ the situation with azula has absolutely nothing to do with whether or not sasuke is trustworthy or capable. it's just family. ]

[ Just hearing Itachi's name causes him to look back down at the table, certainly not needing to search for the answer.

But Azula and Itachi are very different people. Itachi's trustworthy, not someone who would network with people through deception just to try to potentially wreak havoc on the fleet. He'd carry out what he perceived his task to be, and then he would leave. ]

... I said what I said because I agree with you. She shouldn't have intruded in the issue but she was making you aware of your resources. [ Sasuke rubs his right temple, working to dispel a mild headache. ]

She was likely still angry with me when she spoke to you anyway. [ Or at the very least perturbed. ]

That's not my point.

[ jeez sasuke ]

It's not fair of me to hold you up to a standard of someone that isn't here anymore. And I can accept that.

[ kind of. he's working on it. but he and allen had a productive feelings jam over this and he's trying to put it into practice. ]

But that doesn't change the fact that I have the advantage of knowing that you can be a trustworthy person, if you set your mind to it. I have three years of advantage, of knowing you can and will be there when I need you to be. I don't need someone to tell me what my resources are. Neither does Ino.

[ his ribs hurt, ugh. ]

You wouldn't bother volunteering to help with Azula if you didn't want to do it just for the sake of helping. And Ino wouldn't have bothered offering you up for help if she didn't know that, too.

[ Every single word just makes him feel more conflicted, hearing absolutely everything he needs to hear but still there's a voice in the back of his head reminding him how heavy these expectations are, that he can now add a past version of himself and an ideal future version of himself to the long list of what he's had to live up to.

It's cowardly to think that, though, and there's another internal reprimand ready as a reminder to himself that he said he expected to be judged and held to the high standard Zuko says he's not actually trying to make him feel he has to measure up to.

No wonder he's a fucking mess, still not looking up as his thoughts and emotions go haywire behind that calm exterior. ]

Aa. [ finally ]

She's the same as you, trusting because of past experiences despite not having fully lived through everything I did in our world. I don't know if I can be satisfied with that or take it seriously, but regaling her with every detail and then asking her to try to forgive me again just feels...

self-indulgent. [ Or doing the same thing to Zuko, which remains unsaid. How masochistic; let's talk about enucleation again. ]

[ zuko is really bad at this. but he supposes the only reason why he hasn't told sasuke "you should really talk to someone else" is because he understands. it's hard to obtain penance for things you've done wrong, and it's a painful process. zuko is still going through it, and it's really only through the support of his friends and what family he has left that he's managed to get as far as he has. they have much more faith in zuko than he does himself.

so he's quiet for a moment, considering that. ]

... maybe you should work on forgiving yourself instead of working up to some imaginary expectation.

[ Sasuke has Naruto, and in some cases Sakura, and that's it. Except for right now he actually has neither of them, used to being alone but it's harder without substantial distractions.

So he's a little awkward in his honesty, clearly hesitant but seeming more frustrated with himself than anything else. ]

I couldn't begin to know how to do that.

I don't think you ever really do.

[ zuko isn't entirely sure he's forgiven himself. he's forgiven himself for some things -- but not all things. and it's really through aang's encouragement and guidance that zuko has even gotten that far. if the avatar can forgive him, anyone can. zuko just has to work for it. ]

But ... a large part of my history, and my ability, is through finding your inner peace. Which isn't... my speciality.

[ and zuko hesitates before moving his hands, conjuring a ball of flames between his hands -- but it's dim, flickering, almost like it's about to go out. hardly the bright solid strength it was before. he needs to meditate, and sleep, and eat, and sort through how he feels. and then he'll be fine. ]

It's hard to give light to something if you can't find it in yourself.

[ or that's what iroh always tells him, anyway. ]

[ Inner peace? He wants to listen but years of isolation and reliance on anything but has jaded cynicism creeping in, quietly watching that weak flame. Well, he'll at least definitely remember that for later.

He gestures to his own eyes, reddened for emphasis as he looks at him. ]

I gained my power through loss. The sharingan on the night my family members were killed, and its higher form on the day I watched my brother die. That's my history, and that's the largest part of my ability.

So what the hell is that supposed to mean for me?

That you need to find something else to root your motivation in, besides power, and besides what your family gave you.

[ it isn't meant to be so blunt, but it's true. the fire nation -- zuko's family -- has nearly destroyed their world. it only takes one link in the chain to break for it to create a new path. that link just happened to be zuko.

the thought is terrifying, and the prospects daunting, but zuko has to do it. because he has no other choice. ]

You have a path to walk, but there's always going to be something behind you. You can either look back at it and learn from it, or you can look back and focus on it, and stop moving forward. It's up to you.

Edited 2016-01-24 21:10 (UTC)

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