driftfleet | (no subject)

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(no subject)

Who: natalie goodman
Broadcast: fleetwide
Action: n/a
When: now!

you know what sucks about being brought here

[oh boy, here we go.]

like apart from being sol in space. the basic premise here is that this is reality tv right? which is never actually reality. so they specifically picked us based on entertainment value is my guess. can you imagine anyone normal and fine and competent being interesting to watch? nah, not as much as someone who's constantly a mess. isn't it weird to think about how everyone here was picked probably because they're dysfunctional enough for viewers to keep watching? adding insult to injury if you ask me.

anyways i'm kind of curious about what makes you strange enough to be here. fill me in if you've got a guess.

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christ

i would probably literally want to die after five years

how long has it been for you

like

seven months in total maybe? jesus that's weird to think about

dunno if it makes it better or worse to say that sounds about average for most people
how long they get snatched up by interdimensional powers that be before getting shipped off elsewhere i mean

are you an expert in interdimensional kidnapper habits

how common is the whole getting killed multiple times thing you mentioned

not really
i do however got a surplus of free time on my hands
you could even say im a professional waster of that shit whos set to use it in the dumbest fucking ways possible
so i guess slathering up all the incidental details people cobble together on the network in some genre savvy horror is a hobby

[Also he has Guidebook Problems™, but that's a separate can of birdworms.]

anyway i dunno to be honest
it was kinda common where i was last but thats probably just a side effect of fighting a war in softcore fantasyland
it sounds like it varies from place to interdimensional place
havent heard about anyone dying here though just doing dumb shit that would merit a trip to a doctor without space tech or superpowers available

yeah the surplus of free time makes sense since there's literally nothing to do here, ever. congrats on your genre savvy cobbling together of mostly useless details though

war?? that suuuucks. man i thought i had it bad

yeah i can put that skill on my resume in a bid for rehoming by the macrocosms home for birds
so what kind of shitheap had you collected before you made an unwitting bid for televised space fame

i would ask what birds have to do with anything but frankly im not really sure i want to know

"save the world by getting maimed or slaughtered roughly once a week" is a pretty good summary

yeah probably not
but
thats
a pretty fucked up deal just saying
i mean at least it wasnt guaranteed id get maimed or slaughtered if i thought throwing myself in the path of the nearest giant was a rad idea at the time

yeah trust me if i had a choice i would've asked them to get someone else to save the world by getting fucked over repeatedly, my hot mess levels were way too high to cope with that shit

more importantly you sound like you need some help with your decision making skills

whoa who said my decision making in that scenario was anything other than hypothetical
or alternatively
maybe my skills have gotten better over time

not sure "not running into the path of a giant" is a skill, that seems like it lands pretty firmly in the common sense category

also that example was way too specific to not be a thing you've done

i mean my decision making ones
those couldnt get worse
probably
and i swear i wouldnt have done it if i werent tasked with fighting them anyway
also probably
id like to think i was significantly dumber a year or two ago whenever i have to review the long baffling catalogue of my past activities

having to fight them doesn't mean jumping in front of one is an a+ idea

lol sounds like you have a lot of fun stories then

i guess
dont think i can compete with anything that involves getting maimed or slaughtered on a weekly basis though

totally different

presumably nobody forced you into a room with the people you were supposed to do war against and used magic to make sure you couldn't get out until it was over

i maintain that i still have common sense bc i would have gotten the hell out of dodge if i could

Edited 2016-03-27 04:23 (UTC)

well i meant storywise but yeah im not really interested in challenging anyone from the other cesspits about the element of choice involved in their abduction
at least my shit is all on me
or
well
mostly

it seems really fucked to say anyone who's been kidnapped by shitholes before this is lucky but

im pretty jealous honestly

yeah if im 100% unironically honest for a change of pace
it was a better deal than where i came from
still wouldnt go back but
at least there was a purpose to it all
better than here where you just kind of wait around until a mysterious possibly nonexistent alien audience decides they get bored of you and put you in storage or wherever it is they do with us

idk man it's pretty nice not having to worry about getting killed, it's been like two months which is a big thing for me

fingers crossed that neither of us gets fridged though

almost asking to jinx it
isnt that how it works

that's not a thing

but if i disappear ill make sure i leave you a card saying "i told you so"

i'm never telling you my name specifically so you cannot ever do that