driftfleet | first one to make that doctor who joke loses

[In the end, nothing's quite managed to make Asuka's sheer need to show off disappear. She's told him enough about darts and the variations on games to bore him to tears. They're not quite a passion for her, not like piloting used to be, but they were what she used to pull herself back together after the accident. NERV had been reluctant to let her pilot again, especially when it was discovered for sure that her contamination wasn't contained, much less removed. They'd offered stipulations in order to defer her. Physical and mental requirements before she could so much as touch a sim. Accuracy training-- that was what the darts were for. There in the hospital, she must have turned at least four dartboards into Swiss cheese.]

That's the idea.

[Her grin is only halfway, showing a sliver of teeth. The mascot bugs her, too, but she shrugs. Shinji doesn't need any more gloom than he's carrying around already. Killer's a good starting game. Simple.] Don't worry about him. Ready?

[She fixes her stance, such as it is. She's wearing one of the outfits she'd bought on the Starlight, the skirt and blouse combination he'd seemed to like. She shifts her first dart to her left hand and throws it. 10. Not a bad shot.]

That's my number. I'll have to get it the next five times. Now throw for yours.

[Shinji doesn't have any appreciation for these dart games. He doesn't even like physical exertion that much. And when he isn't interested in something--calligraphy practice, for example--his performance will suffer tremendously. Most of the things Asuka told him went in one ear and right out the other, so he isn't even sure what the rules of the game are. Something about trying to hit certain numbers and... killing people? How comforting. Not to mention, Shinji is distracted by the creepy mascot, and his own swirling-the-drain thoughts. Kaworu has been avoiding him ever since that night. Simultaneously, Kaworu is acting like nothing has changed between them. The most frustrating thing.]

--Oh, it's my turn.

[Right. No more zoning out. He's supposed to throw a dart and get a number. Belatedly, he remembers to switch to his nondominant hand. He throws the dart... It's a weak throw, but it lands and sticks within 19.]

That's my number? [he asks, then, just to make sure. He should have paid more attention.] So now I have to hit that section of the board again? [Asuka literally just explained this to him... yikes...]

Edited 2016-04-08 14:27 (UTC)

Yeah. Weren't you listening?

[No. He wasn't. Asuka deflates a little, then gets another dart (red, of course), tossing it impatiently. It hits the 10 on the target without much effort. Asuka glances at him, peeved. What's gotten into Shinji, anyway? He was in a better mood last time they met up, at the clothing boutique. If he didn't feel up for a minor game of darts... well, he should have put her off.]

[Asuka ignores the fact that had he done so, she would've demanded an explanation until he was forced to reveal whatever his problem was. Killer's a more fun game with three, four, even five people. Especially early on, when she was still cute and determined instead of just hellbent, she could get a handful of nurses to play against her, but they petered out as time went by. She cocks her head.] Look, you're the one who okayed this. What's the matter with you?

[Shinji looks up at the ceiling with a "dear god, please give me strength" sort of sourness on his face. What's wrong with him? Really? What's wrong with him could fill an entire textbook of scholarly articles. The Problems of Ikari Shinji: A Treatise in 13 Parts.

He's tempted to brush off Asuka's concern, to misdirect and deflect her suspicion. Nothing, he could say, the tried-and-true standby. I'm fine. Or, None of your business, if he's feeling adventurous. But he remembers promising her that he wouldn't leave her alone again. He remembers how he broke that promise (such a bastard), hurting her even more. That's why running away isn't an option anymore.]

I'm just dealing with some stuff. [Hopefully, that's vague enough that Asuka won't start asking probing questions. He throws the next dart and--it strikes the 7 section. Now he's behind. More evidence that he's a failure.] Like, you know... we're stuck on this horrendous moon for a while. You're lucky that you don't have to wear a face mask.

Edited 2016-04-09 05:24 (UTC)

[Leave it to Shinji to turn an anthill into Mount Everest. The moon isn't a big deal; in fact, it's not entirely dissimilar to what they've got back home, which is probably Shinji's whole problem. But it's still not what she'd call horrendous. They seem to have better control over the wastelands, since they've dealt with them so long. And there's still signs of life here, which is more than she can say for most of Earth's inhabitants, miserable, dying out. These people enjoy life enough to compete.]

It's not so bad. [Asuka tosses her dart too absentmindedly, her dart hitting less than an inch to the left of his, right on the seven. She frowns, looking at the rest of her darts as if they're clearly what's at fault here, rather than her own irritability and anxiousness.] I don't see what's lucky about it. Not having to breathe doesn't mean I still don't want to sometimes.

[If other people hadn't told Shinji about the other amazing planets, he wouldn't be so aggrieved right now. He thought they were headed for a tropical destination the likes of which he had never seen before. There should have been towering trees and crystal-clear water and fertile soil that didn't need to be treated chemically. It should have been everything he had always yearned for when reading the history books. The world before Second Impact...

He lines up the next shot, but only so Asuka won't get on his case too badly. This time, the dart strikes his number near the triple ring.]

It should be obvious. You don't have to eat, or sleep, or breathe, or any of that. You're really strong. If something bad happens, you'll be able to defend yourself. It's the same for Kaworu-kun. You and him...

[Jealousy, sharp and sudden, slides between his ribs like a Prog knife.]

You've been getting along better with him. Right?

Edited 2016-04-09 08:37 (UTC)

Triple. [If they'd been using one of the electronic dartboards, it wouldn't have counted as such, but it's close enough. She'll give it to him this time, since she's still fairly certain she'll win-- and fairly certain he's got more on his mind than the game of darts.] They count for three, so you only need two more points to be a killer.

[The more she thinks about it, the more she realizes that they should have each thrown three times in succession. Then again, Shinji's not going to know the difference. She readies her shot, distractedly, and hits a triple herself. A real one.]

Idiot. It's not the same. I can't do half of what he can. [And I wouldn't want to, either. She doesn't say it, but the unspoken words seem to hang in the air. He shouldn't remind her of what she doesn't have to do, act like it's lucky when it's horrible, the process gradual and agonizing.]

You wanted us to get along, didn't you? [So that's at least some of what this is. Asuka's posture stiffens, and she stares at him, disgusted.] We've been talking. That's all.

[Shinji blinks several times, surprised. He didn't even realize hitting a triple was a good thing until Asuka said something about it. Does that mean he could win? Or, uh, he first needs to become the killer to be able to snipe her number... or something...?! He suddenly feels like he has something to lose instead of losing being a foregone conclusion. Not a good feeling. His own stance is changing: more defensive, it seems.]

Yeah, that's what I wanted, but... ["But" nothing. He shouldn't be discussing this topic with her. She says they're talking more and he wants to accuse her of making promises of an unknown, sickening nature. He wants to accuse her of making Kaworu afraid--that's what Kaworu said, he was afraid--and all this other stuff. Probably isn't the best time for a confrontation like that.

He says, meanderingly,] Kaworu-kun has been acting weird for a few weeks now and I'm just wondering if he's said anything to you about me. Or if you said something...

[He throws the next dart, missing his number by a bit. He's inconsistent.]

I'm just wondering.

Edited 2016-04-10 03:59 (UTC)

[So inconsistent. How he ever piloted Eva so well is beyond her-- but she knows, really. If Eva were only a question of talent, then she never would have had to worry. Her success would have been guaranteed. But will has just as much to do with it. Will and a certain je ne sais quoi that Asuka's pondered hatefully off and on for years. Sometimes she's scared she knows what it is.]

[She tosses a purposely effortless double. There. That actually brings her to six, but the outcome's the same: she qualifies as a killer now, able to aim for his number on the target. If he even remembers that.]

Are you jealous, idiot?

[And it doesn't feel good to be on the receiving end of that. Shinji blanches, than, managing to look even more chaotic and unhealthy that he already does. He neglects to throw the next dart, or maybe he's lost track of whose turn it is. It doesn't matter. Nothing else matters if Kaworu doesn't like him anymore.]

He can barely look at me, but he went out with you to get coffee.

[Translation: he's so jealous that he's actively stalking conversations.]

If I did something wrong, I have a right to know about it. If I've wronged him, or you...

[He's too much of a coward to ask Kaworu directly. Still working up to that.]

[In hindsight, Asuka knows she shouldn't be surprised. Her and Shinji are alike in more ways than either of them want to admit. They're not good. They're not selfless. But it still comes as a shock to know he's been reading their messages, harmless as they've been. And he's come to his own conclusions. Stupid. Stupid.]

It was just coffee! Can't I have coffee with anyone I want?! Can't he?

[She throws her darts-- not towards the board, but onto the floor. Forget this. Just forget this. There's a lot Shinji doesn't know. A lot Kaworu promised that she wouldn't tell him. But for God's sake--]

It wasn't a date! You-- you're not dating either of us anyway! You've got no right to be pissed off!

[Shinji winces when Asuka yells at him, again when the darts clatter on the floor, and a third time when she yells at him some more. His body language is that of someone being backed into a corner of their own making. Adding insult to injury, the frog mascot creeper is still watching them.]

And I'm just worried! I wasn't trying to--to accuse you--I mean, if you guys were on a date, I wouldn't freak out about it. [That's a stomach-churning lie on his part, delivered in a tone he hopes is conciliatory.] Some stuff happened, and then he started acting weird, so I was just... [He crouches down to retrieve Asuka's darts for her. No more eye contact.] If you know what's up, I'd like to know. That's all. That is all I'm saying, Asuka.

Edited 2016-04-10 05:50 (UTC)

[Liar. It would serve him right if they did go on a date, for all he's hemmed and hawed and refused to make a real choice in the matter. Probably bolstered his ego to think that two people were in love with them and he could leave them dangling. Asuka coils one hand into a fist while the other stays open, palm extended to take the darts she doesn't give a damn about now.]

[She takes a deep, pointless breath. Funny how yelling still requires some air. He probably got drunk on Shinji, too. There's no way Asuka would have been the first one Kaworu would text. But whatever happened between them then isn't what's really hanging over Kaworu's head. It can't be.]

You're prying. If he's got something he wants to tell you, he'll tell you. Don't try worming things out of me. It's none of my business.

[Shinji's heart leaps into his throat. If he's got something he wants to tell you--does that mean there's something to tell, or is that just a hypothetical? Either way, Shinji can sense that he won't be getting any answers out of Asuka. She wouldn't break a promise just because. If the promise is related at all, anyway. Kaworu's distance might have more to do with the kiss, but that's a confusing dead end, too.

Shinji scoops up the last of the darts, stands back up, and deposits them in Asuka's hand. He lingers, though. His fingers curl around the darts to brush the edges of her palm. Finally, he notices that she's wearing the outfit he liked the most. She's trying to impress him.]

... I guess I'm taking it for granted. [He glances up at her. Before she can question it, he says,] You're right. It's not so bad here. It seems like a peaceful place, aside from the war games. If I have time to worry about this kind of thing, then... then I'm just being spoiled...

[He hasn't been inside an Eva in more than two months. He will never, ever forget what that was like--but it's getting further away with every second of every day.]

Sorry. Can we start over? I'll do better this time.

Edited 2016-04-10 06:45 (UTC)

The game?

[Or the conversation in general? Asuka's frown deepens. She probably shouldn't have pounced on him like that. But it had felt weirdly good to call him out. Even better, in a strange way, to know he cared enough about at least one of them to get jealous. Probably more Kaworu than her. Asuka hates second place, but it's better than not placing at all.]

[When he gives her back the darts, touching her palm, she takes a step as if she's about to head over to the dartboard and yank the others out. But then she steps back again, closing her hand over the darts. Should have worked on his stance before plunging him into a game. There's still time.]

What are you taking for granted?

Yeah. The game. [Restarting a game is a lot easier than anything else. He can't just take back the things he's said or his own joke of a life. If time travel were possible, he'd probably go back and meet his mother and tell her in no uncertain terms to not have a child. They'd be able to find another pilot to replace him. Someone better-trained and more tenacious. Someone who wouldn't destroy the world, at least.

He shakes out his hands and then rubs them together. They're kind of cold and numb, maybe due to poor circulation or something psychosomatic. Quietly, he says,] You. Being here with you. Doing normal things with you. [In Misato's apartment, they didn't do much together aside from arguing and watching TV. This game is brand-new.] Hey, did you want to listen to music after this?

Edited 2016-04-11 04:43 (UTC)

Stupid. That's nothing new. [Taking her for granted, she means. Maybe she shouldn't be that harsh with him, as apt as he is to crumple up at a single sharp comment, sometimes, but her mouth gets the best of her, as usual. It's hard to put up with him spacing out and then returning.]

[So she yanks the darts out and they restart. He's better and she's worse, strangely, but she saves face after the game is done and she lands three darts in a straight line down the center of the board. She damn near made Mari be backup in every mission, terrified as she was that Mari might be better, but it pleases Asuka's ego to think that Mari couldn't make shots like that with four eyes.]

[That guy Shinji doesn't like is still there, for some reason, but Asuka's long since begun to ignore his presence. She's pulling out their darts again.]

What kinds do you have?

[Shinji performs well, better than expected, now that he's paying attention to the game. Still, his effort isn't enough to clinch a win. Asuka is more consistent with aiming than he is, overall, and that's the deciding factor. As always, he's gracious about losing in that muted, self-deprecating way of his. I wasn't good enough can be found in his every gesture. I'll never be good enough.]

All kinds, [he replies, heading over to the empty bleachers. His jacket is sitting on the bottom row; bending down, he retrieves a silvery music player from the inner pocket.] I've been listening to jazz music lately... [He untangles the earbuds, glancing up at Asuka.] Want to give that a try? It's not bad.

[Asuka's just satisfied she doesn't have to suffer the indignity of a loss in the game he's just learned. Not that it would be the first time. Her ego's appeased since he seems to have his heart in things, at least a bit. She's sort of wondering if she should ask if he's hungry, if she should offer to buy him some food, when he offers her the earbuds. She only takes one as she gets her seat on the bleachers. Music's one of those things that's more frequently accompanied by an off-key blaring for her to enjoy much on her own, but... it could be nice when it's communal. When it's just listening with him.]

Yeah. I want to.

[She lets him pick out the track, of course. It's smooth, sort of wistful, with a lot of what at least sounds like piano. Not heavy at all, not overpowering, just fragile. She sits in silence, not scooting up closer, just absorbing the sounds, foot twitching slightly in time with the tempo.] It's nice.

[Shinji doesn't scoot any closer, either. He doesn't have that kind of initiative today. Kaworu's tacit rejection has confirmed for Shinji that he's fundamentally undesirable. And if Asuka had had better options, she never would have liked him in the first place. No one could argue otherwise.]

Told you.

[Still, Shinji is shameful enough to look at her mouth, and then down in between them, where he's resting his hand on the bench. He thinks about how easy it would be, if he were anyone else, to hold her hand. It's less involved than kissing, that's for sure. She simply deserves so much better than the sweaty palm of one Ikari Shinji.]

Do you... know how to play any instruments?

Edited 2016-04-18 15:00 (UTC)

No.

[It would be more apt to say she'd tried brief stints-- nothing like musicality for a prodigy-- only to get frustrated and quit. Academics, athletics, piloting were all easier. There were set, decisive standards to achieve. But music is more than the right notes. It's the right feel. The right touch.]

[He'd never played anything other than that SDAT that she'd seen at Misato's, but that doesn't mean much. For all she's hung onto their time together there, it wasn't long, not really. Asuka watches the movement of his eyes and decisively grabs his hand, before she can possibly talk herself out of it. He should be more of a man than this. He shouldn't let her make all the first moves.]

Do you?

[Making the first move is stressful. Not as stressful as piloting, but it's one of the worst things Shinji has faced when off of the battlefield. Even like this, his pulse is elevated. There's sweat on the back of his neck, which his hair is busy sticking to. (Gross.) He looks away, embarrassed, and his fingers stay limp like uncooked noodles. It's another long pause before he even tries to fit their fingers together.]

Yeah, but I'm not all that great... [Compared to his teacher, anyway. He clarifies:] Piano. That's what I can play. I was interested in the cello when I was younger, but it didn't work out. Too expensive. More than a hundred thousand yen, if you can believe that. [... Asuka probably doesn't care about this crap. His smile is grim.]

Edited 2016-04-19 16:10 (UTC)

Pianos are more expensive than that. [Easier to get hold of, though, or at least by comparison. Lots of burnt-out churches. Or so she assumes. Asuka feels like she sees the surface-- saw the surface-- less than she does. Did. It's hard sometimes to keep in mind that her time in WILLE's before her now.]

[He's sweating. She can smell it.]

You should play for me sometime. [Shinji's always modest and cringing about his abilities, so she's really not sure what to expect out of him. It has to be better than Chopsticks, though. She squeezes his hand.] They've got to have something similar here. I want to hear it.

I was just borrowing the piano from my teacher. [Come to think of it, Shinji has no idea where Kaworu even got that piano. It seemed to be in pristine condition... (Just thinking about their lessons together makes Shinji's throat tighten with emotion. Everything was so screwed up, but those days were a lot simpler, in a way. He had a clearly defined goal and he could work towards it.)

Anyway, Asuka's hand is kind of an intimidating thing to hold on to. It doesn't feel like it could crack an inches-thick wall of glass. He's extra careful when he circles his thumb over her skin.]

I haven't practiced in a while. It might be a disaster. [Mostly a lame excuse. He's more so shy than anything else, even though he was expecting her to want a listen.] You know, I've been needing more things to do with my time here. Maybe I'll try to compose something.

[Asuka nods. When he traces her thumb, it's as if he's petting a small animal, too careful, too gentle. She doesn't deserve that kind of care. She's stronger than that-- but that doesn't mean she doesn't enjoy it. Everything she wants is so pathetically simple and contrary all at once.]

If it's a disaster, I'll tell you. Just don't make it too sad. [That's a stupid request. She closes her eyes briefly.] I'm tired of that.

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