004 ↯ audio

[feathery]

Who: Davesprite and whoever.
Broadcast: Fleetwide
Action: Indoors, moonside.
When: Now sounds good.

[Someone is done to death with masks and getting accosted by randos on the street. Thus, Davesprite has taken refuge indoors, since that's as good as it gets short of returning to the ships. He'd normally opt for text, but he honestly just wants to talk for a while. Even if his voice is equal parts bored and sullen.]

Sportball ambushes on the street are great and all, [it probably isn't possible for him to sound more sarcastic] but I got to ponder the selection happening in this contaminated stain on the face of space. Like, sure, there are "strategy games" [yes, those are actual, audible air quotes], but where my real battles at. You know, the wordplay variety, where you drop a witticism to a sick beat and slant it to rhyme. Twist that shit into ill verse and cause some deadly delirium not even the most decorated doctor could cure. Dude could be veteran to World War Disease and still find himself stymied by this nasty flow that makes even the gutsiest guerilla fold. Ain't a medic around who can mend my rap battle burns.

[A beat.]

So, yeah, maybe I'm only pissed about moon pollution central 'cause all these hostile idiots keep hailing me out of the blue and yet: not a single fuckin' rap battle. [This is definitely not the only reason he's pissed about moon pollution central, but priorities.] What's a guy got to do, besides deck himself out in a shitty respirator and biohazard costume. A live performance? God, this is stupid.

Comments

[frigidaire]

[ this guy is so embarrassing. ]

I don't know you. Who are you? Sorry, got the wrong guy.

[feathery]

You could remedy this whole situation by rapping with me, you filthy philistine. You don't even have to make it up, I got a book you can use for reference.

[frigidaire]

What did you call me? A filthy what? I'm not rapping. Book or not.

[feathery]

Come on, dude. I know you're at least as bored and as sick of this goddamn moon unit as me.

[frigidaire]

Pretty sick of it. You're really gonna make me rap aren't you.

[feathery]

I don't see you doing anything else.

[He says from like the other side of the room or something, lbr.]

[frigidaire]

[ Isaac is just going to ignore him, across the room or not. ]

I like big butts and I cannot lie.
You other brothers can't deny -- I don't know the rest. There.

[ in this, please read: i hate you. ]

[feathery]

That doesn't even count. There were like two rhymes in that.

[In this, please read: long suffering indignation.]

Come on, I know you know all the words to the Taco Bell rap.

[frigidaire]

Rob the taco planet and ask ‘em for a refill.
Hey this is... ILizzle
Listen up all y'all,
I'm winning tacos just because of this gumball.

[ Now he's gonna give you a look Bird Man, because gumballs. Who cares about secret locked up cargo, no big deal... ]

I put chalupas where my mouth is.
So watch this.
Because I'm the dopest werewolf that you've ever messed with.

[ no. Isaac is fine, the mun is having an existential crisis. nbd. ]

[feathery]

[Davesprite flips Isaac off at the gumball part.]

Was that so fucking hard. I'm not asking for Tupac here. The next step is an actual rap battle, fyi.

[frigidaire]

That was stupid. I'm not doing a rap battle with you. You have enough raps to battle yourself. You don't need me for that.

[feathery]

Are you even listening to yourself right now. I can't rap battle myself. Not without invoking some dumbass time travel clause and no way is that happening.

[frigidaire]

So you can time travel. That's a super power, you know.

[feathery]

Uh. Has this seriously never come up before.

[frigidaire]

Maybe? I don't know. I don't take you seriously when you say stuff like that. You weren't kidding though? Time travel?

[feathery]

I'm retired.

[He doesn't even bother using the communicators for that, just calls it to Isaac from where he's slouched on a bench.]

[frigidaire]

Are you retired from rapping, too? That'd be nice.

[ No, really. Isaac is still talking into the communicator, on the bench most likely beside the one Davesprite is on. Classy af. ]

[feathery]

If you're still talking to that thing, you're talking to no one. I'm done with the back and forth network shit.

[Davesprite starts going through the candy he grabbed at a shop earlier instead, eyeing the supposed ingredients label suspiciously.]

[frigidaire]

I'm leaving you voicemails.

[ Which may or may not be true. Who knows? Maybe it's just egregious selfies instead. But then he notices the candy. ]

You're not sharing that? Dude, you have to.

[feathery]

[One day, Davesprite is going to take all of the random ass pics he has somehow ended up with of Isaac (how? did this happen???) and paste the dumbass werewolf's head into a shittily drawn comic.

He looks up, folding the wrapper back into his hand.]

Who says.

[Even if he's going to share, he has to put up some token resistance first.]

[frigidaire]

[ Who knows how art time with Isaac will go, but he'd probably be amused at the very least. ]

I say. I have friend privileges. Done.

[ He holds out his hand expectantly. ]

[feathery]

[Davesprite has a moment where he wishes he could dump a handful of that one restaurant's weird living cheese into Isaac's palm, only that would mean actually having that nasty shit on his person and also touching it. Yech.

He sighs, snaps the bar in half, and slaps the unwrapped part into Isaac's hand.]

Happy now? Don't ask me what's in it; I can't read this shit.

[frigidaire]

Why would you eat it if you can't read it? You could be eating alien bug eggs you know.

[ Well, it's true. But Isaac examines the bar all the same -- it looks enough like candy and smells good. ]

It could be poison. Like those, uh, berries or whatever. They look delicious but that's why their poisonous. They trick you or something.

[feathery]

Dude, I bought it at a fucking store. This isn't Charlie and the Chocolate Factory.

[He gives Isaac a look, before his attention drops back to the candy bar in his hand.]

Anyway, the important thing is it doesn't look like alien bug eggs and it's not moving. The not moving part is especially important. [He makes a face, inevitably thinking of the pizza from earlier.] Ugh.

[frigidaire]

Yeah well that pizza place was a store, too.

[ He's scarred for life when it comes to that pizza. He even squirms in his spot on the bench even thinking about it. ]

If I die from this I'm blaming you. [ He takes a bite of the bar, and when it doesn't turn out awful? He takes another. ]

I can't believe you weren't going to share.