driftfleet | And We Danced (Masquerade Overflow!)

Gwah?

[It isn't a squeak, and not quite a splutter, but an intersection between shock and drop-dead embarrassment. Kissing in enclosed spaces is completely different from doing something out in public. When Shinji was a little boy--honestly, public displays of affection still gross him out, for the most part. Especially when it's the people who are shameless enough to make out in movie theaters and stuff. No one wants to listen to giggling and face-sucking when they're trying to watch a movie. At least a hasty kiss on the dance floor isn't at that level.

His face is so red and flooded with feelings; he ends up hiding it against Asuka's neck and shoulder, not wanting anyone to see him. His breath is warm and quickened, if noticeably uneven. There's a hint of humidity. He's no less holding tightly on to her, swaying with her, so he isn't running away, but...

Muffled, he says,] You could've warned me first...!

[He's embarrassed, which, instead of egging her on, only embarrasses her further. God, they must look like such a pair of kids out here on the dance floor, the fact that they're not yet stomping on each others' toes their only saving grace. But at least he's not letting go of her. At least he's not fleeing like an elementary schooler afraid of cooties.]

If I'd warned you, you would have backed out. I didn't want to kiss you on the nose.

[The song's about to end. There might be time for one more kiss, in fact, but instead, she pulls him in tighter, more like she's claiming him than hiding him. Quieter, she says--] Nobody saw, stupid. Don't worry.

[Drawn in close, Shinji does squeak this time, for real, surprised and then mollified. So few people want to be this close to him. Still, he's worried that someone is watching them--Kaworu is always watching him--but he isn't going to point that out. Asuka would lose her mind if she knew about... god, this is what he gets for clinging to them both...]

You--must have really liked the yukata.

[She's genuinely fawning over him. It's a weird thing to realize, but he can't complain. He won't. If anything, he likes how much she's supporting him from the waist up. The end of the song feels more comfortable and weightless because of it.]

[Of course Kaworu's probably watching, but for once Asuka is still in good enough spirits not to think about him too much. She's more concerned with how nice it feels to just be holding Shinji. It's not just the yukata. He knows that. It's asking her out, making it for her (no one's ever made her anything before), dancing with her. Making her feel worth liking. Twelve years later and she's still so hungry for that, so grateful for that.]

It's not just the yukata I like.

[... Shinji can't tell if right now is the best or the worst time to bring up Kaworu. At first, he thought Asuka was just angry about having to share him with Kaworu, but there's something else going on. Something a little more dire than that. She's been giving Kaworu these ugly yet inscrutable looks all night.

He doesn't want to give Asuka a reason to stop smiling.]

Is that a confession? [he asks, then, nuzzling into her hair.] You know, you never did confess to me properly... [Like in a shoujo anime, or those sappy daytime dramas about growing up. Dramatic, tearful explosions behind the school. Sakura petals swirling everywhere. That kind of stuff.]

You're greedy enough as it is. [Her face drops into a mostly put-on pout. Mostly. Opening herself up like one of those stupid soap opera actresses would be dire. It would give him more power than he'd ever deserve over her, and worse, she'd be ashamed of herself immediately afterwards. Even I like you is too much to admit. I want you is better. Less damaging.]

[But she can't hold that pout long while he's nuzzling against her, making her think warm, idiotic things. Shinji means too much to her, more to her than she means to him, but in short bursts, that's okay. That's almost just fine. Now that the song's over, she's still standing there, unsure if she should ask him for a second dance or just lead him back to his preferred snack table.] Always making me do all the work.

[It takes Shinji a little too long to realize that the song has ended. There's a natural lull where the band is preparing for the next one; other people are milling around; he can hear the shuffling, laughing, distant conversations. It takes him a little longer to realize that he's without any amount of personal space. Suddenly, he feels very weird, very vulnerable, like he's woken up in the middle of sleepwalking. Is this the kind of person he is now? Someone willing to be touched without cringing? Without trying to pull away? More than that, Asuka is right about him: he's being greedy. He's sponging up her attention when he hasn't done anything to deserve it.

His meandering thoughts can be condensed down into,] I like you, too, [and he says as much against her shoulder.] M'sorry for all the crap I've put you through...

Edited 2016-05-18 20:52 (UTC)

[Asuka wasn't expecting an apology any more than she was expecting a confession. The combination leaves her at a loss. It's just not fair, how easy it is for him to stir her up, make her feel things she thought she'd given up on. Make her feel really, humiliatingly young and actually enjoy it.]

[If he's being greedy, and Asuka's sure he is, then she's being insatiable, for all that she could take that single I like you to the grave right along with her rag doll. She reaches around as if she's going to play with his hair only to tug a small handful of it instead.]

Don't be sorry, stupid. Just don't leave me for another fourteen years.

That's... [Shinji lifts his head up, then tilts and turns it inward. Their brows are touching. It wouldn't take more than a shiver for them to kiss again.] That's something I wanted to talk to you about, [he says, his voice surprisingly firm.] If I disappear, you have to know it wasn't my choice. And if I do disappear, I will find my way back to you. I'll turn the stupid multiverse inside out to find you again. Okay?

[The same can be said for Kaworu-kun, but he only has eyes (blue, warm, and watery) for Asuka right now.]

Edited 2016-05-19 14:42 (UTC)

Shinji...

[Her knees feel wobbly. He's just so close. So terribly close. Don't say those things, she wants to say, while begging for more. Don't make me hope. Don't ever say you'll go away again. But she can't utter a word. He's promising her more than she ever deserved. He'll find her. He'll find her. Something in her chest feels as if it's near to bursting, her left eye almost smoldering with heat as she closes the last distance between them, kissing him hard on the mouth. That's her own promise to him.]

You won't go so easily. This time, I'll find you first. I swear.

[Shinji has never really known a kiss for its passion. It catches him off-guard--he's expecting sweetness, while she's a conflagration--and leaves him a little slack-jawed. His face is dark red. His lips might be bruised. More than anything, he feels like he should get something cold to drink... or a freaking cold shower. He's very, very aware of the space (or the lack thereof) between their bodies.

He starts with a stutter, but he says,] You did find me first. That was you. [The only reason he left Unit-13's entry plug is because she dragged him out of it.] So it's my turn to, uhm... It's my responsibility. I'll find you. One way or another.

Okay.

[She doesn't want to let go, even though he's beet-red and stuttering. Maybe because he is. It serves him right for making her feel vulnerable and worth wanting. Another kiss and he'll probably melt right in front of her.]

Let's sit down. Come on. [And she's withdrawing everything but their clasped hands to lead him there.]

[On the way over to an empty pair of seats, Shinji berates himself mercilessly for saying all of that gooey stuff. Asuka kissed him, yeah, but he could have handled it a lot better. He could have been cool and suave instead of floundering lamely.

They sit down side by side, hands linked, and his cheeks are still too warm. He looks down at his lap. He looks out at the dance floor--the next song is more upbeat than that last one--and then up at the glowing display on the ceiling. In other words, he's looking anywhere but at Asuka.]

... There's something else I wanted to talk to you about.

[A quiet voice. Cryptic, too.]

What?

[He's avoiding her gaze, and for once, she isn't trying her absolute hardest to force him to look at her. Just quick, wary glances that leave her feeling like she ought to have something to occupy her hands with, distract herself as she wonders what he's going to tell her. Wonders if she could successfully fake surprise if he admitted what he was. No. He wouldn't tell her something that shattering at a dance, and probably not at all. Shinji keeps everything in until he bursts, while she explodes on a daily basis.]

[She keeps holding onto his hand even as she looks away, though. There's comfort there.]

Go ahead.

[Shinji isn't avoiding her gaze so much as he's scanning everyone else. He's looking for people who might be able to overhear them... but the party-goers seem lost in their own glitzy world. His fingers tighten around hers, then.]

We've been here for... three months, by my count. And I still don't know if this Atroma thing is real or just a front for something else. It... [He licks his lips nervously, then turns to face Asuka.] It doesn't matter. Even if they're bad people, I'd be pretty screwed without Atroma. So that's why... these other people, they seem to hate Atroma, so if they... if they try to fight Atroma, I won't be supporting them.

[He has no idea how likely a rebellion is to occur, but he's heard some rumblings off and on. Like distant thunder.]

I want to protect what I have here.

[Asuka's silent for a few seconds, and then she nods slowly. Sure, she's heard everyone else's discontent. She's never been thrilled with being under anyone's unseen thumb, but that's all she's known anyway. At least so far, Atroma's downright harmless in comparison to NERV and SEELE.]

I thought about it a lot to start with. [Her voice is quieter now than usual.] I thought we weren't just getting used for television. But if we are...

[Her thumb traces the back of his hand.]

I'd rather be here anyway. I don't want to go back.

[Atroma really is harmless compared to NERV. No one is forcing Shinji to do anything, other than being on this stupid ship and their stupid show. Even if he were alone (god forbid), he'd be a lot better off here than he would be back home. He doesn't have to pilot Eva. He doesn't have to hurt people or watch them die because of him. Here, he's just another face in the crowd, no more important than anyone else. Destiny has never felt farther away.

Now he's looking down at their hands. A smile, a hint of one, sneaks onto his face.]

We should be fine if we try to keep to ourselves. As long as we don't get on Atroma's bad side... [If some sort of mutiny breaks out... well, he doesn't want to think about that right now.

More importantly:]

By the way, that was really scary, what you did. I thought you were going to eat my face off.

[Asuka doesn't think there's a way to get on Atroma's bad side, short of participating in a mutinous conspiracy. If it's really all about the ratings, they've probably done a decent enough job of keeping Atroma satisfied. If not... well, after all these months, Asuka hasn't seen a smidgen of ulterior motives from Atroma yet. She purses her lips, only interrupted in her thought by his comment, one that prompts her to elbow him immediately.]

Oh, shut up! You just can't deal with a little-- [A little what? Passion?] getting rough!

[If Atroma does have ulterior motives... Shinji doesn't care what they are, as long as they don't plan on using him to hurt other people. Maybe he also wouldn't like it if they were preparing to cook him and serve him to alien gourmands. But other than that, it's whatever to him. He can keep his head down and stay out of trouble.

Oof. He takes his hand away to rub at the spot she elbowed.]

You're stronger than you look, you know...

[But something about his smile proves that he likes it. He might want some more "roughness."]

Edited 2016-06-03 03:34 (UTC)

You like it.

[It's actually a playful accusation. Mostly. Shinji has to be some kind of masochist to let himself be with h-- be around her, after all. She'd feel sorry for him if he didn't get himself into situations that incite her wrath.]

If you're scared, I won't do it again. [It's a really weak threat, as those go.] But if you can get a little nerve...

And We Danced (Masquerade Overflow!)

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