driftfleet | (no subject)

You can thank all that spare time I've had lately to work on it. I wouldn't exactly call it a perk, but at least there's been a small trade-off for having to stay on the ship.

[He's not going to bring up the specific reason - the moon is still a sour subject, and he'd honestly prefer not to think about it.]

I'm glad you decided to make it, though. Even if it's meaningless to everyone else, it feels right, now that it's here.

[Yeah, that topic's a little sore, even after their talk. Best to give it a wide berth.]

I like to think that somehow, Lailah and the others can still sense my feelings even though we're so far away. The connection's still there after all, it's just...strange.

I come here every day to pray an let them know we're okay here. I know everyone says that no time is passing back home, but that's just something I don't think I can properly understand. Just in case they're missing us, I want them to know we're all right.

[Mikleo glances sidelong at Sorey for a moment, his expression thoughtful, until finally he allows a little smile.]

I'm sure they can feel it. And no doubt they worry less than they would if I hadn't been brought here, as well. At least this way you've got someone around to keep an eye on you.

[You know, disregarding the fact that he'd have been the biggest wreck out of all of them if Sorey up and disappeared without him.]

[mikleo's shooting for teasing but the best comeback of all is to be sincere as all get-out and sorey knows this instinctively]

It might be in poor taste, but I am really grateful you're here with me, [Sorey says, hands on his knees, watching the flame on the candle sputter as the wax rolls down the sides.] I think I would probably be a wreck if I was here without you and Dezel. I'd definitely be much more afraid.

[....

dammit, goddammit Sorey, how is he supposed to tease you after that

As it often happens, that sincerity is as maddening as it is effective, and Mikleo's expression sobers immediately.]

You'd be better off if she was here. We all would.

[For all of Lailah's whimsical behaviour, she - along with Edna and to a lesser extent, Zaveid - was much, much older and more worldly than they were. Her calm and gentle direction had been irreplaceable and had kept them both in check for the entire journey. She knew all the rules the Shepherd had to follow, how to work around them without abusing the power they'd been granted through her pact. Without her, Mikleo's trying to follow what she and Gramps might have said or done in order to support Sorey, but it's a role for which he feels ill-equipped. It's far too easy to just fall back on how they usually are together.

It was fine when they were just Sorey and Mikleo, but it doesn't seem right for a Shepherd to be without the guidance of a Prime Lord.]

We all would, [Sorey agrees easily, because he's definitely on board with Mikleo in regards to that but not at the cost of trading him off. If Mikleo wasn't here, he might have someone to talk to about Sheparding business, but he wouldn't have his home.] But I don't want to pray for her to come here or anything like that. Since it would just be better if we could go back home.

...No, you're right, I wouldn't wish for that. I guess it's just wishful thinking- the others were so much more knowledgeable about the world.

[They'd all had countless centuries, to grow in both power and understanding. They'd experienced the world in so many different ways, knew about oaths and secrets he can only dream about knowing. And here Sorey has only the two youngest of the seraphim to depend on, in a situation that goes beyond anything they've ever seen before. Malevolence works differently, there are no hellions to quell, they can't even dwell in him as a vessel properly.

What if they screw up?]

Mikleo... [Sorey leans forward to get a closer look at Mikleo's face. Is he burdening him with his feelings again? He really needs to quit that, Mikleo's got enough on his mind.] I don't think even Lailah would be any more knowledgeable about- about all of this than we are. This stuff is crazy. Going into the heavens, flying around on big round metal ships? That's definitely not in any of the history books.

[Mikleo fidgets slightly and coughs into a fist, uncomfortable with the scrutiny. He doesn't need Sorey fussing over him just because he's insecure about this or that.]

I know, I know. And it's not like she could answer many of the questions I'd really like to ask her, either. Even so.

[It's very much a situation of the blind leading the blind here. In Dezel's case, rather literally, but somehow Mikleo feels more inept at it without Lailah's support.]

[Questions he'd like to ask, huh? Well. ...well, Dezel had said that it wasn't necessary for him to understand. Sorey knows that it's not necessary for him to understand (no matter how badly Mikleo needs someone who does), so long as he asks and listens to Mikleo's troubles.]

What kind of things do you wanna ask her? [draws his knee up and rests his cheek on it]

[Mikleo honestly hadn't been prepared to offer specifics, so he takes a moment to consider the question. He doesn't like the idea of appearing as clueless about the whole situation as he often feels, but he'd learned most of the Shepherd mythology alongside Sorey. That part's not so bad. The rest, however...]

Well... besides the obvious questions I'd ask if she wasn't restricted by her oath-- about Maotelus, the Age of Chaos, previous Shepherds, and how they're all connected...

[He frowns, his gaze drifting back to the shrine. It looks quite pretty, and they'd poured hours into making sure it was detailed, accurate, and suitable for seraphim and humans alike. Something to be proud of.

So why does he still feel so unaware of so much?]

Sorey... you're human. But there's a lot you didn't know about human culture before we left Elysia. The only reason I know as much as I do is because Gramps taught me what I'd need to know to help you, when you left.

[He wonders if he should feel disconcerted by that- that it was assumed even that far back that he'd go with Sorey, that it was his responsibility to carry that knowledge himself, when it would have been fair to teach them both at the same time. It doesn't bother him (and it was a reasonable assumption, anyway), but it's still weird to think about. Like he wasn't given an option to choose the thing he knows he'd have chosen.]

Sometimes I feel like I know more about humans than I know about myself- about seraphim. There's so much that Gramps didn't teach me. Maybe he thought he'd have the time to do it later, but what if that knowledge became important on our journey?

Lailah and the others... whenever I had questions, they'd answer them if they were able.

And now you have the time to think about those questions, but there's nobody here to answer. [It makes sense. Ever since leaving Elysia, it feels like they've barely had a moment to breathe before rushing off to handle the next crisis. Part of that is his own fault, he knows. He just can't stand the idea of sitting idly around while there are people suffering, no matter how many times Lailah tells him that he must remain true to himself. He's still not entirely sure what that means, but he knows it means giving yourself time to think and enjoy your life.

It just...doesn't seem that possible here.

Mikleo must be feeling the same way. Too much time idle, too many problems they can't rush over to fix. It feels a bit like sticking their heads in the sand, however unwillingly, and allowing malevolence to fester below their very noses. Sorey gets why Allen was so cautious now. Living like this, allowing these things to happen and changing nothing? If he had Lailah with him, he might fight a little harder to help too.

But now they're left with just time to think, and whatever worries and cares Mikleo's been carrying with him have come back to the forefront with the lack of distractions. The poisoning of the moon plays into that, dredges up a nature Mikleo never really got to know because he was too busy being with Sorey, adapting his lifestyle to make Sorey more comfortable, just like everyone else in the village. Sorey knows it was because he was so loved, so cherished, that they all went to so much trouble, but still sometimes he wishes they hadn't. Sometimes he wishes Gramps had just let Mikleo be what he is, instead of-

Sorey shakes his head. It's not good to dwell on thoughts like that.]

I guess...you'll just have to make sure to remember them. And as soon as we can get back, you can harass Lailah with questions for as long as you like.

Won't we have enough to worry about at that point? Our list of things to do is full as it is.

[It's a bit of a catch-22, really- going back means he'll have access to the seraphim who can answer more of his questions, but it also means they'll go back to being busy, rushing around trying to save the world, and he won't have as much free time to worry about what he doesn't know. Or the need to worry, either- why would anyone have to turn to him for answers when Lailah is right there? It's not even a thought borne of bitterness, it's just logical. If you want to read about history, you don't consult a geography text.]

It's not as if it's anything urgent. I just wish I knew these things here and now, when it's only me and Dezel around.

But it's important to you, that you know, right? [Sorey adjusts so he's sitting cross-legged instead of kneeling, because his foot was definitely falling asleep.] That can still count as urgent. Lailah pounded it into our heads about being true to ourselves, after all.

Hah... well, it's not like we don't have a lot of time to spare while a certain someone and his squire are sleeping.

[He gives Sorey a little nudge with his elbow. Six to eight hours a night is plenty of time for asking all the important questions, and surely Lailah would indulge him with what she can answer.]

Ah...yeah. Sorry, you guys must get awful bored with us sometimes. [Not that Sorey's beating himself up over it too much. Humans are humans, and humans have to sleep.] Still, you must know each other pretty well by now, huh? Even better than I know them.

Remember who we're talking about, here.

[Sorey's had to deal with them in his head for a while now, he's heard enough of their bickering and teasing. Not that he doesn't love them all in one way or another, but geez.]

Sometimes we stayed up and talked, sometimes we slept. But night is also the only time we can give each other some space, so we spent a lot of time doing our own thing.

[For him- training, mostly. Preferably where the others wouldn't catch him. He knows he's still worlds behind when it comes to experience, and bridging the gap can mean the difference of life or death in battle with hellions. He's as determined as ever not to be a liability to anyone, and the hanger of the Huntress has seen its share of seraphic artes while he keeps up the habit here.]

That's. True. [trying to imagine edna and mikleo getting along for six minutes is impossible, let alone six hours] Let me guess: you went out training, right?

[Got it in one.]

...Yes, but I can't give you any credit for something so obvious.

[He's pretty sure Sorey's noticed here and there, and it became more apparent after he'd used Spectral Cloak the first time.]

Did I ever tell you that I could tell? When you came back from training. I felt it, a little. [He hadn't known it for what it was until Mikleo revealed that he could use a new technique, but Sorey had still felt it.]

You didn't.

[Mikleo glances sidelong at Sorey, shifting slightly on his knees, fingers clenching in the fabric of his pants. He'd wondered often if his progress had been noticeable, if it had made any difference - even he himself wasn't sure sometimes, even though their survival had proven to be dependent on it on a few occasions - but to hear it said aloud is...]

...You did?

[He hadn't meant that to come out as hopeful as it sounds.]

Mm. [Sorey nods and rests his cheek on a drawn up knee.] I didn't know what it was at first, but I could tell. All of you feel different, and I could tell if you were tired, or hurt, or if your power felt weaker or stronger. You were definitely getting stronger.

[Mikleo closes his eyes for a few seconds, quietly exhaling as his shoulders relax. It's just for a moment - he's stubborn about not letting things bother him, stubborn about appearing weak when he's been trying so hard to get stronger - but it's there. There's a weight slipping off his shoulders, and after a moment he lets himself smile.]

Well... good, then. That means it wasn't pointless.

[If he'd worked that hard for that long and accomplished nothing, how pathetic would that have been? This... this is much better. If it pushes them even a little bit closer to success, it's worth every ounce of effort.]

You really were very worried about it, huh. [Sorey knew that Mikleo was determined to get stronger, but he didn't know it weighed so heavily on him. Acquiring new skills was kind of their hobby growing up but this is different.] But you're already so strong, Mikleo. You've always been the stronger of the both of us, anyway.

We had different strengths back then, and things have changed. After we became Shepherd and sub lord, we both had to step up our game.

[There's a lot more riding on them now than when it was just about competing over who would do what chore, or who got to keep a cool artifact they found while exploring.]

The others had years and years to learn their techniques and build their strength. And it's the duty of a sub lord to support you and Lailah. I wasn't going to be the one to slow us down.

[He's not going to admit it, but it was a lot of pressure, though most of it was self-inflicted.]