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(no subject)

Who: Loki
Broadcast: Fleetwide
Action: On the moon initially, but he'll be back to the Paisley soon, and probably on the Iskaulit
When: June 5 (ends June 12)

Video

[Video starts with... that sure is Loki. But there's something subtly weird about his expression. There's nothing guarded or calculated about it, a slight relaxation of ever-present tension that was never apparent before, perhaps. The best poker face in all Nine Realms is nowhere to be seen. If anything, he looks upset. Confused, worried, a bit scared. And he's out in the forest on the toxic moon, which is just great, let him tell you. No mask, but he's never needed one before, not that he's aware of that, or of the fact that most people have to wear them.]

Hello? Yes, this seems to be working. What a curious device. [Anyway. The point.]

I seem to be lost. Very lost. Where is this?

[A view of the forest, brief but steady.]

And--[Careful breath.]--who am I?

Action

[Lucky Loki, his augment has glitched and while he remembers how to do things--and the occasional esoteric fact--he has no idea who he is. Good news--or bad news depending on your opinion of his usual space asshole personality--he'll get over it in about a week.

Even if no one comes find him, he'll make his way back to civilization eventually and be very confused about life and where he's even supposed to be. Good thing he's practically indestructible. But eventually, he will be around on the Paisley, and on the Iskaulit, poking about.]

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

I am compromised? [Okay what? When did this happen? What did he do?]

None if what you have said makes the slightest sense to me.

[ Leto's lips twitch. ]

My apologies. Let me make it clearer. You are in a relationship with a woman named Rogue. While we have confessed our feelings to each other, you are in love with her. You want to be with her.

[ As it should be. Leto's not anyone's first choice. ]

[He rubs his forehead with one hand.] So I am Loki.

[So much for talk off other names and the like, though perhaps he'd already destroyed that himself by saying that he wanted some of what he'd already had. And it sounds like he really does need to just... Figure out how to be Loki without knowing anything, because... This is really complicated. And feels unfairly abstract since he only knows the name you which Leto is referring and nothing else.

As opposed to Leto, of whom he knows the taste and scent.

Yes, this is very confusing.]

. . .

I have brought you grief in a time when you should have joy. I'm sorry. I'm not -- good to you.

[Dryly:] Confusion, yes. Grief seems rather too dramatic a word for my current state.

Either way, I am more nuisance than help.

[ Still he promised. Leto doesn't go back on his word. So he doesn't move, though he keeps his eyes fixed on the ground. ] I'm sorry.

Nay. You have been most helpful, and kind. I begin to think I have not asked the right questions, perhaps.

['Who am I?' Is not useful. 'Who is Loki?' And 'How do I be him?' Seems necessary. It had been a nice thought, to contemplate naming himself to something that felt right, but it also feels foolish, when everyone clearly knows who he is and expects him to still be that.

It's not fair, but he's already figured out that basically nothing is.]

Perhaps. It is hard to know the right ones when we have little to go on.

[ Softly. ] I enjoy you as you are, Quaestio.

It seems there's rather a lot, actually. [Lovers and who knows what else.]

[He has to close his eyes for a moment. He'd liked the thought of having a different name and being a person in his own right rather than a temporary inconvenience. Good thing he hasn't become too attached to it, however.] And for this I thank you, but it seems I must be Loki if I do not wish to destroy the person whose body and life I wear like ill fitting clothes.

[ Leto hesitates. ]

No. If that's not what you want, then I will not stop you. It's not fair to hold you to that. I only sought to let you know the possibilities involved.

I cannot unknow this. You care much for this Loki and wish to not harm him, and it would be... Cruel of me to put you in such a position. It is unfair, but it would be likewise unfair for me to set about hurting someone I shall never meet because I am bitter about my lot. I doubt he asked for this either.

[He steps away, carefully.] Better that I keep to myself and and not do further harm unknowing.

[No matter what he wants. But it's an equation. He is a temporary aberration. It is tempting to say to hell with Loki, but what would that accomplish? At best a bit of revenge on someone who has never wronged him. He knows little of who he is, but he decides now that he does not want to be that. It would be a terrible way to repay the kindness that has been shown to him.

It would be different, if he thought he had a chance of surviving this and continuing to exist as a person, self made by the knowledge he has a acquired. But everyone he's spoken to has been clear that his days are already severely numbered. It seems pointlessly destructive to act as if he has any chance of continuing.]

[ Leto's hand twitches as if to reach out to him but it stays there. You fool, the voice hisses back to him, you forgot your own rules. Never to interfere, never to love. Look at what you have wrought.

The selfish choice has returned with its consequences.

What could he say? Which timeline should he choose? He's never done this to someone. Never hurt them in their very self. If Loki came back, would he ever forgive Leto?

Unlikely, time tells him. The pathways close upon him.

And so he weeps. Water for the dead. Water for a poor innocent Quaestio. Water for a bitter, damaged Loki. Water for Leto's love that has been twisted and turned upon himself.

Bi-la kaifa. ]

[He smells the tears before he sees them, and wonders if that is something other people can do, or another thing unique to him. But he cannot walk away now, not like this. Even if he should. He has no idea what to do, though. Would staying be another sort of cruelty? He certainly didn't want to hurt anyone. He doesn't find it pleasant.

Hesitantly, he reaches out to take Leto's hand. That seems like a start.] I did not intend to hurt you.

Edited 2016-06-13 00:24 (UTC)

I know.

[ But his love feels fractured. He should have known better. He did know better. ]

It is not your fault, but mine.

[What has he but questions, at this point.]

Why?

[But he's keeping a very firm grip on Leto's hand.]

[ He places his hand on top of Loki's, gentle. ]

I put your heart on the line for mine. That is not what I wanted for you.

[That doesn't sound accurate to what he recalls.]

I asked for it.

You are still learning. Are you sure of what you have asked for?

I am certain of nothing. But I will never be certain if I do not ask and explore what I may.

[ Yes. The blame doesn't lie on him, but he is afraid. Time is dangerous. Leto is dangerous. It only would take a little for his resolve to shatter, and all his sacrifices would turn to dust.

But more than that, he doesn't want to wake up in a few days and have Loki's love turn to hate.

So he kisses Loki's knuckles. If it is an end, it is an end he has chosen. ]

So be it.

[That makes him smile, since it feels nice, even if he's still very uncertain about everything.]

What will you, then?

[Since he's still very aware of what started this, Leto's concerns about the real Loki and himself.]

I will be fine. I always am.

[He reaches up with his other hand to trace the track of moisture left by one of those tears on Leto's cheek.] That does not seem to fit the definition I know for fine.

[ He shakes his head lightly. ]

I will be. I am immutable.

[He tries to wipe the last traces of that moisture away with his thumb.]

I don't think you are as immutable as you believe.

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