driftfleet | Tourist ROAD TRIP (mingle)

It causes me pain on occasion, and I have strange, unsettling dreams. [Memories. He knows they are probably memories. ] The process made me lose my memories of my life before it. Sometimes I have flashes, but that is all.

[He shrugs, the lyrium fading back to white again. ]

But no, I do not show the signs of those who usually die from lyrium poisoning. I do not know why, or if it will remain so for the rest of my days or not.

[He's always just sort of accepted that one day, it might catch up with him and kill him. He doesn't much mind. At least he would die free.]

Well, I hope you stay safe.

So, you were in battle.

[That gets a brief flicker of a smile. ] Thank you.

Hm. The Qunari had the advantage, and the party had to leave. The escape ship did not have enough room for a slave, though, and Danarius was force to leave me behind. He was enraged, but injured, he had to go.

[What Fenris doesn't admit is how terrified he was when that happened. This part of the story is left for people like Koala. Slaves themselves, people who understand the mentality that is forced upon them, what it turns them into. ]

I was injured too, but was found by a band of Fog Warriors, a fraction of Qunari who do not follow the doctrines of their people. They patched me up, taught me what it meant to be free...or at least the beginnings of it. I was content there, until Danarius came to collect me.

[ she's getting a little irritated on Fenris' behalf. you can't just come and claim someone after making everyone else deal with their care ]

Oh, sure, show up after all of the hard taking-care-of-you work is done. Tell me you didn't go with him.

[Danarius was the biigest dickbag going, this is a lesson for her in that. ]

I-

When he arrived, I thought it was inevitable. I had learned the beginnings of freedom, but learning to see yourself as something other than property takes a long time. When he came back, the Fog Warriors refused to let him take me, they were prepared to give their lives for mine.

...So he ordered me to kill them. And I did. Every last one of them.

[His fingers twitch, his brow furrows. He's angry at himself, for failing them for being a dog on a leash one last time.]

After that I just- couldn't. I saw their bodies, and I ran.

[ she's surprised, and upset. she didn't really expect it to go that direction, but she knows about Stockholm Syndrome—this has to be related, right? she really doesn't want to make this about her, though. she didn't live through it. so, she'll reach an arm out across the table and attempt to lay a hand gently over his. She'll retract if he reacts strongly, but she wants to try to be comforting, waiting to hear more ]

[He tenses a little, but allows the touch, it's not much to most people, but to Fenris, it means a lot. Allowing anyone to touch him is a mark of trust, not many get the honour. Not wihtout dying horribly right after, anyway. ]

I kept running until I made it to the city of Kirkwall, far, far away from Tevinter. There, I met Hawke- a different one to the Hawkes that have appeared in the Fleet, and joined his group. It was there I truly learned what it meant to be free. To have friends, something like a family. To be my own person.

[ she does really appreciate him allowing her touch, and keeps a light hand on him ]

You've been through so much, and you still have so much drive and interest in the universe. It's incredible. We're really lucky to have you on board. For someone to go through so much and still have kindness within them is truly admirable.

[For a moment, he looks surprised, before it gives way to a faint sort of amusement. ]

Kindness is not generally a term people use when describing me. Still, it is what it is. I had to learn to survive or let it devour me. For a long time it did, but seeking revenge against those who've wronged you does little to make you feel better. It's far wiser to continue living in spite of it, of them.

[ she gives his arm a little squeeze and then pulls her hand back so she can take a sip of her drink ]

Well, you've been kind to me, and kind to yourself, to allow yourself a life despite what's happened. I've seen people go down the path of revenge, and it's consumed them. That's not kindness.

It did consume me. I simply...ran out of people to be angry at over it. I killed those that came after me, including Danarius. Eventually, the only person left to be angry at was myself...I was fortunate enough that I had my friends to pull me back from that. I doubt I would have done it alone.

Friends are very good at that.

[That gets a chuckle out of him. ]

That they are. Mine were especially veracious about it. I'm glad for that.

How about you? Do you have friends like that? Who would look out for you?

I do, and they mean more to me than just about anything. I mean, you know Winn. He's doing everything he can here to make sure I'm okay. At home, besides him, I have my sister Alex. I was adopted by her family when I was 13, but we're as close as any sisters. She has put herself in harm's way for me more than once, and even ended up doing her job so she could help protect me. She and her mother have been just wonderful to me. There's James, and Director Henshaw, who seems like he disapproves a lot but really has my best interest in mind. And of course my cousin, Kal-El, even though it's my job to protect him first and foremost.

That's a lot of people. [Fenris has a few himself, of course, but Kara still has so many, it's good to hear. ]

You are most fortunate to have them, and I am sure they feel likewise to have you.

I'm very lucky. They mean so much to me. The place where I'm from—my first home—is completely gone. My cousin and I are the only survivors. I never would have imagined that I'd have so many people who care so much after I lost that.

Oh.

[He looks genuinely sorry for her, he hadn't even known. ]

I'm sorry. That is...difficult, to lose so much.Do you remember your home well, at least?

I do, yeah. My mother sent me away when I was 12. My cousin was an infant, so I'm... largely the language and culture holder left. My aunt and uncle also survived, but they were acting against the best interest of my new home. My aunt was killed, and her husband will be addressed when I get back.

[Well, that sure sucks. ]

That is a large weight on your shoulders, to keep the entirety of your world's culture. Will you be able to teach your cousin these things? To keep them alive?

[He doesn't get it himself, he was a slave, he didn't HAVE a culture. Merrill, though, she kept insisting eleven culture needed to be kept alive, so he supposed it was important to some people. To those who had the access to such a thing. ]

If he'd like to learn. He's much older than me right now... it's a complicated story. I got stuck on the way to Earth and slept for a very long time, without growing. He continued on and was on Earth for 24 years before I showed up. So, I'd like for him to know, but he was raised as a human. It's harder this way.

Ah. So it was like being caught in a time stream.

[A pause. ]

...I have had an uncomfortable amount of experience with time travel. Still, you can always offer.

Have you? So has another friend of mine.

And I will. I do, I mean. He knows we can talk.

Yes. Before I came here, I was kidnapped to another place, called Exsilium. It was complicated, but we needed to travel to time to prevent a great war.

That is something, at least.

Seems like being somewhere before here is pretty common.

I have noticed that, also. I would not be surprised if Atroma did it on purpose. They seem to enjoy drama, and such things certainly brings it. People long taken from their home, expecting to go back but finding themselves here instead. Not to mention people forming friendships, relationships with people in these other worlds, only for them to not know them in another.

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