driftfleet | Tourist ROAD TRIP (mingle)

[ He opens and closes his mouth abruptly, at a loss, wrapping his arms around himself. How to explain this? "Ah, Loki and I are in love, but he doesn't want to compromise his relationship with another, then he lost his memories and I had to rebuff him for his own sake?"

Instead he says. ] I . . . need.

_{[ Kirk motions him inside and shuts the door, hesitating a moment
before he wrapped his arms around Leto in a gentle hug. ]}

Okay. What do you need? What can I do?

_{[ He wanted to help him, but while he was friends with Leto, the other
was still something of a mystery to him, and he was unsure of what to do,
touching his face gently. ]}

[ He sighs, closing his eyes. Heat. Warmth. He misses Ghani intensely. She would know what to do. She would advise him.

( or she would kill Loki, but details ) ]

I don't know. I'm not -- supposed to ask for things.

That's a bunch of bullshit, Leto.

_{[ He guided him to the bed, sitting down with him. ]}

Everyone needs help Leto, and asking for things does not make you weak.

_{[ He hates whoever put such things into Leto's head, for forcing him
to no doubt suffer. He knows the wormskin has done things to him, is
turning him into something, but he doesn't want Leto to believe he is alone
here, that he must carry or face burdens alone. ]}

It is not a matter of weakness. It is a matter of -- the bargain. I bargained my soul, my wants, my needs for the sake of the human race. I knew this. I chose it.

[ He looks down at his hands. For now, they were still hands. ]

How can I go back on it now?

Leto, whoever asked for that bargain, it wasn't a fair one. How could anyone or anything ask you to give up those things?

_{[ He reached out, taking one of those hands, threading their fingers.
]}

But... if you feel it's important to keep that, just... let me know what I can do for you. You're more than welcome to stay the night, or as long as you need.

It doesn't work that way. No one asked or said. It was . . . [ He exhales ] It was the Spice. The drug that allows us to see the future. I saw the end. I saw what would happen. So I made the choice.

[ He shakes his head. He's still upset, his sorrow seeping through his hunched shoulders and expression. ] I shouldn't have let him like me. I shouldn't have let anyone love me.

Leto...

_{[ He raised his hand, brushing his fingers through the other man's
hair. ]}

You can't control how people feel about you, Leto. I mean, you've warned me how many times, and I still care about you. And nothing you say is likely to make me stop. Are you... afraid, of returning that love?

[ Afraid? Yes. Deep down, there is that fear. Of a love so strong, so consuming that he would divert his path and be reckless. He loved humanity too much to abandon them to their faith, but selfishness was a human part of him.

His parents have loved each other so much and Leto would never stop resenting them for it, resenting their part in his life. ]

Returning love is easy. Committing to it is harder. I have never committed. I only gave away.

_{[ He is quiet a moment, brushing his hand across Leto's. ]}

I'm not sure I can be much help in matters of love. I'm not very good with it myself.

You love, you dally, you sacrifice.

[ He sighs. ] That part is easy. Living for someone else -- that is hard. It comes with fears, regrets. Doubts.

I would not mind it so if I could do it. But to live means to have the essential parts of living. To eat, to sleep, to breathe as one. Not to live as a husk while the other must entertain life with an immortal.

Ah, that I know. I may not romantically love them, but I love my crew - they're my family. Every day there are doubts and fears, wondering if I'm making the right decision for them as their leader. But those things just show that you care. They come with the territory, because you're placing someone else before yourself.

Could you not ask to alter your bargain? To let you feel those essential parts of yourself, even for just a little bit? While you're here, perhaps?

[ His lips twitch faintly, though there's no real humour there. ] Don't I do that already?

There is no asking. It's only me. I don't have anyone on this path to direct or help me.

That's pretty much life, isn't it?

_{[ He gave him a rueful smile. ]}

All you can do, Leto, all any of us should ever do, is what we believe is right.

_{[ He leaned in, touching his forehead to Leto's hair. ]}

It just sucks when the right thing is the thing that hurts us most.

Fate is a fickle mistress and I've danced with her in the moonlight.

[ There's a trickle of frustration with himself, whenever he gets into these moods. What right does he have to feel bad for a choice he knowingly made? ]

I did the right thing. And it will matter, centuries from now. It will matter.

[ But it'll be too late for him by then. He exhales, closing his eyes and soaking up Jim's touches. ]

That's what matters in the end, isn't it? That you made the right choice. Even though it was hard. But that's what leaders of men do, don't we? We make the hard choices.

_{[ He shifted, motioning for Leto to put his hand in Kirk's lap. ]}

If it's any consolation - I'll dance with you any time.

[ He laughs softly, laying his head down in Jim's lap. ]

Is that what you took from that?

Edited 2016-06-13 06:19 (UTC)

_{[ He smiled down at him, smoothing his fingers through his hair and
the other hand massaging his temple. ]}

Well, I hate to think that you're without a consistent dance partner. That's just to sad a thought.

[ He hums softly. He used to do this with Ghanima. Lay his head on her lap as she threaded her fingers in his hair. She'd let him stay as he raged and begged and pleaded for his life. ]

Is it really so sad?

Well, sure. Everyone should have someone in their life they can dance with - especially under moonlight.

_{[ He continues with the motions since Leto seemed to enjoy them,
making himself comfortable back against his own pillows. ]}

We have a saying in the desert. We hide from the sun but we walk under the moon. Now, the desert is a little more gentle, touched by moisture and the green so it holds less power.

Well, that just makes practical sense. It's far to hot in the day time - it would be easier on the body to move around in the night. Most desert animals do that anyways, don't they?

_{[ He continued massaging his temples with slow, idle circles. ]}

Is that your doing? Gentling the desert?

No. It was my father's. It was his promise to the Fremen. I'll have to cull it a little now. Make sure there's enough desert for us. For the universe.

Your people require a desert to live?

_{[ The question has true curiosity in it, wondering at needing a desert versus something easier to make a living in. Desert's on his world had never been precisely welcoming of humans, though they had managed to carve livings out of the sand. ]}

The universe needs that desert. It is the only place where the Sandworms can live. And the only place where they can find Spice.

[ He looks up, his blue eyes bright and unseeing. ] The problem is that humanity has become dependent on it. All those inventions, all those accomplishments . . . all that could have been never happened. They want the certainty of knowing the future.

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