Your regularly scheduled creepy visitor

[killedwithlove]

Who: Cole and anyone who needs him... or wants to chat to him
Broadcast: No
Action: On any ship except Marsiva, Tourist or Red Fish because he avoids visiting two and can't visit the third.
When: While the fleet is moving and probably a bit after

[There is this thing Cole does.

He visits other ships. Sometimes he put the Pathstone alongside to visit and sometimes he takes a shuttle, but he's constantly wandering all over the fleet, being with people, circulating.

He hasn't done it in a while. He got a nasty fright and went into hiding for a while.

But the creepy psychic being is back! Sticking his large nose into all the business.]

Comments

[killedwithlove]

You lost your confidence. Grief clouded your sight and it's hard to find again.

You are not less. You just changed where the bench mark is.

[beardstrokes]

[ He goes quiet. ]

I can't deny that my grief has taken hold for a long time.

[killedwithlove]

That's the nature of grief. But you get frustrated at yourself for not being 'better'.

I'm not sure what better is, but I know it hurts you to fall short of what you think you should be.

[beardstrokes]

[ It did. Though Obi-Wan has never suffered a crisis of confidence. He's never felt the real sting of fear or fright. He's taken measure of the Force and he had always followed its call.

Still. Still.

He shrugs loosely. ]

It doesn't hurt. Not really.

[killedwithlove]

[Cole doesn't reply to that.

He knows it's a hurt. He wouldn't be aware of it if it wasn't. But maybe, Obi-Wan doesn't notice the pain anymore. The pearl of hurt is there, hiding the knot it formed around.]

[beardstrokes]

[ Obi-Wan is spectacularly repressed. His early childhood is riddled with wounds, wounds that sprung from wanting, needing, asking for more. Those emotional ties and moments were then spurned and buried deep. It was easier. Anakin didn't understand, he thrived in his personhood, his identity.

Obi-Wan would sooner forget his than celebrate it. ]

I'm not lying.

[killedwithlove]

No, I know. You're not lying, you're just not right. It's different. I don't think you know the hurt hurts anymore.

I was wondering if that's better or worse.

[beardstrokes]

I'm afraid I don't follow. What hurts?

[killedwithlove]

You hurt.

Lots of little things, some not so little. Your perceived shortcomings especially. They... nibble, like a stone in the shoe.

[beardstrokes]

I'm sure I'm not . . . quite that bad.

[ He hopes. ]

[killedwithlove]

Oh, I've felt much worse. That doesn't diminish your pain. Pain isn't better for someone else having been through worse. It's not... relative

[beardstrokes]

No, of course not.

[ It's simply not something he's ever given thought to. ]

[killedwithlove]

You say it and you know how to apply it to other people. I don't know if you know that it applies to you too.

[beardstrokes]

I am a Jedi after all. We do uphold ourselves to different standards.

[killedwithlove]

Why?

[beardstrokes]

It's how we were trained. How we're meant to serve.

[ He pauses. ] As Compassion, you hold yourself to a different standard, correct? It's similar for the Jedi. Being touched by the Force, by the Light means we serve it differently.

[killedwithlove]

I don't know. I don't think I hold myself to a different standard. I'm just different.

[beardstrokes]

So are the Jedi. We are different. Just not as different as a spirit.

[killedwithlove]

Oh.

[He thinks about it.]

I... sort of understand?

[beardstrokes]

It is a little confusing. Especially for people who don't know the Jedi well.

[killedwithlove]

I don't really understand mortals very well. I want to and I'm getting much better, but I'm still learning.

And I don't really know Jedi at all. Except that the ones I've met are warm. Compassionate.

[beardstrokes]

You might be sensing the Force in them. After all, we carry it with us as well as tap into it when it surrounds us.

[killedwithlove]

No.

You care. About other living things. That's what I feel. Your Compassion.

[beardstrokes]

[ To him, that's the same thing. ]

In all of us?

[killedwithlove]

In anyone. In anything which can feel Compassion, does feel Compassion, I feel it. It glows, like a warm hearth.

Empath. Solas called me an empath.