driftfleet | [Open Moons Mingle Log]

[the fear turns avoidant pretty fast. it's his first and strongest defense mechanism--if there is a problem, don't look at it. so, down and away go his eyes, off to focus on his hands, the floor, whatever he can find.]

I'm fine.

[it's a lie, of course, and it's automatic. he's busy thinking of what to do, busy pushing down the fear and whatever else is in there.

it doesn't go very far, though. already, there's something else knotting up his throat. and oh how he wishes someone would come out of the woodwork and tell him what to do here.]

[Ah. Fenris recognises the mechanism, he held it himself, for so long, before it turned to anger and defiance. He's silent for a moment, brow furrowed. ]

We both know that isn't true. [He exhales.] It will get easier.

[and something prickles up the nerves of his spine at that. normally, when someone picks at his offhanded lies, he just deflects and comes up with more. he gets defensive, but it's more out of anxiety and discomfort than anything else.

this time... there's something about it, the familiarity, that hits him differently.

when he finally glances up, it's a low look out of the corners of his eyes.]

Yeah right. [--said more to himself than anything.]

[Fenris continues to watch him, he won't insult the boy by showing him pity. That's the last thing he needs. He exhales. ]

It will. I won't lie and say it will get better entirely. It won't. But you learn to live with it better.

[and he turns toward him a little further then, sharp about the motion until he catches himself. he's surprising himself with it, really... but there's a realization that hasn't quite hit him as clearly as it should have by now.]

And how would you know?

[because it's there in the back of his mind, but hasn't completely clicked yet. he hasn't let himself think about it long enough to catch on.]

[Fenris remains passive. Nel needs to get it out, release all the anger and frustration and fear he has no doubt is coursing through the boy. ]

I have lived through it myself. I was a slave, I killed my master.

[and there it is. he can't avoid it now.

he can't ignore the fact that this man was once the same thing, the fact that he isn't anymore, and the jagged feeling rising up in his own chest.

he's not familiar with the feeling enough to even identify it, but he can look up and meet Fenris' gaze full-on now, when he couldn't before.

just staring in shock, and growing anger.]

[The anger is good. It's healing. Probably.

Fenris has no idea how the process can work with Nel, and he knows he isn't the Freed Slave Poster Boy. He almost destroyed himself in the process, after all. He just folds his arms, watching him.]

If you decide to take a swing at me, I'll allow you one.

[and something about that statement is the spark that lights the little fuse. he blinks, lets everything inside him wind up for a surprised breath, and it comes out in a forceful little shout.]

I'm not going to hit you... I don't hurt people!

[Fenris gives a shrug. He knows that was aimed at him, and isn't about to deny it. He was remade for hurting people, he's a living weapon, for the longest time that was the point of his existence.]

No? Then good for you.

...You don't even care.

[he stares, incredulous. he doesn't understand any part of this. this man ruined his life, he doesn't even know why, and that apparently infuriates him.]

What is wrong with you? What in all the hells do you even want??

If I didn't care, I wouldn't have done it.

[He gives a shrug.]

I won't tolerate slavery. Not now, not ever. It needed to be stopped.

I'm not a slave!

[because they'd done such a good job of convincing them that they were all there under their own free will. the collar was just a symbol of a partnership, they'd said. they made him believe that he truly wanted to stay. they made him believe that it was the only thing keeping him from a much more horrible and humiliating fate.

and the ones who fled were nothing but disgusting, ungrateful traitors. the only little bit of pride he has is wrapped up in all of this.]

You don't really care anything for me!

[he shouts in elven, now. the shifting mental gear has him standing as tall as he can, stepping closer even though there isn't much distance between them to begin with.]

...You're just some selfish ghuiya'lhn, taking it out on everybody else!

[and thanks to the translating, Fenris gets treated to the exact meaning of the term. it's an ugly word, meant for things that are malformed and objectively worthless--originally used for livestock that were too ruined to even be worth anything butchered or skinned.]

That is a lie you are told. One day, you may understand the truth.

[He's never understood elven, before coming here, and it concerns him that he can now. It just adds insult to injury. Were it anyone else, Fenris would have struck out. But he understands Nel's rage. He feels it himself often. It's all part of the burden of freedom. ]

I would not use that word around me again. You can think what you like about me, but what I do care about is that Robin isn't keeping a slave any more. Which you were, however else you wish to believe it.

How you deal with your freedom is your business.

He was taking care of me!

[getting angry is always hard on him, and actually expressing it is even worse. he's not used to it--the flood of it overwhelms him as soon as he starts to actually let it out. his face flushes, and he stays right up in Fenris' face as much as he can manage.

they're certainly starting to gather attention now, causing a scene.

and he rolls right back into elven again, because that's still the language that the most vivid, vulnerable parts of his brain speak in.]

He was the best thing to ever happen to me! [--voice cracking over the last words.]

[Fenris takes a step back, not out of fear, but to re-establish his personal space bubble. ]

These are the lies you tell yourself. I told myself the same, denial is a strong thing.

[Open Moons Mingle Log]

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THANK YOU FOR BEING PATIENT I can only tag this when I can actually think gfdhjk

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