Fifth ♠ Video

[save_the_souls]

Who: Allen Walker
Broadcast: Video
Action: Blue Fish if you're there
When: February 8th

[Some of the older fleet members may recognize Allen coming on the screen, in his lab for yet again, one of his video messages. He at least seems to be getting more comfortable at the idea of speaking in front of the camera- or more likely from the slightly tired tone in his voice, he's too tired from dealing with the antics of his energetic captain to give many damns]

Hello everyone! For those who don't know me, I'm Allen Walker-, the lab assistant on the S.S. Blue Fish. Just a few quick things today I'd like to say!

First of all, some of you may have noticed odd behaviors from your crewmates recently. The source of this is believed to be some malfunction from our augment implant. Luckily, I've done some scans and while there seems to be unusual activity - I haven't detected any actual brain damage so far! Beyond that, there's a lot I still don't know, I'll let you know if I learn anything else on the matter.

Second of all, due to the coming of the romantic holiday on some worlds called Valentine's Day, the augment malfunctions and the moons in this system- I'd like to go over some things to keep in mind for an easier month:

[He starts numbering them off with his finger as he talks.]

1. Please remember not to eat or drink anything if you don't know where it came from.

2. Some of the malfunctions seem to be causing....sudden attraction to other people that did not exist previously. Please keep that in mind before you make any impulsive...er, romantic decisions.

3. And if you ignored #2 and you decide to compulsively get married, I...highly recommend you check the divorce and annulment policies in this area of space. Just... [He hesitates before shaking his head] believe me on this one. It might save you a lot of trouble in the future.

That's all I have for now. If your ship still needs a medical kit, please contact me and I can get one delivered.

Thank you for listening.

[He waves at the camera a bit sheepishly, and the feed cuts out]

Comments

TEXT

[onlyanapple]

[Maybe this is safer? Words aren't hot, right? ]

I think you should underline that one several times, just to make sure. Also they need to check the laws on polygamy, because that was a rats nest.

...I wonder if being in another dimension technically makes me a bachelor again?

TEXT

[save_the_souls]

[There are many book lovers that would deeply protest to that idea, but in context...yeah. He doesn't seem to be moved by the texted words at least!]

Do you really think there'll be group marriages from this? I don't remember any others but yours.

[There's a pause]

...Probably not. Marriages only end usually with death, right?

[onlyanapple]

[Aziraphale would write him a strongly worded note.]

I bloody hope not, but Atroma do seem to enjoy the drama, and that really causes drama.

...Well, joy.

Action!

[alwayscomeback]

[Since the whole brain scanning...incident, Sokka has taken to wearing a tin foil hat around the ship. This is something interesting enough for him to come and investigate, though. ]

So, what's this Vahlenties all about? Is it the creepy stalker holiday, or something?

Action!

[save_the_souls]

[Allen almost feels a shiver of dread as he hears someone enter his medical bay. And...sure enough, it's the crazy person]

- Sokka, why are you wearing tin foil?

[alwayscomeback]

[Sokka tips it at a jaunty angle. ]

It's to protect me from being brainwashed. Thanks to some people playing with my brain. I needed to take precautions.

Video

[hearsthesea]

Thank you for the information. Do you know whether that means this will be temporary, Allen?

[Shirley looks all too chipper when she starts out, but the yawn she gives about ten seconds later belies the effect the malfunctions are having on her too. Another yawn, a curious look, and she asks a second question.]

Is there really a holiday just for getting married?

Video

[save_the_souls]

I'm...not sure yet, I'm afraid. I sure hope so though.

[Otherwise he might be tempted to shove his captain into a shuttle and set a course for it to the nearest planet]

Well, it's not just about marriage! It's...ah, it's actually more about romance in general!

Video

[hearsthesea]

So it's a day about romance?

[It takes about three seconds for Shirley to think about Senel, and then she starts fidgeting - courtesy of embarrassment and another miniature energy boost.]

Like...like how?

video;

[ino]

Here's hoping most of that advice won't be necessary ...

video;

[save_the_souls]

Well, Crowley's said no one's proposed to him yet- so maybe these malfunctions aren't as extreme as losses.

[...]

Then again, my captain has taken to wearing tinfoil hats and episodes of narcolepsy.

video

[ladiesss]

[...on video, Krista raises her hand. she has a question.]

video

[save_the_souls]

[Allen, whose been to formal schooling maybe an entire week in his life (and he spent most of THAT playing hooky), take a moment or two before realizing she's not saying anything with that hand raising and that's...kinda weird!]

Ah- yes?

[Was it some form of silent protest??]

video

[ladiesss]

I have a question...

[which she should have maybe said before. she lowers her hand.]

I know you implied otherwise, but can I ask about number three?

[twifork]

Does 3 happen often?

[save_the_souls]

Um...

Well, the last place I was in, sometimes it'd influence people's thoughts and ideas magically and well...

I would estimate there was one of those weddings at least once a year. Sometimes more.

video;

[got_it_memorized]

[Axel is laughing. Like he's just so amused right now.]

So do you think that the ship captains are capable of marrying people, like oldschool ship captains could? [The idea of him pronouncing somebody married is just really hilarious to him.]

video;

[selfperpetuate]

If that ends up being the case, you think you'd be up for marrying me and my boyfriend?

[FOR ONCE, ALEX IS NOT AN ASSHOLE TO SOMEONE. because he is actually serious about this.]

video;

[save_the_souls]

[GODDAMMIT HE KNEW THIS WOULD %$#@&@#$%#&%@ HAPPEN. HE KNEW IT.]

[got_it_memorized]

[The laughter abruptly stops and he just sort of blinks.]

Wait, like seriously?

video;

[save_the_souls]

[Oh jfc]

Why would you want to marry people anyway??

video;

[misconceived]

You're kidding, right? This is a warning you have to give?

[ As weird as it is, Chris is now realizing he may need to keep a closer eye on his dad. They don't need a rehash of trying to get Chris conceived all over again... ]

video;

[save_the_souls]

[Allen meanwhile seems very surprised because well- didn't he just punch this guy?? WHY IS HIS HAIR DIFFERENT AND HIS FACE NOT PUNCHED? Also saying multiple sentences without profanity- amazing]

[Maybe he did hit him too hard]

Alex...?

video

[transferedfate]

Huh... I just assumed that you guys were all naturally crazy.

[ms. helpful, right here]

So it's not always like this?

video

[save_the_souls]

Well-

[A pause; since yeah that's totally not something he can completely deny]

It's usually not this extreme, anyway.