driftfleet | though it hurts to breathe

Entry tags:

though it hurts to breathe

Who: Raven, Hank, Charles and Erik
Broadcast: No
Action: On the Heron
When: Now onwards!

[ It had taken her a little while to calm down with Hank at her side, long enough that she's practically itching to make her way over to the Heron as soon as she can, device in her hand - the temptation to text ahead, to make sure they're really there, that they're okay, is almost a little too daunting and there's not much Raven can do other than force herself to stop. She's stronger than this, true, but coming out of the other side of something as horrendous as Apocalypse and standing tall, waking up on the Fleet, trying to figure out if she can handle it all again - it's too much.

The only thoughts in her mind are that she needs to find Charles, she needs to find Erik, and she needs to make sure they're alive, that they're safe, that they're here. This is going to be impossibly difficult for all four of them, Hank at her side, but they could work through it. They beat an all powerful mutant 'God', they came together as a family and they worked, hard, to make sure they all came out alive the other side.

What was the Fleet after all that?

It doesn't take her long to break away from Hank into a practical run as she reaches the Heron, a flash as she makes her way down the hall to find the other two mutants. Erik is important in her mind, of course, but her first instinct is to call out for Charles, standing outside the door and pressing her fingers against it, afraid for a moment that he won't answer, that he won't be there. The fear grips her, and her hands shake, but she does it anyway, knocking and calling for her brother.

After that, later... Well, she has to take time to calm down. Once she's sure Charles is safe, that Erik is safe, she can actually move to relax herself, the weight on her shoulders fading away. It takes time, but it happens, slowly... But she doesn't leave. She doesn't feel like she can leave either of them, and she wonders how they're going to handle that. ]

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[Erik feels disjointed, too many conflicting feelings pulling him every which way. He's relieved to see Raven and Hank. That they're fine and aware of the situation eases things somewhat, compared to the alternative. But he can't react with the same level of sheer exhilaration and happiness that he just saw between Charles and Raven. He doesn't have it in him. The three of them were part of one world, and he was part of another, even if ties exist between the two. And with Charles here... what once was close was now hesitant and anesthetized. It's safer for both of them.

At least Charles can feel safe with Raven and Hank. Erik's glad for that much.

He pulls out of the hug after a few moments, watching her face.] How's Hank?

[ She might be a little awkward when it comes to emotions and being around people - years of isolation and singular living might do that to a person - but she's not an idiot. Raven knows Erik, and she knows how his moods work, how he works; they lived together for months, not just around each other on the Fleet but back in the early days, too, and while time had changed and reshaped him she still knew his core.

Her hand stays in his, not letting him pull away, demanding intimacy from him in the same way she would Charles. She had told him, clearly, that he was her family and she was his - and there was no running away from that. You have me. You have Charles... That's what I've come here to tell you.

Making a soft noise, she ducks her head, almost shy. ]

He's fine. He seems to be... Handling it.

There's not much else to be done about it.

[They handle it, or they'll crack.]

It feels like the same thing over and over again. Something happens and we just have to deal with it.

[ Raven sighs, frowning. ]

It's just levels of extreme now.

[That draws one huff of laughter out of him.] It better not be the same thing over again. Once was enough.

I don't know. I don't think I quite had my fill of being locked in a weird anti-mutation chamber.

[ Sarcasm comes a little too easy, and she glances up at him, almost sly. ]

[He had heard about that, in the weeks after Cairo when they all had time to talk, really talk.] Not enough time to work out how to break free?

Not enough time to kick Stryker's ass for daring to lock me up in the first place.

You'll get him. [There's no doubt in his mind that Raven and the X-Men could handle someone as vile as Stryker.]

Give it time.

Don't tempt me. I'm supposed to be a good influence now, remember? [ Teaching the X-Men and everything. ] But if he threatens them, well. Accidents happen.

Charles is the good influence. You can be what you need to be. [And if that entails a harsher hand in a fight, then so be it. He can't picture Raven as a model teacher. An effective one, yes. But not saintly.]

How has it been? The training.

I'm the one that told them not to worry about controlling their powers. Charles might have had something to say about that.

[ She does her best to look somewhat innocent, though she's sure it doesn't work. ]

They remind me of us, when we first started.

[He shifts uncomfortably, not wanting to think about the past like that. Too much of it is close to the surface already, plucking on his nerves like an inexperienced harpist.]

There's value in learning your limits, beyond controlling them.

We don't want anyone's head exploding.

[ She nods, thumb brushing over Erik's knuckle before she breathes out softly. ]

That's what there attending the school for - and they'll be there when we get back.

[ Not necessarily 'we' being Erik, but... ]

Yes.

[That's all he says. He knows the 'we' isn't for him. As welcome as he is at the school, it belongs to Charles, Hank and Raven. Staying there was too hard, once he'd finished rebuilding. His presence was likely to be a danger to them. He had no purpose there. He has none anywhere, but at least when he's on his own, he isn't reminded of it quite so much.]

[ Raven squeezes his hand again, and then she's shifting, gently, moving more into his space so she can rest her head on his arm. When she speaks, her voice is quiet, a mumble; she's still tired, despite the sleep they've all been in, and the rush of memories lie heavy on her chest. ]

Do you remember what I said? In Cairo?

[She's too intent on staying in his space for him to deny it, though part of him wants to. He has to settle for turning his face away, keeping an arm around her shoulders. Her voice carries the exhaustion he feels deep in his bones.]

I'm not likely to forget it.

Good. Don't.

[ Raven might not understand how he and Charles are going to work forward from this, but her devotion to him doesn't mean she's completely bereft of devotion to Erik. She's going to be there for him, too, and there's no escaping that - he's just going to have to learn to manage it. ]

[If he were to forget that, he'd vanish from the world. After what Raven and Peter had done, he wasn't going to... something in him stiffens, going rigid.

Peter.

Knowledge he'd gained in the Fleet suddenly collides with the past ten years and he forgets to breathe for a moment. It's with great effort that he takes a breath, though he's staring so blankly at the opposite wall that he doesn't remember to reply to Raven.]

[ Raven didn't get to be as talented with her mutation as she was without noticing people, and as soon as he tenses she's turning her attention to him. She's careful as she tucks herself against his side, tilting her head up to look at him. Her concern is obvious, and she frowns, also uncertain before she speaks. ]

Erik?

[ She's as pushy as she had been ten years before, but she has a touch more tact now. ]

[He brings a hand up to press against his face, and he shakes his head rapidly. No.

He hadn't known then. The boy hadn't told him. "I'm here for my family too." He must have known, to have come all that way and say that, and for what? Someone like Erik who'd had no idea, not a single care for what happened to his--

Distress starts building inside him, potent and terrifying, and try as he might he can't keep a handle on it.]

[ Raven is moving instantly and she shifts, stepping forward and crowding a little into Erik's space. She reaches up and puts her hand over his and for a moment she doesn't think there's anything she can do; she watches him, dragging her eyes over his features, and offers herself as an anchor, as something for him to turn to and hold onto.

He's not going to speak to Charles about it, she thinks.

She's not quite tall enough to get close like she had with Charles, but it doesn't stop her. She's pressing a hand against his neck and urging him to focus, and her voice is gentle and sure when she speaks, even if she's struggling to hide her own uncertainty and her fear. She's scared for what's happening in his mind and what's hurting him so desperately. ]

Erik. Look at me - me. I'm here, and I'm not moving.

[He can hear Peter's scream as En Sabah Nur breaks his bones and he can hear Nina's laughter as the deer flock towards her and he can feel her cooling body in his hands and he doesn't know what to do. You already knew this hisses part of his mind but he hadn't, had he? He didn't know then. He'd known so many things (you have children, you lead the X-Men in the fight against Apocalypse, if you leave you can come home, he loves you and you're going to make things work) that hadn't translated, hadn't reached him at all. For a mad moment he wonders what's real and what's not.

Raven's hand against his neck is. After a stuttering moment he blinks and focuses on her face, his breath coming short and sharp.]

There you are.

[ Raven moves the hand from his neck and rests it in his cheek, trying to comfort him before it goes to find his hand. Then she can shift before she adjusts how close she's standing - she doesn't want to crowd him now when he's back with her, and she knows from experience how stifling that kind of intense company is.

Instead, she holds his hand gently. She watches his face and she drinks him in before she lets her eyes move back to his face properly. She'd lost him for a moment and she doesn't have to think too hard about where he'd gone; they're all hurting in similar ways. It's hard for her not to go out of her way and push, but she also knows Erik; if he needs her for more he knows she's there. ]

Should we sit down?

[His breathing levels out as the panic subsides, though it's a long moment before he nods to Raven's question.]

If-- all right.

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