driftfleet | Windrose Mingle

[It was just an emotionally overwhelmed tear. There's been a lot. But the final trigger was something good. It was love. What better reason for crying is there?]

Late Thanksgiving, but still a Thursday so it counts. It was my turn to plan a date.

You planned me Thanksgiving?

[ it's his turn to feel overwhelmed. last year, he was so grateful just to be included, to be a last minute addition. this year...this year it was all for him? ok, not all, it's for her and her friends too, but she did all of that and it was in part for him and he can't explain how much that means to him. his own eyes are shinning now. ]

Crap, I'm gonna have to do way better than a picnic now - [ joking, because how else can he respond? he's feeling so much right now, so much love, so much gratitude. ]

[She smiles and leans in to kiss him. It feels more necessary than words at the moment. She knows it won't be as good as the kinds of things he plans or Pinkie, but she really wanted to do it on her own for him. Oh, she enlisted help for the food, but she wanted it to be as much her as it could be and she can't be trusted with a thanksgiving feast especially under weird space circumstances.]

Picnic sounds perfect as long as you're there.

[ he returns that kiss with everything he's feeling, so she won't for a second forget that she's very much what he's grateful for. ]

So no leaving you with Steve, got it.

[ he can make that joke because steve is even more hopeless than he is so there's less than nothing to be jealous of, romantically. ]

Not unless you want me bothering him with questions of his past. [She does care for who he is in the here and now too, but she can't pretend she isn't interested and eager for those older stories.]

I can't leave a bro like that, guess you're stuck with me.

[ he's sure steve wouldn't mind in the least - and maybe it'll be fun sometime. they should invite him over for a hangout, he doesn't want to regret not having done it. but not on date night. ]

Hey - thank you.

You haven't even seen the replacement turkey yet. [She smirks and it fades just a bit as she remembers he hasn't been eating meat. Then again, the replacement won't be meat so that kind of works, but maybe awkward to joke about?]

You're right, if you didn't get a real turkey it's worthless, thanks for nothing.

[ it's a little awkward, but he tries to roll along with it. ]

Well, better luck next year I guess. [Smiling at him. Thankful for the rolling.]

[ next year. it's nice to hear her say it. he really hopes they'll have better luck - that they'll celebrate it in the relative safety of national city.

he leans in for a kiss. ]

For luck.

[Always missing his references, but she likes this kiss for luck and she smiles back at him.] Luck just got luckier.

Hey, how are you doing? There's been a lot of change. [Her promotion. People leaving. Being on the Windrose more.]

I'm fine. [ doesn't he look fine? the finest! ] My best friend's a superheroic alien, change's not exactly new to me.

[Every time he mentions a "best friend" she thinks it's about to be about her and it's always about Kara and why does she keep thinking anything else?] Just because things are common, it doesn't always make them easy.

[ as long as she keeps calling him that, he's going to keep saving that title for her and her alone, it means too much to him. ]

Are you implying something does? Cuz I'd love that cheat code.

[ everything seems so hard. ]

The best I've got is just not being alone in it. I know I'm glad I have you for this. [Her fingers drift up and down over his arm.]

Got that covered.

[ and it almost moves him to tears, how true that is. kitty, kara, kirk, and kate...really look out for him. the rest of his friends are always there when he needs them too, sure, and they're amazing and he loves them. but to have so many people who pay enough attention to him to notice when something's wrong (ok, jim is the king of that, but the other three are pretty great at it too) and always care is amazing beyond words to him.

it also makes him miss the tourist all the more. he can't wait til morning when he can head back there and even just...hang out in jim or kara's rooms. ]

Do you? Are you sharing with someone? [Because she feels like he's usually being strong for her and as sweet as that is it's not the dynamic she wants for them. Or not the only dynamic. She wants more more give with her take. She doesn't him to feel used or burned out on being with her.]

[ he shifts uncomfortably; that feels like a trick question. is she jealous? it's not a proper yes anyway, he and jim haven't had one of their talks lately, and he's been more focused on comforting kara rather than the other way around. he also may have straight out told kate not to ask the last time he got upset in front of her (though extenuating circumstances - it was during halloween, he wanted to enjoy the party not get upset), so no. not lately. but he does share more than he used to, because his friends do poke and prod. ]

I talk when I need to. [ eventually. some of the time. ]

[Some of it is jealousy. She's also aware she's jealous of it and she doesn't like that about herself. It comes from insecurity and Winn really gives her no reason to feel insecure. It's stuff she's working through about the kind of person she is and the things she's done and who she wants to be. There's also ghosts of the past. Having been in a relationship that felt so strong and good to her until it all feel apart. In a way things being good feels like a bad sign on an instinctual level more than a conscious one. So, it makes her want to make sure things really are good and make them better when she can. It can also lead to trying too hard.

But a big part of it is also just being worried about him. Worried that he's not talking or processing the things he goes through. She wants better for him. Like she said, she wants him happy even if it's not with her and jealous or not she means it. Even in little ways like having friends and outlets beyond her. She knows those are good and healthy even if she tends to get pretty wrapped up in the person she's with. It's possible growing up in a world where everyone hated her except her team might have been a little too insular and led to some issues.]

Good. [She doesn't really sound relieved though. She wants to believe him. She wants to think he'll just come to her or go to someone when things come up, but she also knows him better than that. She doesn't want to push him away by prodding too much. She knows she has her own hangups to deal with. But sometimes she worries that he needs the push and she might not be doing enough of it. Interpersonal relationships, amirite?]

If there's anything I can do to help ever...I want to do that. And if there's anything you need me to work on for us I would. You know that, right?

[ interpersonal relationships are so complicated. he does need the push but if it isn't done just right he starts lashing out at it. jim's gotten used to it and knows how to push past the initial resistance, but so far he's the only one who's made it through that. ]

I know. [ he kisses her and rubs her shoulder. but he can't ask her for the things he needs, because they're not fair. besides, she already said they could start evening out their nights, and that's mostly what he wants right now - just to be back in his space where he feels safe and comfortable and loved. ] Ditto. [ he knows he's far from perfect, he has a lot to work on himself - he's not crazy about his jealousy either, but he tries his hardest not to let it affect her beyond having her text him when she's doing something he's uncomfortable with so he doesn't feel like it's behind his back. he hasn't been plagued by it in a long time, he realizes, which is a nice thing to realize.

maybe he really is getting more confident. ]

[The most complicated. And she frets over it because he means so much to her and she wants so much to do right by him and make him feel as loved as he makes her feel. These few words he gives back worry her but it's also good to have someone to worry about and over.]

Ditto he says. [She kisses him tenderly and then leans on him. Maybe when he thinks about it he'll want to come to her with more if she just keeps letting him know she's there for him.]

Tell me about our library back home. [She's taken to liking this. Liking hearing about National City. It informs her about Winn's life and while it feels a little like living in a fantasy everything about this place is like that. Why can't she have one she builds with him.] Is it big? Very book-y?

[ he prefers this line of conversation; it's more hopeful, and he needs hope, needs something positive to hang onto in this sadness. he thrives on optimism, it can get really wearing to constantly think of the things that are going wrong. there's still plenty that's going right. ]

Hmmn. Well, nowadays most of my books are electronic, but there's still a decent sized physical library. A lot of books from college, science, history, limited-edition fantasy and sci-fi covers, comics...basically with an e-book reader, we have access to millions of titles, so I'd say pretty big and book-y.

Electronic books sound much less book-y. [But she smiles, seemingly unbothered by the change.] Did I ever tell you that the books in the prison were actual books, but after a few days you'd pick it up and it would have new content. One minute it's a book on aquifers and the next it's about cooking a great spicy meatball.

Well, they were electronic. [ the whole place was, virtual reality and all. ] There are really good e-readers out now, the screen doesn't utilize its own light source, and they use this thing called electronic ink and it keeps your eyes from getting tired, they're much more book-y than they sound. Plus, you can carry around your entire library and it takes up the space of one short book.

[ paper books are great and all, but technology! ]

Think of all the other things I can carry when I don't have a bookshelf strapped to my back all the time! Maybe a pizza oven! Or are those digital in National City too?

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