(no subject)

[goldenglasses]

Who: Vash and the WOOORLD
Broadcast: To everyone!
Action: On the Planet
When: Right now!

[Vash was on the planet trying out some ice skates he had bought. He was bundled up in extra clothes and is carefully sliding around on a patch of ice he's found. He tried to find a place where he can fall without bothering too many people, but he's not exactly out in the middle of no where either.

He's shaky and the balance is something that takes a bit for him to get use to, but he's slowly getting the hang of it. He had kept his communicator on him just in case he managed to seriously hurt himself while learning how to skate. Of course, if he knew what would happen at one point when he falls he might have been okay dying in the cold as the communicator takes one bump too many.]

Accidental Audio

OW! Ieieie. That really-

"Oh! Xabio! I'm yours forever and always!" [Suddenly there's a lusty female voice that clearly doesn't belong to Vash.] "Just, please, be gentle. It's- It's my first time."

AAWAAAAHHHHH!!!!! Oh, shit! [There's Vash again as he screeches loudly in panic! Followed by muffled scrapping as he fumbles at trying to get at his communicator. Meanwhile the audio book keeps on going clear as day for all to hear.]

Asstrostar's two tongues lick her luscious lips nervously as one of Xabio's six muscular arms reaches out to gently caress the soft purple skin of her cheek. [A male narrator voice helpfully sets the scene.]

"My love. I would never hurt you."

She feels a tingle in her gills and a warmth spread through her that she has never felt before as Xabio's other arms tickle their way under her protective outer shell. Reaching places no one else had ever explored on her before. Asstrostar moans deeply, but it's muffled-

No! No! No! No! Stop! Oh man, oh man, oh MAN!

-as Xabio's presses his lips against her own. She wraps her arms tightly around him. All the troubles of the nebula wars disappear and it no longer mattered that their home worlds were on opposing sides. All that mattered was their love for each other. And Asstrostar knew that Xabio loved her as well. She could feel it as he pressed his body against her own and his large, warm, throbbing-CLICK!

[Suddenly everything goes quiet except for Vash's heavy breathing from his panicked scramble to get his glove off and extra clothing unzipped to turn the thing off.] Phew! Thank goodness no one was arou-- eh?

[Is this thing saying broadcast?]






Oh crap.

Comments

voice

[bb_wolf]

Oh no, do go on. I'd love to hear more about the erotic adventures of Asstrostar and Xabio.

[Bigby's voice is dry and amused. Almost certainly at Vash, not the content of the book.]

voice

[goldenglasses]

It's not an erotic type of book. [He grumbles under his breath. His cheeks a dark red already.]

It just had a small part in it I guess in it.

voice

[bb_wolf]

Sure, it isn't. Sounded like real quality literature there.

Re: voice

[goldenglasses]

Hey, someone put a lot of work into this to write it! Just because it's not the best writing doesn't make it poor quality!



Probably...

[bb_wolf]

I didn't say it was poor quality.

I am saying that it sounded like audio book porn.

voice

[deviances]

[ No video, no coherent words... just the sound of Eithan falling out of his damn bed, he's laughing so hard. ♥ ]

voice

[goldenglasses]

[Vash sputters in embarrassment for nearly a full minute before he can finally speak.]

It's not that funny!

voice

[deviances]

Actually, man, it really is.

[ And he's totally still laughing~ ]

Is the whole thing like that, or did we just luck out on which part we got to hear?

Re: voice

[goldenglasses]

NO! IT'S NOT ALL LIKE THAT AT ALL! [He answers that immediately as if he's worried people are assuming he listens to porn audio books all day. Partly because he is.]

The rest of the book has been about a war between several planets! One that's been going on for millennium! The two main characters are from different warring planets! They have just found a way to help their people stop fighting finally and they, um, they've just got caught up in the moment of their joy.

It's a story about how love is better than fighting. Basically.

[Basically it's a terrible romance novel and he's a sap.]

[hollystrike]

You know, I think this explains a lot about your flirting techniques.

[goldenglasses]

I don't get all my flirting techniques from these books.

[Note not all he does get some.]

[hollystrike]

[Noted.]

Well, it's excellent material to learn such things from. Where do you learn the rest?

[goldenglasses]

I don't learn it! I make it up from my own wit and charm.

[Basically he just says the stupidest thing he can think of at the time.]

[hollystrike]

Oh, I see! That explains everything. [You get points for trying, at least.] Perhaps you should hold classes.

[namisan]

[Snrk.]

You know, I think the alien orgy was more innocent than this.

[In large part due to only witnessing its aftermath, but...]

[goldenglasses]

It-ah, this... well, um...

This one wasn't an alien orgy.


[He's pouting so hard you'd think he was five.]

[namisan]

But I've only got your word for that. See Vash, this is why you need to get your porn in written form. Less embarrassing.

[goldenglasses]

IT'S NOT PORN! [So defensive.] I thought a book that's read out loud would be interesting. I didn't realize it had a scene like that in it! [Although he could tell it was going that way and paused to listen later.]

You could even borrow it if you want to see it's not that kind of story!!! [Is he crying in shame? He's probably not crying. Maybe.]

[namisan]

Why would I want to borrow YOUR porn!?

[Guess who didn't listen and jumped straight to the outraged finish line.]

Video

[wolfehawke]

So much for that innocent upright captain image you had going on. Who knew you had such a spicy taste in literature.

[If anything, Adalwolfe looks impressed. He misjudged you!]

Video

[goldenglasses]

Okay, for one I never said I was an innocent, upright captain. [Have you seen his wanted posters? No wait, scratch that. He'd rather no one saw those.]

And two it's a classic apparently. Or at least that's what the store I got it from said. [Classic trash.]

And three... um, ahhh. Well... It wasn't that spicy.

[His gusto at the start turns to embarrassment towards the end.]

Video

[wolfehawke]

She could feel it as he pressed his body against her own and his large, warm, throbbing--

[He raises an eyebrow after repeating that line from the book.]

I'm sure we all know where that was going.

Video

[goldenglasses]

[Oh God. He didn't need to repeat it out loud. Vash turns a shade of red that would match the coat he normally wears.] Okay. It's a little spicy. It's only the first scene like that and the book is past the halfway point by now!

(Audio)

[castintoflames]

That...is different. (The deep voice of Maedhros Fëanorian is almost...amused.) Of what races are Lady Asstrostar and Lord Xabio?

(Yes. That's the point he is focusing on.)

(Audio)

[goldenglasses]

[At first Vash is hesitant to answer. Still feeling embarrassed, but eventually he quickly bursts out the answer.] Well, Asstrostar is a Wauk'yhr which are a mostly aquatic spices of the planet Sholla 64N. Where Xabio is from the planet Zramnug and is from a race called Qath known throughout the Galaxy for their ah... beautiful... um, hair.

[Crap. That sounded even more stupid out loud.]