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[scanninggaydis]

Who: Felix Gaeta
Broadcast: Video, Fleetwide
Action: Vanquish Cargobay
When: Now!

[When this video starts, Felix is standing over two boxes stacked on top of one another. The top one is open, and he's pulling....books? out of it.]

If anything was going to convince me that these sponsor drops are pointless, it would be this. Our fleet is attacked, and this is what someone thinks to send?

[He glances at a title, frowns, and then holds it up to the camera. Dating Advice from a Manwhore: A Guide to Overcoming Self-Doubt, Relationship Struggles, and Finding Your Authentic Self. After a second, he puts it down, and takes out another one: It's Just a F***ing Date: Some Sort of Book About Dating.]

I'm really not sure what to make of this particular interest in my dating life.

[Or lack thereof, but he doesn't need a man, thanks.]

Anyway. There's more where these came from and I sure as hell don't need them. If anyone's interested, let me know. You can contact me privately too. Just in case, you know, you feel the need for privacy.

[He pulls another book out of the box at the same time that he goes to end the video and...looks vaguely surprised and confused for a second. Just before the video cuts out, there's an image of a different kind of book on the screen.]

Comments

video

[passingthrough]

[Sorry, you're getting a laugh. She is trying to suppress it. Points for effort?]

Nothing like knowing an audience of your fans wants to see you making out with someone to get you going, right?

[Nothing kills the mood like thinking about people watching. Unless you're into that kind of thing.]

video

[scanninggaydis]

[No. No points for you, Kitty. Negative points.

...okay maybe like one point. But that's it. He just lifts an eyebrow at her.]

I don't know, it's a lot of pressure. What if I don't pick a person they like? I'll let them down.

[He is emphatically Not Into That Kind Of Thing.]

video

[passingthrough]

We should host a contest for your love. I mean the audience can't really vote on it, but the rest of the fleet could.

[How are her points now?]

Re: video

[scanninggaydis]

I think the entire fleet caring about my love life is even more terrifying. No thank you.

[...This is rich coming from a guy whose favorite hobby is to gossip about people's sex lives but. Man, at least he's never done it obviously.]

video

[passingthrough]

Are you sure we don't already care? [Raising an eyebrow.]

video

[continuousgroaning]

... I think it's nice.

video

[scanninggaydis]

[...Oh shit, small sincere children. One of his few weaknesses when it comes to not being a sarcastic asshole.]

It's...probably well-meaning.

[He won't go so far as nice, but...]

video

[continuousgroaning]

I guess whoever sent it wanted you to be happy. Although if it did happen so soon after in attack I guess that IS a bit tasteless...

[scanninggaydis]

These drops generally are. A little tasteless, I mean.

[Kaworu's drop of a box of sprinkles might not have been the worst.]

text

[robitussin]

come on the first one sounds like a treasure

don't you want to know what that distinguished gentleman has to say

[scanninggaydis]

Actually it's a woman.

Hold on a second, I'll give you a teaser.]

[Yes, he's going to type some of it out.]

"Get off of me!" I shrieked, "I'm going to kill him!"

I heard Sylvester say, "No! Don't do it! He's not worth it. You have to let go."

Caught off guard by the revelation, I loosened my grip and Stan pulled me off Joseph but I was still kicking and screaming and practically foaming at the mouth like a rabid little creature.

[A small pause.]

No, I'm not sure that was worth it.

[robitussin]

i meant the advice from a manwhore one

unless that was part of it?? but uh

[scanninggaydis]

Same book. It appears to be less concrete advice, more autobiography.

Disappointing.

Action

[sonofgold]

[Alphonse had been stretching to begin his workout when he'd heard Felix discussing his sponsor gift, and he walked over with a grin on his face.]

Does the recipe book at least tell you what to do with food gel?

[scanninggaydis]

That's probably asking too much of them.

[Felix looks up, the expression on his face wry. But hey, he'll give it a shot. He flips open the cookbook, and scans a few pages.]

Nope...I mean, some of these are probably still manageable. By the right person.

[Hmm I wonder if he knows any cooks who happen to be really handy at making stuff with the Fleet's limited resources....]

[sonofgold]

Now all you need is someone to serve a romantic meal to. Which is I guess what the rest of these books are for... want me to turn them into paper cranes?

[scanninggaydis]

I guess I'll wait to see if anyone does want one. For whatever reason. Comedy?

[Felix shrugs, and then closes up the box he's looking through. It's highly unlikely he's going to find anything useful. He doesn't need to find anything useful.]

But if there aren't any takers, you're free to. I don't know what else I'll do with them.

action

[outstandingbalance]

[Natasha catches the video and decides to come down and have a look for herself. Can't blame a girl for curiosity. Especially considering the quality of these books.]

Subtle, aren't they?

[Don't mind her, picking up and looking at your gifts here.]

[scanninggaydis]

Like a brick. Or two boxes of them.

[No please do. Look through them. Take them...either way they're going to just sit in the cargo hold forever unless someone else does.]

See anything you like?

[outstandingbalance]

[She might, if only for the laughs. Most them don't seem to be exactly relevant to her life.]

Looks like someone's trying to ask you the same thing.

[Sorry, this really is funny.]

[scanninggaydis]

[They're not relevant to his life either!!

Why is his crew making fun of him. That's not what crews do. (It's exactly what crews do.) He fixes Natasha with a very level look, and then rolls his eyes.]

Well. They're going to be disappointed.

[survivalistcookbook]

Sorry, man. I'm afraid the people have spoken.

[Have this smug face, right here, just tickled by Felix's sponsor drop. There's nothing like a drop that actually has some sense of purpose behind it, and this? This has to be one of the best he's seen yet.]

You're saying there's no one here who's caught your eye? Really now?

[scanninggaydis]

[Eugene. No. You're the worst. Stop.

He is getting a Look from Felix's end.

...The question almost poses a problem. It's one thing to know that he'd make a terrible boyfriend and that he's not in the right place in his life for it. (That he might not ever be in the right place for it.) It's entirely another thing to admit it. Which is why he won't. He'll just pretend to think about it for a second, and then shrug.]

Not really. Not seriously.

[video]

[thebarkside]

[ what. she's seen some useless drops before, but he's right: this one probably takes the cake. ]

Are those real books?

video

[scanninggaydis]

If they're not, a bunch of people were really committed to a joke.