mingle a little Mor tonight

[catamite]

Who: Everyone!
Broadcast: Sure!
Action: The wonderful world of Mor, nearby way-stations, and ships!
When: The first week or so of arrival

[this is it-- Atroma's surprise vacation stay for you all! it's time to explore, speculate, relax, and totally behave yourselves. right?

how are you all dealing with the ever-so-educational volcano? have you played around with the visual toggle on those collars yet? aren't they cool? aren't these peasant clothes rad? if you haven't had a decent meal since Abeo, maybe you could afford some of that authentic farm-raised meat they have here. historical!

I bet you're all excited and completely thrilled to be here! who wouldn't be? ...so, make some discoveries, make some friends, and have fun!]

Comments

[lord_wizard]

[It is, because it allows him to approach an uncomfortable subject from more comfortable ground, and he can answer the unspoken question behind those careful words.

He considers carefully, even then, gazing into the distance. He brings up a knee and rests a hand on it, a guarded gesture disguised as something casual.]

Sometimes. I had the opportunity to learn more than I ever would have known existed back home. Science, physics, mathematics, botany, mythology, literature...and of course magic. There was never a shortage of different systems and ideas to discover.

[It makes him think of Chimera, and he idly and selfishly misses his workroom and the place in the castle that had always been, in some measure his.]

Befitting a castle, we did occasionally have the most extravagant balls and parties. Some the castle put on for us and others more ambitious persons put together for various occasions. And in some ways it was like home. I could go up to the roof and look down at the city whenever I wished.

There was also the people I met. I had a number of good friends there whom I never would have crossed paths with. [The smile that had been on his lips turns immediately sad, as the thought reaches it's natural conclusion] And that was part of the problem. They could leave as soon as they came, without warning, as if they never existed at all. I watched it rip apart friends and lovers and families on a daily basis.

All of the castle's gifts were like that. Double-edged. It was impossible to escape being wounded by it. Sometimes the things it did were benign, but often enough they were far from it. It...twisted people. It could change you into anything. Turned them into monsters that had to be fought. It had the power to make you younger or older, or it could make you a different gender or an animal.

[Part of it is ridiculous as it sounds, and over time little things like that became a matter of course. Thing that were tolerated.

He laughs, bitterly, still not looking at Mattias.]

All that is second to the times we were simply attacked. Creatures of all types that came out of the woodwork to hunt, kidnap, and kill people. Or the times it plucked the nightmares out of or heads and put them on display for everyone to see.

[And there was more. So much more. So much of it impossible to explain all at once. His stomach twists into a cold knot at the truth at the center of all those facts]

The deeper truth is that all this was simply the symptom of the greater cause. The reason Paradisa existed.

[noctiphile]

[It started off so idyllic. A gathering of different worlds. Of knowledge and opportunity. Yet, somehow, it transcended quickly, a sanctuary turned into a slaughterhouse in a matter of minutes.

Mattias tries to imagine it. It's easy, given recent events. Being torn away from those who cared, being locked in a cycle of uncertainty, never knowing who would leave and who would stay. Yes, he could picture it well but only for a couple months. Never for—goddess. Five years.]

I'm sorry.

[It's the simplest thing to say and thus the weakest. There are other things he wants to say. Other sympathies he wants to sling but the words are too big, too clumsy. He fumbles over them while the air moves still with silence.] I didn't mean—[Another apology. It blurts out unbidden.]—to bring up such unpleasant memories. I had no idea. I—forgive me, Felix. While I chased off painful truths, I asked you for a bundle of them. I almost feel obligated now. Please, if there's anything you'd like to know...

[Ask. It still doesn't feel adequate but he's at a loss.]

[lord_wizard]

[The sad fact of the matter is that while all of that was a painful fact piled upon another, it was but the ones closest to the surface as far as the mountain of truths and lies that made up his life. In a strange way he didn't even resent the experience as much as it seemed. Yes, he hated it, but Paradisa was simply only doing what it needed to survive]

Of course you had no idea. It sounds perfect on paper. It was perfect model of a gilded cage. It lived off our emotions. Every party, every arrival, every death, was just another way to get what it needed from us. And some were better subjects than most.

[Meaning himself, of course. It shouldn't be that strange of an idea to grasp, coming from a man who arrived in the fleet to the tune of a violent temper tantrum. He'd always felt things quite strongly, even if the effects of those never rose close enough to the surface to see.]

It would have been difficult to for me to pretend that none of that ever happened. [Not when he has so much else to lie about, but those are easier by merit of time and repetition.]

[He glances aside with a sigh, taking in the eager sadness that Mattias regards him with. It would be very easy to dig for something terrible, but these memories aren't worth that kind of retribution. Asking why he called himself a traitor, for example. He lacks the context for Mattias did, however, and has an equal chance to stumble into briers, but a less openly prodding question comes to find after a few prolonged beats]

Tell me about your family. You only mentioned your uncle in relation to them. Why?

[noctiphile]

[Asking why he was a traitor would almost be a point of pride. In a way it was an accomplishment. A badge of his success in reward for achieving his lifelong goal. He didn't mind the name, just the inherent consequences.

His family though, that makes him freeze. Makes his eyes hard and his lips thin. He keeps it momentary, forcing a smile that doesn't reflect in his eyes.]

Ah, well. There's my cousins, too, I suppose. I simply didn't think you'd have any interest in hearing of them. My aunt as well, though she doesn't like me much. [He's inferior in her eyes. An insufficient replacement for his mother.] My cousins, though. You could say they were my only friends growing up. Friends and siblings. Ana and Elijah are their names. Elijah was a bit more distant. Older, so he saw our interactions more as babysitting. Ana, though. She's a spitfire. [He chuckles.] She and I—we'd practice courtly manners with each other. Curtsies and courtesies, you know. Actually—[He raises a finger.]—she was my dance partner. Though she's got two left feet.

[Another chuckle before he waves the thought away.] Anyway, while Ana and I were teenagers, Elijah was sent off to serve at the border. He was killed in a raid. Uncle Martell was a mess. His wife even more so. It led to their divorce and left me the sole carrier of the family name. Uncle was quick to appoint me his new son. Unofficially, of course.

[It sounds convincing. This time he doesn't falter. Keeps up the good cheer right on through, timing laughs and smiles in all the right places. Still, it feels odd. Recently, his heritage was the least important thing about him and back in Oramos... Well. Everyone had already known. To have to actively hide it felt strange.]

[lord_wizard]

[Before he even speaks, Felix knows he's miscalculated, and mentally winces at the reaction. He doesn't buy for a second that this is all cheer and fond memories, outside of the complete lack of mention of his parents. He's seen too many of these lying masks. It's a courtly skill to be sure, to respond neutrally while shoving the core of the matter away where it can be safely forgotten.

He decides to let Mattias get away with the evasion. It saves them both in the long run, because what did he know about families, really? He never had anyone to look up to or live up to. No one to miss. Not in that same way. It was a bond he'd maybe never really understand.]

Hm. Politics...[he mumbles noncommittally, and returns his gaze to the town in the distance.]

Many of us have left a lot behind us.