driftfleet | Open: July Starstruck mingle log

[Strangely enough, Natasha knew that. Funny how despite the decades between them, their stories were so closely connected.]

And he did admirably.

[ i should never have put him in that position. ]

Get a glimpse of it, did you?

I did. It was... well, how he responded to some of what he saw in my head makes more sense now.

[She says it flatly, but she does say it. Natasha isn't sure she'll ever do it again, but that's Peggy's in, if she wants it.]

I can imagine so. [ a beat. ] Mister Jarvis never went to Russia with myself and the SSR team that came across that old facility. And last year, when all the -- unpleasantness went down with Underwood? He was mostly sheltered from it.

I do regret how that changed. [ a shake of her head. ] Will change. Impressive though he might be, I can't help but wish there were certain things he'd never have to see.

[ oblique. ]

Don't we all. But it doesn't do a whole lot of good regretting when it changes. Sometimes things like that just happen.

[As clear as it is Natasha isn't happy about that either.]

Especially when it hasn't happened yet?

[ a rumble in her throat. as though she accepts natasha's logic, but still sees fit to rail against it. peggy needs to take a shot at something -- this seems good enough. both peggy's future-self and natasha's good sense can both withstand the blows. ]

But it will. And because of it, a -- [ psychotic soviet agent, but peggy stops herself ] -- well, you know precisely what sort of person will be unleashed. She get away, Natasha. Dottie Underwood gets away.

I have a fairly good idea. [A Black Widow. Natasha doesn't say that, and she doubts that's how Peggy would have put it, but there it is.]

And I can't say I'm surprised. If someone like that sees an opportunity, they'll take it.

-- Which is why I ought to know better than to break her out of an SSR prison. [ a beat. ] But I desperation makes a fool of me and...

[ oh, here it is. ]

And maybe if I'd seen a bit more of what happened at those training facilities before I made the decision, I would have been cleverer about it.

Something you don't get to clever your way out of. Frustrating, believe me I know it.

[This isn't exactly the conversation Natasha expected to have, but the notes are there. Peggy's regret about the facilities.]

You did what you could based on the best information you had at the time. And you know Underwood gets away. It doesn't sound like you know yet if it was worth it.

Well -- you exist. And so it must have been.

[ which sounds grossly sentimental until one remembers peggy's fairly certain the ultimate price paid of her mission's failure might actually compromise the whole damned world. so it goes with interdimensional science. ]

[Natasha doesn't mistake that for some kind of personal compliment. That would be far too honest between the two of them, and Natasha doubts she's had that much of an impact on Peggy's life—so she can infer the other woman's meaning. She shrugs.]

So there it is. One more rogue spy out thee, the world keeps on turning. Can't say the same thing about every threat. Sounds like you triaged the situation appropriately.

[ natasha's right, of course. at least jarvis seems to think so -- but peggy doesn't have the benefit of hindsight to see herself vindicated. instead, she stews in what could have been, what could be done better, what might be avoided. ]

She's a bit more than a rogue spy. But I doubt I need to explain that to you.

I don't know about that. As someone in a position to know, I think rogue spy is the most accurate description when you get to the heart of it.

[At the heart of it, Natasha would probably describe herself the same way.]

[ peggy might argue that those girls are broken down and built up to be something rather more than spies. but that's yet another uncomfortable conversation. they're dancing around so many of them. ]

Provided she stays rogue. [ a beat. ] Which she likely will -- I suspect her handlers have long since disavowed her.

At least they won't be bringing her back in. That puts a target on her, too, if it's true. There's a very real possibility Red Room will take care of the problem for you.

[Not that it will probably make Peggy feel better, but Red Room has it's own secrets to protect, and reason not to want their burned asset going elsewhere.]

While I'd much rather see her back in SSR custody before that happens.

[ for obvious reasons. ]

I'm sure you'd rather that. But how many times do you get your much rathers?

-- I try not to count. [ peggy sits back, cradling her cup. ] But a great many have come to pass here in the fleet.

[ so perhaps she's feeling empowered by those parallel successes. ]

And who knows, maybe you'll catch her again before someone else does. [Natasha shrugs. Why not a little optimism? But tempered with priorities. They both understand that.] But if not, the point stands. You had bigger priorities than keeping one woman behind bars.

So -- [ she huffs, aware that she's about to ask something she shouldn't ask. ] What did you see of Dottie Underwood? Apart from the glimpse in my mind at the airfield.

Other than the airfield... There was a memory of Jarvis's. They had to work together. [A slight smile.] He scolded her, actually.

But you can say I have some insight.

Yes. That's the bit I haven't lived. Yet.

[ peggy leans back in her chair -- enough to untuck her blouse and pull the fabric aside to show a whorled and discoloured scar. ] Back home, I've just been impaled on a bit of rebar after a nasty spill. It should have been me out in the field with Mister Jarvis but I was hardly fit for it, I suppose.

As far as I can follow my own logic -- [ she tucks the shirt back into her skirt ] -- I end up choosing Dottie as my replacement.

Not a whole lot of other female operatives with that level of training to choose from. Fewer you have on hand. Makes sense you'd go with her.

Yes. A cold and impersonal kind of sense.

[ -- one that gambles with people who had no right to be on the playing field in the first place. and that's without yet knowing the cost. ]

[Natasha realizes that the criticism is meant for Peggy herself, but it's hard not to feel the sting in it. She glances away, lifting one shoulder in a shrug.]

Sometimes that's what we get.

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