driftfleet | Floot Loops

Entry tags:

Floot Loops

Who: Jack Sparrow and Anyone
Broadcast: Yes, unfortunately.
Action: It COULD lead to action on Kayann, which is where Jack is at the moment. It's much better than being stuck on the Bishop with Looma and mean people who hate Jenga. (Looking at YOU, Pidge Gunderson.)
When: Later in the evening of the 16th.

"New fruity floot loops
Slooping in a groovy suit
Gloop 'em in a new boot
Or sling 'em in a pie.

Rooty-tooty floot loops
Drooping in a blue soup
Mooping in some newt poop!
Floot Loops til we die!"

[It's a poem. Jack wrote it. And now he's reciting it over and over again. To you.]

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This has to be a hostage situation, right?

Are you in some kinda trouble with a Floot Loop mafia or something?

[In a small voice:] They have a mafia?

....Why else would you be doin' this?

[HE ASSUMES??? Because most large companies, or at least, most large armies always had a black ops group, right? The assassins, the ninjas, the spies - it was normal in an army, so why not in companies?]

[There comes the sound of crunching. Jack is having more floot loops.]

Because fruity. And stays crunchy, even in milk.

Help.

[They must be forcing him to eat it.

Man, company mafias are weird.]

....

Well, tell me where you are.

[He takes a breath and has to force this out between his teeth, but it's to help another person in the Fleet, so he has to go, right? Can't leave him to the evil(?) devices of the Floot Loop Mafia.]

So I can get some of whatever you're eating.

[What comes out of his mouth next seems to take a great deal of effort. This is apparent because he is speaking slowly, carefully, as though his mouth were filled with a huge chunk of Floot Loops that throw a great-tasting high-fiber punch at every organ in your system, all as a part of this complete breakfast.]

My good swooord....flooty....Kayann. In the sooty...I mean city. Advertising district.

[He means the equivalent of Madison Avenue, except on Kayann.]

[Advertising district? That....means nothing to him. He'll have to scan the planet and get a map.]

....Alright. I guess don't move for awhile. I'll see about findin' my way to you.

[With this sword. To stab whomever is holding him hostage.]

[Jack had no idea, either. That's probably how he got lured in in the first place.]

Why would I ever move with all these loops at my beck and call? Oi -- Doudanuki -- best to cover your ears if you come here. And your eyes. All your orifices.

[Well that's Ominous™]

....Riiiight.

[Welp, time to gear up for a war with the Floot Loop Mafia then.

It takes him about an hour to get ready and eventually locate where Jack is, but when he comes in, he's got cotton stuffed in his ears and he's wearing the red helmet he usually carries under one arm. He knows he looks ridiculous, but Jack said to cover up, so here he is.]

[It's a strange journey. Kayann's version of Mad Ave is in the heart of the city, and it's all slick skyscrapers and super-high-tech, silent hover transports that probably cost the equivalent of millions of dollars. All surfaces are mirrored, reflecting a sheen of neon and street glow, so it hardly seems dark here at all.

Doudanuki may track down Jack in a shiny scraper reserved exclusively for product testing and focus groups. He may have to get through some rather tough security at the door and climb (or, alternatively, take the elevator) up 80 stories or so.

He will find Jack in a room reserved for focus groups testing new formulas of Floot Loops. The room is plain white, with stainless steel tables, but in every other respect it resembles an opium den. Test subjects are crouched in corners, by turns giggling and moaning in pain and agony. A few are in dire loop-induced hallucinations. Others just simply seem to have checked out completely.

Jack is at the table, spoon in hand, loops in a bowl in front of him. Smile on his face.]

Doudanuki, you've come! Lookee here! I've got loops for both of us! Atomic grape! Sizzling Strawberry! Meticulous Melon!

[Don't eat it, Sword-Man. It'd be like popping pomegranate seeds in Hades.]

[Thanks to Jack's communicator signal, it wasn't exactly difficult to find him. It was extremely hard to get to him though. The first floor was full of security and he had to weigh the options of fighting his way in or using cunning, which was not his forte.

Luckily, when he said he was here to try the Floot Loops that Jack was eating, he'd been given a little badge and sent up to the 80th floor. It wasn't hard to lie after that and make his way through, all the while still wearing his helmet with the excuse of "unique fashion" until he located the room with his captive pirate.

Who turns out to be not so captive after all since the door to the room isn't exactly locked. There's no need to lock a door when none of the participants want to leave.

Doudanuki has his sword at his side, a fist-sized gold ball attached to his hip, and about 0 feet of patience left when Jack shows him the bowl and spoon. Thankfully with the cotton in his ears, he can't quite hear what Jack is offering or he'd probably punch him out and just take him home.]

...What? I can't hear you.

[Because you said to cover his ears, Jack.]

Look, the door isn't even locked. Let's go.

[Jack smiles through grit teeth.]

I don't want to go. I want to stay and eat Loops forever.

[Well.

That's not good.

He takes a look around the room at other people stuffing themselves full of Floot Loops, cringing in pain and moaning about how delicious it is and feels that this is a Very Bad Thing™]

Fine, but you've got two options.

Either you leave by yourself, or I'll knock you unconscious and drag you outta here.

[Jack wants to leave. He reallllllllllly does. But he can't. It's the power of the Loops. He gestures for Doudanuki to come closer, like he's got a secret to tell.]

[Maybe this guy'll just surrender and that'll be that.

He comes closer and raises an eyebrow beneath the helmet.]

What?

[In a whisper:]

If we try, they'll know. They'll stop us.

[He has to reach up and wedge a piece of cotton out of his ears to hear that, but when he does, he knows.

This place is definitely run by the mafia.]

Then I'll fight whoever tries to stop us. But if you wanna go, we gotta go.

Nonono. Watch.

[Jack lets his spoon hit the bowl with a clatter. He stands up and addresses the others in the room.]

WELL gents! And lovely loopy ladies! Captain Jack Sparrow's had a wee bit too much of these loops for the present! Going to take to the streets, now, and perhaps see some...

sights of the....

[As one, all the other focus group test subjects freeze. They turn their heads toward him. Their eyes are empty, pupils dilated and irises white-blue against bloodshot whites. Like horrible blueberry-flavored Floot Loops, those eyes. They rise. They turn toward the pirate and the sword. They start shuffling forward, moaning more. Threatening.]

City.

[Jack immediately sits back down and picks up his spoon and the others go back to their moaning, gibbering, and loop-noshing.]

You see, lad? This Loop factory is absolutely bonkers. An' the loops have given some of them super-strength! I've seen it myself!

[Great, so not only is it the Floot Loop Mafia, but apparently their entire Army of the Brain Dead. He backs up as the zomfloots shuffle up and then relaxes again as they go back to their mindless eating.]

That's horrifying.

[Said in the most deadpan way possible.

How did Jack even get himself into this mess? It would be awful to have to kill these people, they're just sugar-drugged into a mindless eating frenzy after all, but he can't exactly just leave Jack here to suffer a sugar high for all eternity.]

Super-strength and they'll attack if you try to leave, huh?

[Giving orders and coming up with strategy has never been his strongest suit, but when it comes to a fight, he knows what to do.]

So show me who's runnin' this thing and we'll see about makin' 'em shut the experiment down. Or I can punch whoever gets it our way and just make a run for it.

[There are probably worser fates, although this is pretty terrible.]

They're behind the glass. Watchin' us.

[A two-way mirror. There's no way to see who the Focus Group presenters are.]

[Behind the glass, huh? He turns, adjusts the red helmet on his head, and then goes up to the glass.

It seems sturdy enough.

He raps on it once.

Yep, definitely sturdy.

...

He turns back to look at Jack.]

You aren't opposed to a fight if I start one, are you?

What, against these Loop jockeys?

[Apparently there is a terminology involved in this focus group.]

Are you mad?!

No, I'm a sword. And how else d'you think we're gettin' outta here?

[He jabs a thumb over one shoulder at the guys all around the room.]

S'not like they're gonna let you go easy.

We should try a trick, first! Disguise ourselves as two men who are out of Loops and are going to get more.

[He shoves an empty bowl toward Doudanuki.]

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helmsplitter - 2017-09-07 13:58 (UTC) - Expand

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