driftfleet | » we're all starstruck in september

[ and maybe natasha's right. maybe the protocol is starting to outstay its usefulness. but in those early days, when both steve and she had been humbled by the opportunity before them? waypoints had felt necessary. she didn't want to get lost in what they had. more importantly, she didn't want to forget that her first priority is to the ship. for peggy, it felt no different than years earlier when she'd started going steady with fred wells.

back then, it'd been bletchley's barracks instead of a ship. she hails from a time where even lodging houses kept strict curfews and rules for its residents -- there is a secrecy and a shame attached that she's never been able to quite shake. for all her progressive nature, she's far from a perfect specimen of open-mindedness.

and steve is her first mate. there are a helluva lot of honest answers she can give, but peggy clears her throat and allows her inclination to settle on only one. ]

Let's call it a precaution, then. Instead of a rule. [ ... ] I'd rather not test the sound-proofing.

[ she cards her fingers testily through her hair and glances up at the ceiling. it's rare, really, that she can't meet a person's eyes. ]

[Natasha clears her throat. At least that confirms Steve and Peggy were having sex, she supposes. Just less than Natasha had imagined.

Strange to think that there's a good chance she and Barnes have seen more action than the two of them though.

She snorts and shakes her head.]

You know some people—not to name names but some people—when they're faced with a problem like that, might just be quieter.

Easier said than done, I'm afraid.

[ oh, her tone is dry. she is unhappy with just about every facet of this. except perhaps the ways in which one might read into the words problem like that. still, she manages not to deliver too incisive a glance. ]

[Natasha raises both of her hands n mock surrender.]

I'm only saying, that is an option.

As options go, it's one of the more unlikely ones. [ which tells altogether too much, doesn't it? peggy scrubs her palm across her jaw. her nose crinkles. it's almost as though she's a few breaths short of boasting-up steve's, well, attentiveness. ]

Short of being gagged. [ oh christ, no, boasting-up steve would have been an altogether better prospect. peggy saws a hand through the air. ] Oh, my giddy aunt Nora. This is truly cruel and unusual.

[ the glitch, that is. not natasha. natasha's only really asked the one question. natasha, indeed, has been downright polite about it. ]

[Natasha shakes her head, a look of amusement on her face. Not at Peggy's expense, but there is something funny about all this.]

If I were in your position, I can promise you my language would be much worse.

If you were in my position, you would have named names.

[ peggy snags onto that construction -- those words -- that natasha had used earlier. ]

Well. Very possibly, yes.

[That's how it works, isn't it?]

And I think we'd both rather not have it come to that.

Oh, I don't know. A bit of quid pro quo might be comforting.

[ notably, however, she's not asking. although natasha is free to lie through her teeth, peggy won't put her in that position just now.

there are some small mercies remaining. ]

Somehow, I don't believe you're actually all that interested in my sex life. I suppose I could be wrong about that too, but all things considered...

[Still very consciously not asking questions that she might have under other circumstances.]

-- There's been speculation.

[ oh, damn, whoops. she was hoping to get through this without tossing steve under the bus alongside herself but it's pretty obvious that if speculation's been had, it's been had with him. ]

Not by you. [That much is very obvious. And that narrows down the list.] No one's mentioned it to me.

Well. That's just the thing, isn't it? Neither of us are the mentioning sort.

[ neither her nor steve. whatever they might have speculated upon, considered, or discussed regarding the private lives of friends and colleagues has stayed firmly behind those doors. quiet, furtive, and kept to themselves.

until now, it seems. whoops. ]

[A quick bark of laughter at that.]

So I'm the subject of gossip. Got it. Won't be the first time.

[And neither Steve nor Peggy are stupid or oblivious. Still...

Natasha crosses her arms, tapping her fingers against one bicep once in a thoughtful progression. She's probably being unfair. And it's not as though her love life is exactly a secret, either. Wrath knows. Hell, probably all of Heron does, if they care enough to think about it at all.

But that doesn't mean she's sure she wants to volunteer anything. For so long this thing with her and Barnes has seemed fragile. That first time she kissed him on the mouth, she was half sure he'd run away. When she told him she wanted him to kiss her back, the look on his face... as though it were a surprise, as though he couldn't have predicted that she'd be interested in something like that.

It's been a while since that was a fear though, and the one good thing to come out of calibrations seems to be how it pushed them past their last hesitation.

They are good together.

Maybe it's hypocritical of Natasha to expect Peggy and Steve to share their happiness while quietly hiding her own? Not the first or worst way Natasha has ever been a hypocrite, but still. Her lips twitch.]

Well, you can tell speculators that if there's something on their mind they should just ask.

[ it's not gossip. though peggy won't begrudge the word -- but she would argue that she's been the butt of gossip in the past and the very mild, very respectful exchange she and steve shared on the subject had been nothing like that crass indulgence. they'd made note of the pair at the party on telluria, made note of a few details beyond that, and then resolved to let the other pair come to that confession on their own with no nudges nor no meddling needed.

but for all the whole lot of them keep to themselves, there's still a notable line in the sand dividing them up. ]

That's just it. I doubt he feels he needs to ask. I know I don't. [ 'quid pro quo' being only a concept tied to the very imbalanced nature of this particular conversation. and, perhaps, to signal a bit of intel that peggy believed she'd already known. ] Didn't. Before -- [ a twirl of her finger. ] Even now, I'm not asking.

[ but! she crinkles her nose. ]

If he did ask, [ she's still speaking of steve, ] and if he knew for certain? I know he'd be pleased. For the pair of you.

I'm sure he would be. [And maybe that was part of why it hasn't been mentioned. His being happy for them, the pressure of his attention, might have seemed like too much of a risk before.

Now...?] I'll let him know once I know for certain what to say.

I'd offer my assurances that you'll have that opportunity to let him know first but -- [ a crinkle of her nose. look at her life just now, romanoff. look at her troubles. ]

For what it's worth -- I should just about manage not to spill the beans. It isn't as though the topic is one commonly raised between us. [ ... ] And certainly not recently.

[ too many other things to talk about. ]

[Natasha waves her hand just a little, not bothering to unfold her arms.]

I trust your judgment on that. Honestly, I'm not too worried about it.

-- Perhaps I envy you your cool-headedness on the matter.

[ which is an odd thing to say. but doubtless natasha can recall how even more tight-lipped peggy had been nearer to when steve had first arrived in the fleet. she'd always, always, always worried about the optics.

she'd been burned by the chatter after the war. it was a challenge to risk inviting that back onto herself once more. she'd had to learn, slowly, that the people in the fleet didn't talk like the people in the office. ]

Don't. [Natasha shrugs.] Not all of us can be Russian.

[ oh, hell, she laughs. it's an earnest sound. belly-deep, albeit not particularly happy. ]

You know, they made a radio programme. After the war. [ peggy settles into a seat on a cargo crate, the truth spilling out with sharp confidence. ] The Captain America Adventure Program. In every hour, a battalion triage nurse would be captured by Nazis only to be rescued in the nick of time by -- well. [ she doesn't need to say that much, does she? ]

They named her Betty Carver. Oh, they got all sorts of details wrong. Like his plane crashing in the Sea of Japan instead of the Atlantic and -- and I suppose any Tom, Dick, or Harry listening at home was none the wiser but it's not as though the rest of the SSR didn't know.

[ that betty carver's name was never betty carver. she was never a nurse. not a blonde, neither. ]

It was rather nice keeping things under wraps, here, for once.

[ because even men she'd worked with, men who'd never met steve rogers, seemed to assume she'd been friendly with him during the war. ]

[Natasha hums, a thoughtful noncommittal sound as she accepts this information.

There's a pause, though, as Natasha does think about it. She sees what Peggy is implying. Being back on this sort indirect communication is almost refreshing for Natasha.

Strange what a person can find comforting.

She considers quid pro quo. The irony of Peggy's glitch is that Natasha feels inclined to reciprocate. Even knowing the psychology behind the impulse, it's still there.]

You know they made an action figure of me, after New York?

[Is this a tangent? Probably. But it's something. If they're going to try to start something new between them they might as well start on the right foot. If the exchange of information is a little transactional in that respect, that only makes it easier for her to actually put it in words.]

That was before I had to dump SHIELD's files on all of us on the internet, to expose Hydra, but they still make them. Not as popular as Iron Man or Captain America, don't get me wrong. I'm not the main attraction here, but still... these... dolls. Like I was a superhero too.

I hate them. A spy? Really?

[She nods a little, maybe trying to draw a parallel. Maybe just sharing something not completely unrelated.]

I got one of them in the gift basket I got from the hosts when I got back to Vanquish.

[ hell, she doesn't even know what an action figure is. but she can suss it out. all the better, still, when nat goes so far as to call them dolls. and the very notion already has her scowling. a great deal of it is steve-based: she can't stand the merchandising, the propagandizing, the huzzah, captain america of it all.

but then she sets aside her gut reaction and allows herself to peel apart natasha's protest. peggy could sit back and tell her that spy or not she's just as deserving of the public's praise for her part in the battle of new york, and what happens afterward besides. but peggy isn't that sort of conversationalist. she isn't here to split hairs on heroism.

besides, her most honest answer is simply: ] Christ. I hope you shoved it out the airlock.

It's still in my bunk.

[She never bothered getting rid of it.]

Right next to the chocolate covered espresso beans.

[ peggy pulls a face. ]

Ugh, you can bloody well airlock those as well. [ blegh. ]

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