002 - Looks like a discoball and tastes like strawberries and dreams

[wolfuncaged]

Who: Fenris and you!
Broadcast: Video: Fleetwide
Action: Tourist.
When: Today. SPONSOR DROP for all characters who have started a romance aboard the Fleet



[Fenris had a very unsettled night, sleep wasn't the cards after his run in with Cole. Eventually, he does leave his armory to find breakfast. He goes by way of the cargo hold (just to check the horrible little wretch isn't lurking there) but instead finds a gift basket with his name on. Fenris can't read the rest of what's on it, but the gift basket is full of condoms, lubes and other sundries that only naked people will really have use for. Emblazoned on everything is Madame Gertrude's Pleasure Barn. Not only has Fenris been given one, but any character who have decided to indulge in a little romance, up to and including flirting has been sent one. The Fleet has got itself a sponsor. For today, at least.

Fenris is well aware what these things are (thanks, Exisilium) so it's with a largely bemused expression that he turns on his communicator, pointing at the...gift. ]

Please tell me that I'm not the only one who has been given one of these today. I suppose Atroma expects us to be grateful? Though it is roughly as subtle as a brick to the face.

Comments

[noctiphile]

—Condoms? What, like—[???? ?????? blue screening right now]—for women? Aren't these too small?

[hairkink]

[ he's going to assume mattias has never used a condom before in his life. what questionable choices have you been making, sir? ] No, they're for guys. You unroll them and they stretch so they should fit properly - assuming whoever gave them to you got the right size.

[ he has never seen your junk, and he doesn't want to, but let's hope??? ] Unless you want to get a girl pregnant, you should always be wearing one when you have sex.

1/3??

[noctiphile]

They're—

[Oh. Oh, gods.]

[noctiphile]

[He's been calling them sausages. He's been calling the thing you put on your dick...











Kill him.]

[noctiphile]

[Luckily, he recovers from his mental death quickly, clearing his throat and muttering:]

W-Well, it still doesn't apply. I've hardly an interest in getting a girl at all, let alone dealing with... pregnancy.

[hairkink]

Not at all? [ what kind of guy doesn't want to get a girl? what kind of guy doesn't know what condoms are used for and--

oh.

oh.

despite his valiant attempts to keep from doing so, koujaku can't control the sudden blush of red along the tips of his ears. ]

Ah, so that's it... [ uh. ] Well, even if you don't have to worry about getting someone pregnant, you should still be careful. Some people don't take care of themselves, and they could have diseases.

[noctiphile]

Well, of course they do. That's why you ask. Or, get a demon I suppose.

[Ah. Wait. You can practically hear him waving a hand in dismissal.] Nevermind that. You're telling me these are meant to protect men? And they're common?

[hairkink]

What--

[ are we just going to ignore that demon comment? yes, okay. fine. ] Yeah, they're meant to protect you and whomever you're sleeping with, more or less. I don't know about you, but where I'm from they're pretty common - at least, everyone knows about 'em anyway.

[ doesn't mean they use them tho. ]

[noctiphile]

They're common where I'm from, simply for the opposite gender. It's considered a woman's responsibility. [Not really something he agrees with but that's another topic.] Men... we're left with few options. It's something of an epidemic, actually.

[hairkink]

Seems like it would be easier if the man took the responsibility - makes more sense, too, if you ask me. But I don't know much about your world, so I guess I can't really judge.

[ he can't, but he's gonna because women shouldn't have to take on such a responsibility, in his eyes. it's not that hard to wrap it before you tap it. ]

At least you have them here, just in case you need them though. Just don't ask me for a demonstration.

[noctiphile]

You? [He laughs heartily.] You flatter yourself.

No, I doubt I'll get much use from them. Honestly, I was hoping to take them home, should I go back. As you say, it'd be easier if men took the responsibility.

[hairkink]

Ouch. How cruel. [ he chuckles, the tips of his ears still a faint pink, but that'll pass. we hope. ]

Ah... that's actually not a bad idea. Y'think you'll be able to convince everyone to change their mind?

[noctiphile]

A few, maybe. It'll be a popular idea among other men of my... character, at least. I'm sure they'd appreciate the chance to not get sick.

[hairkink]

Just make sure you check the dates on 'em. Even condoms can expire, and if you wait too long it might be dangerous to use them back home. [ seriously though bro, make sure. ] Maybe just use those for reference, so someone can make more...

[noctiphile]

Hm. That's a good point. Though I hate to imagine the impression researchers will get when I drop a bag of... these upon their laps.

[He snorts.] If only I could broadcast their faces.

[hairkink]

And I'm guessing you don't have a phone or anything you can use to record it back home, huh? Too bad, I'd like to see that.

[noctiphile]

A phone? [Something like the communicators? He chuckles.] No, I'm afraid we're quite primitive in comparison. You'll have to make do with imagination.

[hairkink]

Phones are still pretty primitive back where I'm from, too, so you must be really far behind. [ he doesn't say it maliciously, just sort of notes it for later. probably best to keep his references to midorijima to a minimum to avoid further confusion. ]

Anyway, don't let all of 'em go to waste on those old guys back home. I'm sure you'll find a way to make use of them here, too, if you really want. [ WINKWONK. ] See ya. [ ollies out before mattias can freak out at him lol bye. ]

[noctiphile]

[YOU ASS GET BACK HERE SO HE CAN FREAK OUT AT YOU]