002 - Looks like a discoball and tastes like strawberries and dreams

[wolfuncaged]

Who: Fenris and you!
Broadcast: Video: Fleetwide
Action: Tourist.
When: Today. SPONSOR DROP for all characters who have started a romance aboard the Fleet



[Fenris had a very unsettled night, sleep wasn't the cards after his run in with Cole. Eventually, he does leave his armory to find breakfast. He goes by way of the cargo hold (just to check the horrible little wretch isn't lurking there) but instead finds a gift basket with his name on. Fenris can't read the rest of what's on it, but the gift basket is full of condoms, lubes and other sundries that only naked people will really have use for. Emblazoned on everything is Madame Gertrude's Pleasure Barn. Not only has Fenris been given one, but any character who have decided to indulge in a little romance, up to and including flirting has been sent one. The Fleet has got itself a sponsor. For today, at least.

Fenris is well aware what these things are (thanks, Exisilium) so it's with a largely bemused expression that he turns on his communicator, pointing at the...gift. ]

Please tell me that I'm not the only one who has been given one of these today. I suppose Atroma expects us to be grateful? Though it is roughly as subtle as a brick to the face.

Comments

[forcemageure]

[ Hawke is presumably summoned by 'subtle as a brick to the face.'

Also because he got one of these, but details. Victimless details. ]

What are we grateful for, exactly?

[ Phrasing set to 'optimal inadvertently awkward.' ]

[wolfuncaged]

[Fenris gestures to the basket. ]

Because of the-

[Oh. Wait. Shit. He forgot he's the only Thedosian who has spent almost a year amongst modern conveniences like this. The others won't have a clue what they are.

And he's just drawn attention to them.

Yay.]

Err. I'm sure it doesn't...matter.

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[serpentis]

[And here's Dorian over the video feed, pulling one of the sparkly condoms between his two hands like a rubber band.]

Oh, you got one, as well?

[Streeeeeeetch and he lets go.

SNAP!]

video;

[wolfuncaged]

[This is going to be a long fucking day. He pinches the bridge of his nose, sighing. Babe don't do that. You'll ruin them. ]

That's not what they're used for, Dorian.

Video

[wilder]

Oh. Congrats on the sex.

Video

[wolfuncaged]

[Dryly, so dryly.]

I'm surprised there wasn't confetti.

[devilsinthedetails]

[Cole's laughing because this is great. Thank you, Atroma, you made his day.]

There something you want to share with the class, glowstick? Well, not that it hasn't already been revealed by that little gift.

[He didn't get one personally because ahahaha Cole and romance, that's funny.]

[wolfuncaged]

[Ugh, who invited you? ]

Last time I checked, you were not privy to any aspect of my life. So no.

audio;

[noctiphile]

I don't know. I think there's something cryptic in a basket of sausage casings.

[this is not a joke.]

[wolfuncaged]

[...Well, this is the most depressing thing he's seen all day.]

You're...


You're serious.

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[catamite]

Ha! You called them that too?

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[mysterzie]

[ This one requires Aaron to show up in person since Mattias actually has some. ]

Okay, how come you get them?

[hairkink]

[ LAUGHING. ] Well, I guess that's one way to refer to them, huh...

[ seriously though, mattias. that's hilarious. ] Do you not have condoms where you're from?

video;

[dawnwillcome]

Not the only one, no.

[Here is Jove, turning one of the foil packages over in her hands. That's not suspicious or anything.]

Dorian's been snapping them all around the room but I'm still not sure what the point of them is. I think he's ruined ten of them by now.

[wolfuncaged]

You, too?

[Well, at least he and Dorian aren't being specifically singled out. That's comforting. ]

Well, that's ten of them he'll never get to use properly. [:|]

It's...awkward. I'm sure there's a book...perhaps?

[mysterzie]

How come I didn't get any of those?!

[wolfuncaged]

I don't know, take it up with Atroma.

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[catamite]

[the communicator is set clumsily somewhere nearby, catching a half view of Nel happily digging through his basket like it's easter.

he doesn't even care that it's Fenris sending out the broadcast. he knows there are other people watching too.]

--Oh! Haha! This one is a joke. I get it!

[he holds one toward the camera. its foil is yellow.]

Because it's banana flavored.

[wolfuncaged]

[Nel you sweet baby no.

Nope. Nope. He's done with everything. ]

I'm going back to bed.

video

[lord_wizard]

[Felix is beyond amused even though he really only has an academic idea of what condoms are and how they are used. He, is, however, happily hoarding the rest of the goodies in the basket that has thus far gone unmentioned.]

Is there something you wish you share with the rest of us, Fenris?

[wolfuncaged]

No. I don't want to share anything with anyone. I was just curious if others had been given them.

[Why do you people do this to hiiiim. ]

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[merchantprince]

[Varric is here, of course he is, and he's sipping wine like it's going out of style.]

Better than a nugskin and they come in colors. Learn something new every day.

[wolfuncaged]

[Get out, dwarf dad. Flatly:]

Yes. It's been a marvellous day of learning for everyone.

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[unconfines]

[The details are hazy, with all this information flying around, but Anders has gathered that this is some kind of sex thing, and Fenris seems cagey about it, which makes it hilarious enough for him to lift his self-imposed moratorium, for the moment.

He has one stretched in front of his face so he can look at Fenris through the (extensive) ribbing.]

So many questions. One, are you grateful?

[wolfuncaged]

[Anders, don't do that. That's creepy and wrong. He pulls a face.]

Out of everyone here, do you think I would tell you anything?

video

[treasureling]

...isn't that uncomfortable?

[ He's been looking at the responses, to find out what these are for. ]

It doesn't look comfortable.

[wolfuncaged]

The incessant questioning? Yes. It is.

video

[ladiesss]

[oh my god boys. boys.]

That's so gross.

[wolfuncaged]

[Wow, Krista, wow. ]

I shall bear that in mind.

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[howcanihelp]

[ judging from Steffa's bright red face, someone on her ship has informed her as to what this gift basket holds ]

I, ah.

No, you're not. The only one.

[wolfuncaged]

[Oh, welp.]

I suppose Atroma wished to have perpetual embarrassment.

video;

[serves]

[Look at what a pretty shade of red Cullen turns, even minutes after finding out what's in the colorful little packets. All the way up to his ears.]

Maker's breath.

[wolfuncaged]

[Wow, Cullen, that sure is a lot of red.]

I can agree with that statement.

[detectivewonder]

You're very much not the only one.

[wolfuncaged]

I suppose that is somewhat comforting.

[realhumanbeing]

You got lollipops? I didn't!

[After all, he can't see the sticks, but a square wrapper like that is awfully familiar.]

First the milkshakes, now this? This ship is so unfair.

[wolfuncaged]

[Well.

Well, that sure is a small child.]

They are not-

[Nope. Even Fenris has some lines he won't cross. ]

You do not want them. They taste terrible. Stay with the...milkshakes.