002 - Looks like a discoball and tastes like strawberries and dreams

[wolfuncaged]

Who: Fenris and you!
Broadcast: Video: Fleetwide
Action: Tourist.
When: Today. SPONSOR DROP for all characters who have started a romance aboard the Fleet



[Fenris had a very unsettled night, sleep wasn't the cards after his run in with Cole. Eventually, he does leave his armory to find breakfast. He goes by way of the cargo hold (just to check the horrible little wretch isn't lurking there) but instead finds a gift basket with his name on. Fenris can't read the rest of what's on it, but the gift basket is full of condoms, lubes and other sundries that only naked people will really have use for. Emblazoned on everything is Madame Gertrude's Pleasure Barn. Not only has Fenris been given one, but any character who have decided to indulge in a little romance, up to and including flirting has been sent one. The Fleet has got itself a sponsor. For today, at least.

Fenris is well aware what these things are (thanks, Exisilium) so it's with a largely bemused expression that he turns on his communicator, pointing at the...gift. ]

Please tell me that I'm not the only one who has been given one of these today. I suppose Atroma expects us to be grateful? Though it is roughly as subtle as a brick to the face.

Comments

[forcemageure]

Well, you know how it is when you're married. You start to look alike after a while.

[ Why Fenris, Hawke would never dream of poaching the any you're getting. Or your condoms. ]

I have, though! Otherwise I wouldn't be here.

[ This is definitely on purpose now. It wasn't before, but Fenris is acting so squirrely (a term totally in popular use in Thedas, right? no) now he must know. ]

[wolfuncaged]

[That gets the most sarcastic 'hah hah' known to human or elven kind. ]

Ah. Well. I think perhaps one might have a diagram?

[Just gonna...rifle through. There are no diagrams. Maker nooo, he doesn't want to have to explain this. ]

[forcemageure]

Maker's breath, Fenris. Spit it out while we're young, will you?

[ COME ON FENRIS U CAN DO IT ]

[wolfuncaged]

There are times that I really don't like you.

[That's only a partial lie.]

Fine. They're used for sex. Mostly to stop you from getting anyone pregnant or passing on the diseases Isabela carried around with her. [Fenris, you slept with Isabela, you have no place to talk. ]

[forcemageure]

[ Hawke's face goes through several stages: denial, anger, barga--no. NO, THAT'S WRONG, it's the confusion clearing up followed by >BD, basically. >BD >BD >BD ]

There, that wasn't so hard, was it?

[ What do you mean that word choice was completely unnecessary. He is trying desperately (not at all) to contain his giggles. ]

And Isabela not even here to defend herself.

[wolfuncaged]

I am choosing to ignore the pun.

[Absolutely no good can come of this. ]

I doubt she would have much to argue about in that regard.

[forcemageure]

But will the pun ignore you, Fenris, that's the question.

[ No it isn't. ]

I can only imagine she'd start up her own brand. Create different flavor combinations. Wear them as earrings. That sort of thing.

[ .....sigh. Some fumbling, and then he ...thinks??? He manages to make the conversation private. ]

Look, it's none of my business, so you're saved me asking anyone's intentions or anything so archaic. I just want to know if you're happy.

[ SHUT UP HE HAS NO FEELINGS ]

[wolfuncaged]

I am sure I can ignore it long enough for its interest to become flaccid.

[See what he did there? Take that, you jerk. ]

Probably. The pirates would love her.

[Oh good, private conversations. He considers the question, before a small smile crosses his face. ]

I am...getting there? As close an approximation as 'happy' as I can get, I suppose. He's a good man.

it's private now i guess EXCITING

[forcemageure]

[ Hawke is unspeakably proud. ]

He must be a good influence if you're coughing up one-liners like that.

SUCH EXCITEMENT

[wolfuncaged]

[Look, he grew up and learned how to EMOTIONS. ]

I doubt that could really be considered a good influence, Hawke.

vibrates with it

[forcemageure]

Mmn. No, it's true. What if you made one joke too many and your face just cracked right off?

[wolfuncaged]

I am sure you would all be devastated.

[forcemageure]

How else would I measure the depth and breadth of the broodiness around me?

[wolfuncaged]

I do not brood. [There's no real conviction in his tone, it's just his go-to response for this. ]

[forcemageure]

No, of course not. Whatever could I have been thinking?

[ MUST WE PERFORM THIS CHARADE ALWAyes. ]

[wolfuncaged]

[It's a vitally important dance.]

Perhaps you are getting a little absent minded. [Is he calling you old? It sounds like he's calling you old. ]

[forcemageure]

In my dotage, naturally. [ Dry as dust. ] Oh, well, it's not as if I'll get any older, is it?

[wolfuncaged]

Yes, well-

[No. Wait. Back that the fuck up right now. Fenris squints. ]

What are you talking about?

[forcemageure]

[shit]

Oh, you know. Space rays and whatever else. Who knows what they do to people! We might all wake up blue tomorrow. ...bluer, in your case.

[wolfuncaged]

...No. They do not. I lived in space for months, that never happened.

[The arms are folding. Warning, the arms are folding. He's not backing down. ]

What are you talking about? [He repeats, slower this time.] From what I understand, you get out of the mess in Kirkwall just fine.

[forcemageure]

It's--look, it's nothing worth talking about. If I had a sovereign for every time my mouth ran away with my face I'd still be absurdly wealthy. I'd be able to make a coat out of the bloody things.

[wolfuncaged]

It would stop you being able to run away as well.

Hawke.

[Yep. It's the tone. It's the 'I'm going to know this thing, or I'm going to find you and make you tell me' tone. It's the best tone. ]

[forcemageure]

[ Fenris is one of Hawke's best friends. Fenris is his family. He's more honest with their merry band of misfits than he is anyone else, but paradoxically he also reaches a point where that honesty hits a wall and goes straight up, because family is also what's most important to protect. ]

Talking about it isn't going to change anything, and you won't thank me for telling you. I'm asking you as a friend to consider it dropped.

[wolfuncaged]

[Fenris' frown deepens. There's so much he doesn't know, or rather only knows from what others have told him about the future of Thedas. None of it sounds good. Anders destroying the chantry, the civil war, the sky tearing apart and raining fucking demons. It all sounds terrible.

But all of that pales in comparison to the horrible, gut-wrenching realisation of what Hawke's getting at. He may not get along with the Hawke he knows back home, but Hawke is, indeed, his family. No matter what shape he (or she) takes, his remains a complete truth. It feels like the floor has been taken from under him, and it shows in his face. His shoulders drop, his expression softens.

This isn't fair. ]

...Oh. [It's all he can manage, and even that comes out shaky and wrong. ]

[forcemageure]

[ Hawke's vulnerability and loss-of-control levels max out in tandem; as a result he very nearly reaches out to change Video to Voice. After a second he settles for just looking at his hands in his lap, out of view, watching them stretch white at the knuckles like they belong to someone else. ]

It's not so bad. I'm here, aren't I?

[ He is very, very good at keeping a smile on his face. ]