driftfleet | 002 - Looks like a discoball and tastes like strawberries and dreams

Who: Fenris and you!
Broadcast: Video: Fleetwide
Action: Tourist.
When: Today. SPONSOR DROP for all characters who have started a romance aboard the Fleet

[Fenris had a very unsettled night, sleep wasn't the cards after his run in with Cole. Eventually, he does leave his armory to find breakfast. He goes by way of the cargo hold (just to check the horrible little wretch isn't lurking there) but instead finds a gift basket with his name on. Fenris can't read the rest of what's on it, but the gift basket is full of condoms, lubes and other sundries that only naked people will really have use for. Emblazoned on everything is Madame Gertrude's Pleasure Barn. Not only has Fenris been given one, but any character who have decided to indulge in a little romance, up to and including flirting has been sent one. The Fleet has got itself a sponsor. For today, at least.

Fenris is well aware what these things are (thanks, Exisilium) so it's with a largely bemused expression that he turns on his communicator, pointing at the...gift. ]

Please tell me that I'm not the only one who has been given one of these today. I suppose Atroma expects us to be grateful? Though it is roughly as subtle as a brick to the face.

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

You shouldn't have said anything, then.

You'll have to excuse Fenris. It's not you--well, no, it is you, but it's also most of everyone he's ever met. I, on the other hand, would be perfectly happy to take your questions, bearing in mind I have about five minutes worth of knowledge and zero practical application myself.

[ :D hi, have you met hawke? (yes.) (kind of.) ]

So I have a choice, between someone curt and someone who knows very little.

Ooh, you are a clever fellow, aren't you.* The curt one also has a big sword, if that sways you any.

--Damn, it's too late now for a sheath joke, isn't it?

[ Or is it the perfect time. ]

* [he means this sincerely, or at least appreciatively]

Edited 2015-04-01 20:22 (UTC)

A sheath must be fitted.

These look...

Small.

[ Hawke looks directly and lengthily at the camera*, and then back again. ]

At risk of asking you to pull out any weaponry in relative public...

[ If this wasn't video before it is now, yes? Good. Anyway, he digs around in his own basket and grabs a packet basically at random. Now that he has had some time to experiment he has learned like, three things.

As such, he tears open the ...sheath in question, and holds it up, like a magician showing everyone this is totally your card, right? Then he balls up a fist and sliiiiiides the condom over it, where it rolls out about halfway up his forearm. ]

If that's on the small side I don't think anyone on the Maker's green earth can help you, friend.

[ So one of the three things he has learned is that they stretch. Apparently. ]

* [that's right]

Oh...

[ Well now he's pretty sure everything's going to fit fine, but how was he supposed to know that could stretch that far??? ]

No, that. That will.

...I could work with that.

[ Not that he needs to or anything. ]

[ Are there like a million jokes about condoms being like the TARDIS and therefore bigger on the inside? Hawke definitely can't make any, so it doesn't matter. ]

Maker, I hope so. Either that or you ought to be towing a trolley along behind you.

Are they really fair, though? Especially for preventing pregnancy. I wouldn't want to take away a woman's choice of having a child.

My guess'd be you take that up with the lady in question before anything gets unsheathed in the first place.

Women never want to talk.

None've them? Ever?

[ Geez, that would take like ....a tenth of the fun out of sex right there. For someone who talks as incessantly as Hawke, anyway. ]

Not after she's fought seven other warriors...

[ But other places probably don't have the Ritual, do they? ]

(no subject)

forcemageure - 2015-04-01 21:21 (UTC) - Expand

treasureling - 2015-04-01 21:25 (UTC) - Expand

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forcemageure - 2015-04-07 23:14 (UTC) - Expand

I was making an enquiry. I was not expecting this

[UGH, Hawke you deal with him. ]

What were you expecting?

Yes or no answers.

[No. Really.]

Have you never tried to talk to people about sex?

Generally people go to those more...verbose than me.

Then you've never listened? People love to brag about their experience, and the daughters they've birthed or sired.

Yes, I have a friend who delights in telling these stories.

...Though admittedly children are no involved.

I'm sorry. Is your friend infertile?

I- no. She just never wanted any. It would detract from the fun of pillaging, I imagine.

It doesn't seem to detract that much.

...oh, yours is one of the worlds where the women care for the children, isn't it?

Generally. Some men do it, too.

Anyway, she would have still been carrying a child. From what I understand it is a...difficult experience.

Some of the warriors I've spoken to say it makes them better fighters.

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treasureling - 2015-04-02 16:13 (UTC) - Expand

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