002 - Looks like a discoball and tastes like strawberries and dreams

[wolfuncaged]

Who: Fenris and you!
Broadcast: Video: Fleetwide
Action: Tourist.
When: Today. SPONSOR DROP for all characters who have started a romance aboard the Fleet



[Fenris had a very unsettled night, sleep wasn't the cards after his run in with Cole. Eventually, he does leave his armory to find breakfast. He goes by way of the cargo hold (just to check the horrible little wretch isn't lurking there) but instead finds a gift basket with his name on. Fenris can't read the rest of what's on it, but the gift basket is full of condoms, lubes and other sundries that only naked people will really have use for. Emblazoned on everything is Madame Gertrude's Pleasure Barn. Not only has Fenris been given one, but any character who have decided to indulge in a little romance, up to and including flirting has been sent one. The Fleet has got itself a sponsor. For today, at least.

Fenris is well aware what these things are (thanks, Exisilium) so it's with a largely bemused expression that he turns on his communicator, pointing at the...gift. ]

Please tell me that I'm not the only one who has been given one of these today. I suppose Atroma expects us to be grateful? Though it is roughly as subtle as a brick to the face.

Comments

audio;

[noctiphile]

I don't know. I think there's something cryptic in a basket of sausage casings.

[this is not a joke.]

[wolfuncaged]

[...Well, this is the most depressing thing he's seen all day.]

You're...


You're serious.

[noctiphile]

... Why wouldn't I be?

[A beat.] Are they supposed to be this stretchy?

[wolfuncaged]

That's not what you user-

[What is his life. What has it become. ]

Just- take it to someone on your ship and ask what they are for. An adult, preferably.

[Just gonna...dump him on someone else. Yep.]

[noctiphile]

I don't think anyone on my ship is a sausage expert.

[wolfuncaged]

They aren't-

Just ask someone.

I'm sorry I had to

[lord_wizard]

[From somewhere off screen, Felix starts laughing]

[noctiphile]

[HE CAN FUCKING HEAR YOU ASSHOLE]

audio;

[catamite]

Ha! You called them that too?

[noctiphile]

Called them what? What they are? What other name for them is there? I suppose skins, but...

[why does he feel there's something he's not quite getting...]

[catamite]

Oh, skins is a good one. I like that!

[noctiphile]

You do? [Oh. Well. Let him just preen a bit—wait.] ... Like it for what?

[catamite]

You know, for asking about it. It almost makes it sound classy.

Like... "hey, you got some skin?"

That's way better than 'stretchies' or 'gloves.'

action;

[mysterzie]

[ This one requires Aaron to show up in person since Mattias actually has some. ]

Okay, how come you get them?

[noctiphile]

[oh great a personal visit from his favorite camper]

I don't know! Do I look like a butcher? Perhaps it was meant for the others.

[He pops open another, nose wrinkling at the artificial scent.] Is that supposed to be cherries? Why would you need a cherry-flavored sausage?

[mysterzie]

[ Aaron is both laughing and staring in disbelief at the same time. This is perfect. ]

The only sausage that would be wrapping is the one between your legs, idiot!

[noctiphile]

The one between my—[Oh.]—Oh, god. Is that what it's for?

[mysterzie]

Thank God, you got it. I was about to draw you a diagram.

[hairkink]

[ LAUGHING. ] Well, I guess that's one way to refer to them, huh...

[ seriously though, mattias. that's hilarious. ] Do you not have condoms where you're from?

[noctiphile]

—Condoms? What, like—[???? ?????? blue screening right now]—for women? Aren't these too small?

[hairkink]

[ he's going to assume mattias has never used a condom before in his life. what questionable choices have you been making, sir? ] No, they're for guys. You unroll them and they stretch so they should fit properly - assuming whoever gave them to you got the right size.

[ he has never seen your junk, and he doesn't want to, but let's hope??? ] Unless you want to get a girl pregnant, you should always be wearing one when you have sex.

1/3??

[noctiphile]

They're—

[Oh. Oh, gods.]

[noctiphile]

[He's been calling them sausages. He's been calling the thing you put on your dick...











Kill him.]

[noctiphile]

[Luckily, he recovers from his mental death quickly, clearing his throat and muttering:]

W-Well, it still doesn't apply. I've hardly an interest in getting a girl at all, let alone dealing with... pregnancy.

[hairkink]

Not at all? [ what kind of guy doesn't want to get a girl? what kind of guy doesn't know what condoms are used for and--

oh.

oh.

despite his valiant attempts to keep from doing so, koujaku can't control the sudden blush of red along the tips of his ears. ]

Ah, so that's it... [ uh. ] Well, even if you don't have to worry about getting someone pregnant, you should still be careful. Some people don't take care of themselves, and they could have diseases.