and then the fleet was banned from garbagetown

[necromanswers]

Who: Taako, Lup, and you!
Broadcast: N/A
Action: Planetside, Iskaulit
When: Now-ish!


Picture this - a planet that serves as the junkyard for the rest of the universe. Towns and cities are littered among the trash, having grown up wherever space provided. In one corner of this garbage-filled world is a city, not a massive city like Neverwinter or a small podunk thing, but a city tried and true. Which means it has a town square where all the main traffic flows through on any given day; bakers and merchants and workers, miners and salvagers and travelers, a myriad of people all going about their typical boring days.

And then two ostentatiously ugly costumes just start floating through the middle of it all. People scatter because costumes that look like Shaggy Bear consumed Gloomy Bear's Soul and Big Bird had a Bad Bender and Never Recovered should not be floating through the middle of town. They carve a path and set themselves up, swaying gently in the breeze, in the very center of the square where all can see. Horrified expressions mix with curiosity as the costumes hang there, doing nothing, and then slowly people start to gather.

Which is when Taako, cloaked in invisibility, looks over at Lup and smirks. It's show time. You ready?

And Lup is definitely ready; the levitation drops on the costumes as they hang, and there's suddenly a streak of red-hot light that crosses the plaza from the building on which they stand and strikes the costumes. Immediately there's an explosion of fire, spreading outwards- not dangerous to the onlookers, thanks to the height at which they hang, but definitely enough to scatter whatever remaining nerves they had. When the worst of the initial fire fades away, the costumes remain hanging, but are now on fire, feathers and fur sizzling and curling, ash beginning to dot the earth below.

It's Taako's turn and he sets the costumes to waving in a ghostly wind as they grow, the fire growing with it. The fabric shudders with the strain of it, looming up and over the crowd menacingly as growing bits of charred feather and shag upholstery disintegrate in the flames. It's harmless, of course, but the crowd doesn't know that and they start shrieking, backing away from the display. Now that the scene's been set, Lup calls out to the lingering onlookers, still just out of sight: "What's up, Trash Town? Or whatever you call this place. No need to be scared! Your new fashion overlords are here to help open your eyes to the travesty we've found you all in."

The Enlarge cast and the concentration over, the costumes hang like Ghost Rider up in the air, and Taako can barely keep it together as he sees the people below start looking for the source of the voice. "We are here in our fabulous benevolence to aid you and provide succor to your sadly lacking closets. But tribute is demanded or a curse shall be upon you. We have sent our emissaries who shall now appear before you!"

He's always had this showmanship thing in the bag and Taako Blinks out of existence at the same time Lup casts Dimension Door. It takes him a little longer to get where he needs to go, but the Ethereal Plane is so wonky on this plane. Still, he makes it in time for the grand entrance - the two of them popping back into reality, back to back, wearing their favorite outfits from their earlier heist and with Disguise Self burning over both of them. They look even more radiant than usual; and a little more celestial thanks to the light from the burning costumes overhead and a little extra light granted by Prestidigitation and Dancing Lights beaming behind them like sparks and rays of sunlight.

A low murmur starts up around them as the townspeople survey the scene, uncertain of what exactly to do about it. The murmur grows in volume as seconds pass. Lup continues, "Turn away from your wicked ways, and destroy all sinful manifestations of fabric that rain down from the sky, or a plague of supreme ugly will fall upon you!"

She wiggles her fingers at a random onlooker, some woman who'd been sneering skeptically at them, and suddenly an illusion appears over her- her skin turns to the nasty shag carpet design. She shrieks at once and flees the crowd. The murmur becomes a buzz and a few of the people at the front begin throwing credits and coins their way, but more are scooting backwards, not sure what to do.

Lup waves a hand in front of herself, and a Mage Hand glides along the ground to scoop up the discarded credits, then brandishes a bag, glittery and bedazzled (as only befits a fashion god) and gestures pointedly towards it. "Anyone else feel like being spared?"

"The bigger the donation, the higher the salvation," Taako chimes in, whipping out a similar bag just in a different color.

There's a long pause as the residents debate their options, but another confused wail from the woman down the road gets a few people moving, dropping coins into the bags and fleeing the scene. They're not asking for much, they're not animals, but a little bit (from a lot of people) goes a long way!

Option A: Were you in the crowd when this all went down? Want to talk to Taako and Lup? They're both walking through the crowd now, so this is your chance to see the face-twins in action.

Option B: Is flying solo more your style? Which of them do you want to talk to: Taako or Lup?

Some time passes as they collect their bounty, and eventually a small group of more serious, burly viewers branch off and vanish into a shop. Lup watches them carefully, keeping her smile frozen in place as she gently shoos away a little girl trying to give her a single credit, because she's definitely not stealing from children. Those guys are probably going for weapons. Hey, Taako? I think that's our cue to make an exit.

Taako nods in agreement and tips his hat to the patrons nearby. He's gotten more than he expected today, so now it's time, as Lup says, for a flashy exit. There's no point in subtlety when the villagers are going for pitchforks. He puts his hands together and starts casting, light emanating from his fingers as he summons the only exit worth summoning. The light causes people to draw back from him and in their place, a beautiful, mulleted, rainbow-colored phantasm of a binicorn appears.

"Yo boss. It time to go?"

"You know it, Garyl. Lup! Let's hit it!"

There's an audible, delighted gasp from Lup, and without hesitation she hops onto the binicorn's back with Taako. With a loud whinny Garyl rears up on his hind legs, giving them one final opportunity for a dramatic pose (which they of course indulge) before Taako urges Garyl off at full speed, leaving behind them a rainbow of light. Before they vanish from sight, Lup, one arm wound around Taako's waist, blows the befuddled crowd a kiss. And just like that, they're gone again, with the now-armed local guard giving a futile chase behind them.


Option C: Catch them after their daring escape, laughing their asses off outside of the danger zone, or on the Iskaulit, perhaps over drinks?

Comments

[abracafcku]

[But of course. He sighs and downs the dregs of his drink, holding it up and out for someone to come pick it up. It's plucked from his fingers with a sigh and carted off along with the credits, soon to be replaced with two new drinks.]

This place is so full of useful stuff and then completely overflowing with absolute junk, but without anything that I actually need.

[Like his friends or his Umbra Staff (although he will not mention that one considering her umbrellacide earlier) or a way out of this goddamn nightmare world. But he'll just ignore mentioning any of that.]

Minus the clothes, of course.

[necromanswers]

Based on what we saw around town, the clothes in that back room might actually be the only stuff that nice. People don't normally throw away good clothes. Loads of metal and wires, though.

[So, y'know. It's good for those spells. And the fleet has a forge, which means making certain less complex items would be easy enough. She does quietly refrain from mentioning that part, though. Too close to offering to make him stuff.]

Best practice might just be to collect as much of this as possible- [She spins another credit between her fingers,] And save the shopping for a more fashion-conscious world.

[abracafcku]

[Loads of scrap, old half functioning appliances, and bucketfulls of junk is all he's really noticed. The danger of getting pancaked by falling debris has Taako avoiding a lot of the most active dump sites, but even then he's able to find a lot of useful stuff.]

Mm, yeah. I'm hoping for a drop of old fabric scraps, to be honest. Might be the only way to get anything worthwhile.

[Or more bead curtains. He can transmute the ugly plastic to something nicer easily enough.]

You thinking of hitting another arena match then?

[necromanswers]

Definitely considering it. It's not often I can get paid to set stuff on fire, after all, and who knows what the next planet might be like.

[Taako's an adventurer by trade, now, so he's lived that life, but she remembers their 100-year time loop where money meant nothing to anyone more often than not, and you don't get to do much when you're stuck in an umbrella for a decade, either. She has a lot of catching up to do.

Plus the whole got-my-body-back thing, that's nice. She's not a masochist or anything, but the real, physical impact of taking or giving a hit in the arena had made her feel more alive than ever.]

I'll let you know when I do, since it seemed to turn out so well for you last time.

[abracafcku]

You should definitely have been an adventurer then. [Taako chuckles as their drinks come and he haha over glad to Lup.] I get paid to do that all the time!

[Being a Red Robe seems like it doesn't come with a lot of benefits. Power? Sure. Style? Hella. But money? Ehhhhhh.

Taako swirls his glass, clinking the ice together. ]

But yeah, I'm not going in there, so if you decide to blow someone up again, drop me a line. I'm always up for some entertainment that benefits me.

[necromanswers]

[She snorts indelicately, taking a long swig of her fresh cocktail. Oh, the stories she could tell about her adventures. "I visited shhhkkkrkkkk and we fought a shrrrkkkkzzkzkk and we were rewarded with szzzrrkkkk." So much fun.

There's probably a backdoor around some things, but she'd already promised to try and stick to the now-and-future rather than prodding him about the past, so. Nevermind.]

I'm glad I can deliver, then. Got any requests? I can at least consider favouring a spell or two.

[A little olive branch in return for the ones he's been giving her here and there- if he wants to know what spells she might have in her book that he hasn't seen already.]

[abracafcku]

[A chance to learn more of her powers? That's very tempting only because Taako will heist her and drink with her, but that doesn't mean he trusts her. He still has that active alarm if she ever points her new focus at him, and despite letting her ride Garyl, he's not exactly going to be putting his back to her anytime soon.

He slides down to be more comfortable in his chair and thinks. Does he want to know what subtle magic she's capable of? Or the big flashy murder stuff? Taako is missing some valuable components for spells like Cloudkill, but that doesn't mean she is.

With a thoughtful hum, he decides.]

Something fun is all I request. Make 'em regret underestimating you.

[necromanswers]

[If she really wants to blow his mind, she could tell him how most of the really good high level spells she knows don't even require material components, or in other cases not ones difficult to come by. She still has a list, but a lot of what she looks for is as much for him as for her.]

I don't think meeting that requirement will be difficult at all, then. Although it might be nice to look a little intimidating for once.

[It's too bad going out there in her spectral lich form would probably scare the shit out of him at this point. The look on her opponents' faces would be amazing.]

[abracafcku]

This face?

[He uses one finger from his free hand to draw a circle around his face - which is hers]

Not meant for intimidation checks. We're more suited for charisma, or just blowing up whoever won't listen.

[Or Charming. He still wonders about Klarg to this day. That bugbear almost killed him, but he was so much fun (sometimes). ]

[necromanswers]

Yeah, but nobody said I couldn't change the face.

[With the way they're tearing through the locales on this planet, they might have to start doing that whether in the arena or not, before they leave the region.]

[abracafcku]

[Taako feigns horror at her suggestion.]

But why would you mess with perfection?

[He's used Disguise Self a ton since he stole from a bunch of stores already. Don't listen to him, Lup.]

[necromanswers]

[She knows this, which is why she absolutely isn't going to listen.]

Mostly to keep perfection out of jail, thanks. But also because I hear some of the arenas offer top dollar bets on monster fights, and Polymorph is a pretty cheap spell. That might make for a sweet heist, too.

[abracafcku]

We're more likely to be chased out of town than jailed. The response time back there was pathetic.

[Polymorphing into a giant beast might make the arenas bearable actually. Maybe an ogre or... That thing he saw in a scroll once with the big jaws and tiny arms.]

If you polymorph and fight, pleaaaaase call me. That's something I have to see.

[necromanswers]

I mean, yeah, sure, I could... or you could swing in with a tamed dragon in tow, looking to enter your familiar in the games.

[Because that would be rad as hell.]

[abracafcku]

[A tamed dragon. Oh my Istus, that's great.

But at the same time, he'd have to trust that Lup as a dragon wouldn't suddenly go fire-scorching his ass. The danger of being that close to a dragon automatically sets the hairs on the back of his neck into alarm mode, but the potential reward is very tempting.]

Only if I get to name the dragon.

[necromanswers]

[.....honey.

Honey.]

You want to name me?

[She shouldn't be surprised, but...]

[abracafcku]

I can't very well enter the contest like:

[He clears his throat, dropping his tone by an octave.]

"Yeah my name is Butch the Warlock and this here is my familiar, Lup. Yeah, it's the same name as that criminal running around burning her name on buildings and the one who won that other fight here the other day. Yeah tooootally no relation."

[necromanswers]

[She scoffs, one hand lifting to her mouth to try and keep it in, but she conceals it very poorly and after a few seconds she just bursts out laughing. His voices have always been absurd, so it's nice that some things don't change.]

H-haha, okay, okay, I get you. But you'd better pick a good one, or I'll eat your nicest hat.

[abracafcku]

You eat my hat and I'll put you in dragon time-out. No terrorizing villagers for a week.

Only soy meat for a month.

[And don't worry, Lup. Butch the Warlock is a master of names. Natch.]

[necromanswers]

...You're a monster. A terrible master. I should be the one entering you into the ring. No, I should report you for familial cruelty.

[Family and familiar, it works both ways.

She sticks her tongue out at him. Anyway, Polymorph only lasts an hour! A week is too much!]

[abracafcku]

Don't eat my hat then. It's been passed down in the Butch Family for generations.

[Or it was picked up a day ago. Who knows. Taako snorts and how voice returns normal.]

I'll find you a great name, don't worry.

[necromanswers]

Hmmmm. Well, alright.

[She's trusting you! This may or may not be a poor decision.]

Just remember that a misbehaving dragon reflects poorly on the master.

[abracafcku]

Eh. [Taako shrugs with the ghost of a smile on his lips]

Wouldn't be the first time something I was supposedly master of went haywire on me.

[Twice already his staff has tried to murder two people he didn't really dead. One was an accident maybe, by the second time? Definitely attempted murder.]

[necromanswers]

[....

Lup says nothing for a while at that, choosing instead to drain the rest of her cocktail, chewing idly on the little stick with a fruit on the end for a moment. Then she raises a hand and orders not one but two more rounds for herself.

She can hazard a guess at what he might mean- it's not a sure thing, but she'd been at his side for the majority of his adventuring with the others. It'd been dicey more than a few times, and she knows that her... interference... wasn't always helpful or especially welcome. She ought to apologize for that at some point, but then she'd have to admit why.

...oof. Hell, nah.]

How's this: I'll let you pick the kind of dragon. We'll need to colour-coordinate, after all.

[abracafcku]

[That's....



Weird.

He'd expected a snappy response, but got silence instead. What had he said? It should have been an offhand remark but...

Was it about the Staff? It had burned her name into the wall where Angus had been. Until meeting her "Lup" was just a weird word. Now it's the name of a Red Robe. Had the Staff been warning him about her?

But then why nearly kill Kravitz?

Taako nursed his drink as the waiter came by, possessively holding the glass to his chest. When she spoke again, he was ready for anything - and grateful they were back to lighter topics. The buzzing in the back of his skull wasn't loud, but it was enough.]

Mmm... I mean, if I can pick any type? Prismatic. I always wanted to see one of those when I wasn't in danger of getting eaten.