Fanmail Kiosk Strikes Again

[scalpelofmarmora]

Who: Ulaz and you!
Broadcast: Yes!
Action: anyone who might be on the Blameless
When: today



So... I decided I would finally check this fanmail kiosk. Let's see what has been said.

First one: "You are my favorite cat person" ... thank you... for that. I can say I have never been told that before.

Second one: "How do you keep your fur so nice and smooth?"

[He's really trying not to give the communicator a weird look for the cat questions]

It's not that long to begin with so it usually doesn't get too out of hand. Taking care of it helps, keeping it clean, occasionally with something if it becomes dry. Biffy has been a big help with finding the products.

[Shameless plug for Biffy...]

Third: "Like Z.O.M.G. Uliro is my O.T.P" ... I think I will need help translating this one.

Fourth: "Do you ever get a stiff neck from having to duck through all the doorways all the time?" Yes, I do. It is hard when the ship is not designed for your height. There isn't much to be done about it I'm afraid.

Fifth: "Is everything proportional?" ... Is everything proportional?

[There's a very faint sound like someone trying to whisper the explanation to him. He does also glance over in that direction before turning back]

I haven't noticed any fruit that is larger than a household chair so I'd assume everything is proportional.

I think that's all the questions I have time to answer at the moment. Thank you.

[And right before he cuts the video feed there's the sound of someone saying "that's not wha-" ... but then it's gone]

[ooc: Kirk is the background whispering]

Comments

[video]

[the_tailor]

[Lance knows plenty about acronyms and internet talk!]

Well, "o.m.g" stands for oh my god, the z is just added to make it cutesy. And...uh.

[He's familiar with portmanteaus, and it doesn't take a genius to figure out the rest of the statement.]

O.T.P means one true pairing, which uh... Basically, a person thinks two people would be a good couple.

[And okay, day by day he's agreeing more with that fanmail, but!]

[video]

[scalpelofmarmora]

[oh good someone who can actually translate this. he listens patiently as Lance explains it to him]

Okay, so that explains those. Why though would they tell me something about "one true pairing"?

[Nope, he understood all the other fanmails but has not yet figured out THAT word]

[Video]

[padadin]

[He's just... gonna ignore that last part, yeah. No point in making it worse. Besides, it was very rude. Wouldn't the fans see them showering anyway?]

A stiff neck, huh? I should've noticed that before. I hope it isn't very annoying. Do you get bad pain? Is anything else you need fixed to your size? Chairs, maybe?

[Video]

[scalpelofmarmora]

[Of course Shiro goes for the "teammate is hurting" one]

It is not something I worry about. I exercise to stretch out and it helps so it doesn't last long. A taller chair would be easier though.

[Video]

[padadin]

[And nobody is surprised!]

That's good to hear. But even if it doesn't worry you, we can fix what is fixable. If we land on an appropriate system next, we can get some customize items for you. Chair is a given. Do you need a better bed too?

[Video]

[scalpelofmarmora]

[Of course. Ulaz certainly isn't, but at the same time he is... because he forgets here others did care]

A longer bed would be appreciated if possible. Make it a little easier.

[Video]

[padadin]

A bed it is. That's simple enough, our luck would have to be awful to arrive to a planet with no beds.

[Considering Atroma and their tastes, Shiro wouldn't be surprised if they do arrive to such a place.]

Anything else? What about tools? Do you need them to be bigger?

[Video]

[scalpelofmarmora]

Unless it is entirely in the middle of nowhere, there may be options.

[He has the briefest thought if there are to ask Biffy for his opinion so that the bed matches the rest of the decor]

The tools I can manage. They are not so small as to be impossible.

[tempredmental]

Why are they asking about proportions? Proportions of what?

[scalpelofmarmora]

[Really? Even he got it]

The proportions of ones self. The belief that if someone is taller or shorter other things should follow.

[He'll see that helps]

[tempredmental]

.....

But... that would just make sense. Of course other stuff would be bigger or smaller.

Why would they ask about that?

[scalpelofmarmora]

[Really? And he has a boyfriend]

Yes... it would make sense, but not always.

Think about your relationship with Lance. Something you might not want to admit.

[tempredmental]

There's a lot I don't really like to admit...

[He might be a little embarrassed here.]

You'll have to narrow that down.

[scalpelofmarmora]

To quote Kogarasumaru, it's an "odd fascination with anatomy for sexual purposes".

Video

[dandyofawolf]

[Everything about his face says that he's trying SO HARD NOT TO LAUGH.

Even despite that? He looks so impish as he practically grins. Especially after hearing what OTP means from Lance's response.]

I have an idea of what Uliro is.

[He may not know about memes and shipping and all that but he can gather what that means after learning what OTP means.]

Video

[scalpelofmarmora]

[Oh sure, very helpful, Biffy. And after he gave you a plug in the post]

Really? What do you think it is?

[dandyofawolf]

[Shhhhhh. He's HELPING since you gave him such a nice plug.]

I believe it to be a combination of a pair of names for an endearing appreciation of seeing two people together.

[scalpelofmarmora]

Is it? Then what could it be?

[Please wait... the next available agent will be with you shortly]

Ulaz... and Shiro?

[dandyofawolf]

I do believe that is exactly what it is.

[scalpelofmarmora]

Why would they think that we make a couple?

Video

[crow_dad]

[Hey. Yo. Your dad is here.]

People have such an odd fascination with anatomy for sexual purposes.

[Yeah...he's just gonna say it.]

Video

[scalpelofmarmora]

[Hi, sword dad]

That they do. And the fact that they will ask so blatantly.

[crow_dad]

They will hardly have the chance to bed you so it really matters very little.

[scalpelofmarmora]

[Oh, Koga too]

No. They will not. Somehow it does still interest them.

[crow_dad]

[He just understands how minds like that work. He's watched it for too long.]

It does appear so.

[He smiles some then shakes his head a little.]

Is there a way to do construction on the ship you live on to make it fit you better?