driftfleet | [ video + action ] in this world now I am undying ( iw update )

Entry tags:

[ video + action ] in this world now I am undying ( iw update )

Who: Loki + You
Broadcast: Yes!
Action: SS First Breath
When: Right now!

( feed: action )

[ the feed turns on and you're not sure why. all is quiet on the ship front. there doesn't seem to be much activity on the first breath, even this late. all is silent. until you hear a crackle. suddenly ice speeds its way over the walls, ceilings and floors of the ship, instantly freezing everything along its path. everything is coated in silvery, sharp ice, cold to the touch.

and for a moment, a shrill scream echoes throughout the ship before going quiet with the feed. ]

( much later: video )

[ loki turns the feed on. he looks queasy and ready to drop off right then and there, but he clears his throat, coughing as it hurts. ]

My apologies. It seems I lost control of my magic. I will immediately see to any repairs. But perhaps people coming by should mind their step in the meantime.

[ he looks like he has more to say, but he ducks his head, turning off the feed. ]

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[ thor, thor, thor. alive and well. his fingers scramble to find purchase around thor, even as loki lets out an ugly sob that shakes him to the core. no crying, loki tries to tell himself, you got what you deserve, what you've always deserved, but at least, at least — but it was hard to stop as he buries his head against his brother's chest, relief sapping away any energy he might have had left. ]

[A tremor runs through Thor and his arms tighten around Loki. His own tears fall easily as they always do at times like this. Every time. Every time Loki dies.

It never gets easier. Thor never comes to expect it, to guard his heart against the sheer stabbing pain of loss when his brother dies. This time it had even felt worse, more desolate than before. To have come this far out of the ashes of Asgard and have Loki come back to him, only for a mad tyrant to appear and decimate it all... how does he come back from that?

Every time Loki died Thor had turned to the others around him. This time, he had been alone.]

You're here.

[It's muffled and rough with tears, rubbed raw with relief.]

[ for how long? how long until their captors decide he has run out of use? and loki knows, he knows that eventually, everyone runs out of use for him. what would he return to? if there is anything to return to at all. this feels purgatorial. easily taken away.

but loki says none of that, closing his eyes and resting against his brother's chest, listening to his heartbeat, steady as drums, steadier than anything in loki's body right now, strung out and fragile, ready to snap. ]

For you.

[The same thought dances ominously at the edges of Thor's awareness, like a sword poised above his head. One he chooses to ignore in this instant, tormented enough with the grief and guilt of the last few hours.

A sharp huff explodes out of him.]

You idiot. [Gruffly, and maybe he could choose better words but he never did become adept at choosing what he said first.] You just had to choose then to be brave.

[It had made the whole thing more nightmarish. When the knife materialised in Loki's hand Thor had understood but hadn't quite believed it. Thanos had made his might known with brutal force to both of them.]

[ he could remember the way his limbs shaking back then. the deep breath before the plunge. thanos was the one who put nightmares in his head, who had scoured his bones. who had put the fear in his body.

and even then, even then, nothing had scared loki more than the idea of thor's death, of living in a reality where thor was no more. softly: ]

I have never been brave. I have never — [ never managed to get far enough to be good, to be worthy. always crushed before he could start. ] — I can't do it.

[That's enough to get Thor drawing back a bit, frowning down at Loki's head.]

No, you-- it was. I know it was. [Especially with what Thor knows about Thanos now... from his own experience, and from Loki's own admissions.] It was foolish but it was brave.

[ loki isn't convinced and he's not meeting thor's eyes. ]

He would have killed you.

[He may as well have, Thor thinks in silence, feeling the tension crawl through his shoulders. But it wasn't meant to be. A lot of things happened that weren't meant to be.]

It shouldn't be one or the other.

[No, the only one who should have died over another was Thanos himself. That didn't happen, and then... a sharp shake of the head and Thor just pulls Loki in again.

It shouldn't have been Loki. It shouldn't have been any of them.]

[ odin had said once wherever you go, you leave death, destruction and ruin. and yet, and yet, loki wasn't ready to die. not this time. he didn't want to go. he wanted to see thor's kingdom, their kingdom. he wanted to help it grow, he wanted to be more.

but that was foolish, wasn't it?

loki tucks his head under thor's chin. ]

For Thanos, it is always that way.

[He wants to snarl in response, curse the Titan's name as though he can rip flesh from his bones by pure sentiment alone. It's pointless however - across time and reality, Thanos is even more out of reach than he had been mere hours again. Vanishing into nothing after his horrifying task had been completed while Thor stood useless.

The angry tension still makes itself known as Thor's hands reflexively ball into fists against Loki's back.]

The axe. I made it to kill him with.

[ the axe? it takes him a moment to catch up to that train of thought before he shifts, looking up at thor. ]

The one you received here. Was it truly from Nidavellir then?

Yes, it was. I went there myself after-- after.

[He can't bring himself to describe it yet.]

Thanos had already been there.

[ ah. it makes sense. nidavellir produced weapons that rivaled all others. thanos being there means the dwarves were gone. loki never liked them, but he never wanted that wrath visited upon them. ]

What did you do afterwards?

I went to Earth. I knew he would go there to get the Stones.

["There are two Stones on Earth" Thanos had said amongst the fire on the Statesman. What Thor hadn't anticipated was reaching Thanos only to find he already had all six.

--he's glad that their position means Loki can't see his face. To think of Earth is to think of what happened next.]

[ as loki had predicted. two stones on earth made it a siren call and thanos would have immediately headed to earth. it would not have escaped the carnage. still, loki isn't going to mention that. he presses himself closer instead, still grateful that thor is here. ]

I'm sorry.

[Thor shakes his head, closing his eyes on the ruin he feels.]

No. I am.

[Loki had been killed. There's no call for apologies from the dead. It's the living that carry the blame with them.]

Thor . . .

[ what should he say? it wasn't thor's fault. it was certainly loki's. instead he shifts, pulling thor to rest against him instead. ]

I'm here.

[For all that he doesn't deserve comfort, feels that he might just break apart if he's consoled like this, Thor doesn't pull away from it either. He doesn't have the strength or desire to stand alone right now.

And he is alone. Was.

There are things he ought to tell Loki, who deserves to know how it all ended. He should tell him how far the axe went, how hard he drove it into Thanos's chest for his sake, for all the Asgardians. How big of a mistake it had been to want that vengeance. He finds his throat grows tight at the idea and just-- doesn't. Not right now. There will be time enough to examine the fall out later.

After a short span Thor does move again though, pulling back to try and get a better look at Loki's neck.]

You-- are you still injured?

[ loki isn't too concerned about what came after. which is petty of him. but he has little to care for beyond thor. no matter how great thor's sorrow is and loki can see that it is great, he is still alive. still here. untouched by thanos, despite all odds. the one thing loki has done right.

at thor's words, his fingers once again brush against his throat and he winces at the sting. ]

Just bruising. It'll heal soon enough.

[It's hard to look at it without hearing that awful crunch in his mind again, the dead thump of Loki's body that followed. Thor clenches his jaw and focuses on the here and the now. The still-living Loki in front of him.]

Even so, we should get some-- [He stops abruptly, looking around the room. He finishes his thought with dwindling enthusiasm.] ...some ice.

[ loki gives thor a wan smile. ]

I don't think it will help me much.

[ the underlying sentiment I don't think anything will can be heard. ]

[Judging by the pressed line of Thor's lips and the wince in his eyes, he heard it to. But he refuses to acknowledge it out loud.]

Painkillers then.

[ loki brushes his fingers against thor's eye, the new one before dropping his hand. ]

All right. It still aches, but the worst has passed.

[It doesn't match his natural eye at all, making the change all the more glaring. Thor manages a weak smile at that, thankful that Loki will take something for the injury.]

Okay. [With a sigh, he looks around at the ice.] This will fade on its own.

[Or melt. One or the other.]

I'm not letting my — [ loki frowns, not sure what to say. my death?. but he exhales, calming himself. ] — what happened to me harm my ship.

He's taken enough from me.

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