losing it hurt the first time

[somakemelaugh]

Who: Undertaker and WHOEVER!
Broadcast: Video
Action: On the Goldstone, in the lab where Undertaker works
When: Naow


The loss of 20/20 vision had been a crippling thing when his life ended all that time ago and Undertaker found himself thrown to the mercies of the afterlife and what awaited him upon his suicide. No one needed to explain it to him then, but it was a form of control enacted by the gods, designed to keep everyone who followed those same footsteps in check. By degrading vision, something people relied on heavily, and giving them a singular means to correct it, the higher ups were assured that those under their employ would follow the rules.

Only they hadn't counted on Undertaker and what he did to bend those rules. Those first few weeks after his escape had been painful, to say the least. First with the injuries that led to his many scars, then to the headaches as he taught himself painstakingly to live without spectacles. Oh, it hadn't been easy, but it had all been necessary.

Now, it was necessary again, and all in the opposite direction. He was well aware of what he had been missing, forcing himself to cope with only half of the sight he should have had, and what he paid for in the wonders around him, he gained independence. Getting it all back, having his sight not only corrected, but improved, now that one hurt. He had tried to tolerate it, tried to fight through it. But it's quite clear to anyone who comes across him or views the footage that he's having a time of it.

Every few moments, he has to stop what he's doing and cover his eyes. This happens several times before he stops completely and feels his way to a seat in the lab and just sits there, face in both hands, and groans aloud where he thinks no one can hear him.

Poor him. If only he knew...

Comments

[sweetlies]

[He's not sure he'd ever seen Undertaker in pain. He'd hidden it well in Riverview when he'd tested the scar removal procedure before letting the boy have his removed.

Ciel makes a face, watching him chew that pill. He'd taken it a couple times in Riverview, never like that, but one of the pills had touched his tongue briefly and he remembers clearly how bitter and miserable it had tasted. He'd vowed to make sure to take large gulps of water any other time he needed anything.]

Are you alright? [Don't think he hadn't noticed that Undertaker's eyes hadn't opened.] I could make some tea if you want.

[somakemelaugh]

[There's a soft sound of acknowledgement from him. He doesn't dare move his head again for a little while, not until the pain killer has kicked in. But he does grin and follow up with a chuckle.]

I seem to have... forgotten what this is like. [At risk of hurting himself again, he lifts a hand and looks over at Ciel, just to see him clearly at even this distance for the first time ever. It only lasts a moment before he hides his eyes again.] And that as well.

[sweetlies]

[He still doesn't completely understand so he comes over and takes a seat near him after her peeks over at the teen. It's still a bit confusing but he's putting some of the dots together.

He knows its his eyes, at least. He'd gotten headaches when he'd first made his contract with Sebastian and had to adjust to using one eye.]

Maybe a cool cloth over your eyes? You can lay down a bit, I'll sit here and let you know if anyone comes in.

[somakemelaugh]

[He shakes his head, very slowly. The clinic is very, very slow these days, as he had expected it to be since the crew is small and getting smaller by the day, it seems. But he would still rather be here in case he's needed.]

Give it a little more time. I need to be here, but I do appreciate your assistance, milord... Was there something you needed?

[sweetlies]

[It has gotten quite small and, much as Ciel appreciates having fewer people to cook for (which means less complaints), it is a bit concerning. What happens when the ship no longer has enough of a crew to sustain it?]

You could lay down in here, I'm sure. [But he won't push. Undertaker, he trusts, knows his limits and whether or not he can handle this.] I wanted to tell you-

The kitchen got an upgrade. More ingredients, and my augment has new information for pastries and such.

[somakemelaugh]

[Really though, he's just being stubborn. This isn't anything he hasn't been through before, but it wasn't as bad back then. He'd also been going in the opposite direction with his vision though. No wonder.]

Oh? Well, congratulations are in order. I'll have to stop by and see for myself, once I've adjusted to these new eyes of mine.

[sweetlies]

New eyes?

[Stubborn old reaper- but he supposes he can't blame him. How long ago had Undertaker left the other reapers? How long had he gone without his glasses? It's a little strange to think of Undertaker seeing clearly but he won't say he isn't happy.]

You probably should rest then. The kitchen and everything else will still be here when you feel better.

[somakemelaugh]

[Very, very stubborn. He'd never tried to get his sight back because it would have been pointless to rely on a sense that relied on something that could be taken away in an instant. But now that his vision can be a part of him, something that would have to be ripped from his body, not an easy task...]

I am resting, I am. There's no one here, but I need to be here.

[sweetlies]

[And they both know that there are few, possibly no, people who would be capable of really hurting Undertaker. Ciel just worries for him now.]

You could lay on one of the beds. I'll stay and tell you if anyone comes in. I'm not needed in the kitchen right now anyway, I have time.

[somakemelaugh]

[He could lie down. It wouldn't hurt him, but it wouldn't help his want for a nap, especially when the medicine starts to kick in.]

Milord, you tempt me too harshly. [It is horrible, it really is, to be tempted by such things. Especially when he tries to look out again, testing himself, and finds it no better.]

[sweetlies]

Of course I am. [He can't help a soft laugh and a smile. After all that Undertaker has done to look after and help him, including resting when he wasn't well, he wasn't about to let him get away with it.]

It won't hurt anything. And I won't let you miss anything or anyone. Promise.

[somakemelaugh]

[He grins and there's a soft sound that could be a laugh somewhere. Maybe.]

Just like milord to be cruel about it.

[But he does finally give in and rises from the chair to go stretch himself out over the examination table.] I'm not going to sleep though. Don't even think about it.

[sweetlies]

[There's another little laugh and just the gentlest of nudges as he moves to the table.]

Oh no, I wouldn't. [He already has, if the grin is anything to go by.] I'll be right here, nothing it going without being looked after. Not even you.

[somakemelaugh]

[Shooed away from his post by a teenager. What's the world coming to? But he won't fight it, and he curls on his side and reaches up to drag his hair over his face so he doesn't have to look out unless he wants to. He'll still have to make himself adjust to the new clarity of it all, but that will come once this headache vanishes.]

You're too kind, milord.

[sweetlies]

[Of course, he was. If Undertaker was always looking after him, someone had to look after Undertaker. And he wanted to do that for him, especially after all they've been through together.]

I'm not sure about that. I just care about you, is all.

[somakemelaugh]

[The hair wasn't quite enough, so he lifted an arm to drape over his eyes as well and block out the light. There, that did it.]

See? Just as I said. Too kind. [Caring about him. Really.]

[sweetlies]

[There's a little shake of his head as he watches the reaper. And then goes to find a cloth and runs some cold water, soaking it a bit and wringing out the excess before going to Undertaker's side.]

This will help. I don't know what it's like for you exactly, but I know I had a few headaches when I was adjusting to using one eye.

[somakemelaugh]

[He can hear the boy moving around, hear the water running, and can't help but look up again to see what Ciel is doing. And it draws a smile from him as he takes that cloth and settles it over his forehead and eyes.]

Thank you, my lord. Can't say this is like that, but I do know it hurts. It'll be done soon, don't you worry.

[sweetlies]

I'll try not to. [He's knows, deep down, that Undertaker will be fine. He's always been invincible from the teens perspective. When he was young, one the Campania, at Weston, in Riverview, and now.]

I just know that helped me a little. So a little extra relief couldn't hurt, right?

[somakemelaugh]

[His Earl, holding so much faith in him now. This boy really has grown quite a bit.]

I'll take it where I can get it now. It isn't going to last forever, but it will bugger me while it can.

[sweetlies]

[He had. And that's, in no small part, thanks to Undertaker. He'd been patient with him and took care of him. And made sure he had the chances to make friends.]

I know but while it does, you can count on me to help you. So you can take it easy a while.

[somakemelaugh]

[He sighs quietly and nestles into the pillowing under his head.]

It's strange, being the one cared for. I can't say I recall anything like it since I killed myself. [Maybe it's just the pain or that he's starting to feel a little relief from it, but he's feeling a little vulnerable, a little more willing to talk.]

[sweetlies]

[Ciel watches him for a moment, gaze softening a little. It's not often he hears, or sees, Undertaker like this.]

Everyone needs someone to care for them. You have me now. Just like I have you.

And everyone in the fleet so far seems decent. If we ever both need help, I'm sure someone will.

[somakemelaugh]

[He has the cloth over his eyes still, and it's warmed with his skin, but he leaves it there, fingers from his free hand rubbing a bit of the pillow casing between his fingers.]

Is that so? You know, I stop to think about it every time I see you, but I don't think I've mentioned enough just how much you've changed, milord. Wasn't it a year ago? Two? We were, one of us at least, completely different people.

[sweetlies]

Changed-?

[He opens his mouth to deny it but stops with barely a breath coming out. And closes his mouth as he thinks back. He'd been so suspicious of Undertaker at first. But that felt like a lifetime ago.] Almost two years, I think?

[His cheeks turn a little red.] I guess I have. A bit.

[More than a bit.]