When We're Rollin Through the Wild Wild West

[geonomy]

Who: Everyone! EVERYONE!
Broadcast: IF YOU WANNA
Action: Everywhere! EVERYWHERE!
When: Mid-September - Mid-October

[How's your ship doing, pardners? Is it still pretty damaged? Is it glitching out hardcore? Well, there is one place to land to take care of all that, and that's on a dusty old moon in front of a planet that no one wants to go to. On this moon, you'll find a civilization that looks a lot like one's stepped into a wild west movie, hardened cowpolk and mutant horses and all. Will you become a vigilante, hunting bounties and stopping gangs from doing their dirty work? Will you go exploring planetside, with a cowboy hat and a stalk of wheat in your mouth to complete the look? Good luck with that; there is no wheat. This town ain't big enough for all you flooters, but make it so! For the ratings!

In other words, it's a planet mingle! Get 'er done!]

[September Planet info here]

Comments

[nextlineis]

a. magpie tendencies

[So, Joseph is making a point of getting something from every planet they visit. Technically this is a moon, but he doesn't see why it shouldn't still count. Oh, did I mention that this isn't necessarily for him? Because it probably isn't.]

What the hell is with all the chickens?

[Valid question here. Not that he understands why there are so many pots here in the first place. Like is this seriously all you guys are capable of making? But why is it a chicken? And oh...]

[That sound of a pot breaking was definitely not Joseph. Uh...it was...the wind. Excuse him, he'll just be...OH THAT'S INO CALLING HIM, HE THINKS. MAYBE MAL. OR LITERALLY ANYONE. BYE.]

b. the secret joestar technique; closed

[Joseph isn't that bad at a con. He runs his mouth enough that most people don't notice he's got a few extra cards up his sleeve or they don't think he's smart enough to card count when he's not the dealer. He's actually managed to keep this charade up for quite a while, cashing in on quite the stack of money. But people with a foul temper don't take kindly to losing and especially not being cheated.]

[Which is why Joseph comes flying out of the saloon, hauling ass. He could have taken three of them on his own maybe, but there's six, possibly seven after him right now. Those odds definitely aren't in his favor, so he's trying to think while his legs carry him as far away as quickly as possible. It seems his technique's done it again, however, as he sees Caesar in the distance. He doesn't call to him. He just picks up the pace, grabbing Caesar by the shirt and pulling him around a corner. He none-too-gently pushes Caesar against the building and covers his mouth with a hand.]

[A moment ago, he was pretty concerned he was about to get his ass handed to him or worse. But now Joseph is grinning crookedly.]

c. choose your own adventure!

[Joseph's probably up for whatever bullshit shenanigans you wanna get into. Or maybe he's trying to convince you. We just don't know.]

b for bbbboh my god joseph

[mylegacy]

[Caesar didn't ask for this. He's still exploring the moon at this point, hasn't made any inroads into talking to people yet. Admittedly he feels more or less at home here; it's more like the alleys back home than anything's been in a while, and it would be a relief to allow himself to let off a little steam.]

[Which is not to say he's asking to be thrown against a building - by anyone, much less by Joseph. Not that he recognizes who it is at first. All he sees is a blur, and then there's a tug on his shirt and he's slammed up against the wall.]

[He scrambles for balance, grabbing at Joseph's wrist, and it's halfway through doing this that he recognizes who's got him pushed against the wall. Good in that he's not actually being attacked, less good in that Joseph's grinning at him, that his hand is pressed against his mouth, that he's incredibly close, his hand still fisted in Caesar's shirt.]

[Caesar's eyes widen, and he opens his mouth behind Joseph's hand to say something - get off, what the hell - but he can't seem to get words out, just digs his fingers into Joseph's wrist and tries to remember how to breathe.]

[nextlineis]

[Joseph lets go of Caesar's shirt to put a finger to his lips. He doesn't realize that Caesar's voice is caught in his throat, expecting any moment for Caesar to shove him off, hit him, or otherwise start making a lot of noise. He lowers his finger and speaks in a low voice, glancing back at the entrance to the alley.]

Man, am I glad to see you, Caesarino! I uh...might have made a tiny mistake. [Joseph takes his hand off Caesar's mouth.] Mind helping me out?

[mylegacy]

[Drawing back, like he should have done the second Joseph grabbed him, Caesar frowns and shakes his head mutely. He doesn't want to help, he wants Joseph to go away.]

[After a moment, he seems to remember himself, mostly, and smacks Joseph's forehead with the heel of his hand.]

What-- [He presses his lips together, clears his throat.] What did you do?

[nextlineis]

[Joseph's eyes snap shut at the smack and he lets out a soft grunt. Rude. Joseph's lips twist into a frown while he rubs at his forehead for a moment. He only opens one of his eyes to look at Caesar.]

I might have been cheating at cards. I didn't get caught though! There's no way they could prove it.

[mylegacy]

Jojo.

[He groans, then reaches up to smack him again.]

They don't have to prove it if there are enough of them. They just have to hit you with things.

[Which . . . actually . . .]

[He frowns sharply and grabs Joseph by the shoulder.]

Did they hurt you? Where are they?

[nextlineis]

What the hell do you mean did they hurt me after you keep hitting me? [You are so rude, Caesar A. Zeppeli. Fucking rude. Joseph rubs the new sore spot and rolls his eyes.] Why are you so worried?

[What a good question, Jojo. Maybe you should think about that. No? Alright...]

Do I look hurt to you? I got the hell out of there the second things started. [He starts grinning again, putting a hand to his chin.] They're probably trying to catch up if they were still following me. I'm sure they don't have any idea where the hell I am at this point.

[mylegacy]

[Why is he so worried. That's almost enough to make Caesar slap him again. He has literally never met anyone this stupid before in his life. He holds Joseph away from him by his shoulder, looks him up and down, since getting a straight answer out of him is apparently impossible, and after a moment decides he's probably fine.]

Why aren't you still running? They could still find you. You should be moving, not manhandling me.

[Because he definitely didn't enjoy it at all.]

[nextlineis]

Hey, I never run away from a fight, you know that!

[It was clearly a strategic retreat, okay. Not that Joseph knew where Caesar was or that he was going to run into him, mind you, but it all worked out anyway.]

Anyway, there's no need to run now that I've found my partner. [A beat before,] Right?

[Because this would be an incredibly shitty time to try and teach Joseph a lesson if you ask him. Not that he enjoys any of those harsher lessons, but this one would be simply far too much. There's just no way Caesar would leave him on his own now. He's sure of it.]

[By at least 85%.]

A!

[survives]

[She heard that.]

I dunno. Did the chickens break that?

[nextlineis]

Yes.

[Were you expecting another answer? Because...]

[survives]

[--Yeah, she probably should have expected that.]

...Oh. [She frowns, nose wrinkled.] But they're chickens! They're so...

...Small?

[She has never seen a chicken before very recently, she has no idea.]

[nextlineis]

These aren't Earth chickens, you know. Who knows how big alien chickens are?

[HE IS JUST GOING TO CONTINUE TO ROLL WITH THIS LIE, THANK YOU.]

[survives]

[Oh boy, oh boy. He's got a point. What does she know about chickens in space?! About chickens in general?!]

Seriously?! I... But you saw them, right? When they broke that?

[HOOK, LINE, AND SINKER.]

[nextlineis]

[...Holy shit, she's buying it. Keep it going, Jojo. Keep it going!]

[He maintains perfect confidence in every word he's saying.]

Hell no! You think I got a death wish?

You should never look a chicken in the eye. That's how you piss them off and they go on the attack.

[survives]

[How did it go from breaking pots to this?!]

B-but... I thought... [She shakes her head, taking a step back. Her voice is definitely not higher now, nooope.] Have you seen it happen? Nobody ever said they were that dangerous!

[nextlineis]

Absolutely! There's actually a guy here on the Fleet who's survived not once, but twice against 'em. [He points to both sides of his head where Caesar typically wears his feather accessories.] Wears their feathers from the ones he's killed in a fight and everything. I didn't see the first one, but I saw the second one and...

[Joseph shakes his head like he'll never get the images out of his head so long as he lives.]

Anyway, he goes by the name of Caesar. But who knows if that's really his name. He's a real mysterious guy and doesn't talk too much. You can bet though, any chicken comes around where he is, he'll put it down.

a!

[experiencepoints]

[While Joseph's busy with chickens, Nightingale's going to approach him, ignoring the breaking pot.]

Hey.

[nextlineis]

[Joseph immediately covers her mouth and puts a finger to his lips. DON'T DRAW ATTENTION TO HIM, GIRL. WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?]

[experiencepoints]

[Pulls on Joseph's arm, continuing to make noise.]

[nextlineis]

Oh my God! What is wrong with you?

[He's just going to be picking you up now, Nightingale. You're coming with him outside and he's just gonna hoof it.]

[experiencepoints]

[She struggles a bit, but it's the half-assed struggle of someone who knows it's totally futile, and is only doing it for appearance's sake.]

I could ask you the same! I have something important to talk to you about, you know!

[nextlineis]

What the hell could be so important you want to strike up a conversation in a break-it-you-buy-it store!?

[Nightingale, gurl, p l e a s e. He's going to get a little bit further from the store before he's willing to stop and set her back down on the ground.]

[experiencepoints]

[She immediately steps back and starts smoothing down the skirt of her dress.]

Okay, first of all, be careful with the skirt when you do that, I don't exactly want to flash everyone around. Second, I'm apparently not part of the Caprine anymore.

[... yeah, she just added that like an afterthought, good job Nightingale.]

[nextlineis]

[He's about to say something about the skirt issue, but then she says she's not part of the Caprine.]

You're what?