004 ↯ audio

[feathery]

Who: Davesprite and whoever.
Broadcast: Fleetwide
Action: Indoors, moonside.
When: Now sounds good.

[Someone is done to death with masks and getting accosted by randos on the street. Thus, Davesprite has taken refuge indoors, since that's as good as it gets short of returning to the ships. He'd normally opt for text, but he honestly just wants to talk for a while. Even if his voice is equal parts bored and sullen.]

Sportball ambushes on the street are great and all, [it probably isn't possible for him to sound more sarcastic] but I got to ponder the selection happening in this contaminated stain on the face of space. Like, sure, there are "strategy games" [yes, those are actual, audible air quotes], but where my real battles at. You know, the wordplay variety, where you drop a witticism to a sick beat and slant it to rhyme. Twist that shit into ill verse and cause some deadly delirium not even the most decorated doctor could cure. Dude could be veteran to World War Disease and still find himself stymied by this nasty flow that makes even the gutsiest guerilla fold. Ain't a medic around who can mend my rap battle burns.

[A beat.]

So, yeah, maybe I'm only pissed about moon pollution central 'cause all these hostile idiots keep hailing me out of the blue and yet: not a single fuckin' rap battle. [This is definitely not the only reason he's pissed about moon pollution central, but priorities.] What's a guy got to do, besides deck himself out in a shitty respirator and biohazard costume. A live performance? God, this is stupid.

Comments

[feathery]

Do I look like Captain Planet.

[frigidaire]

You're a captain. [ he's being totally genuine, okay. ] You should be able to rap about anything.

[feathery]

Just because I can rap about anything doesn't mean I should. I've got to use my powers for something less sinister than pretending to be the overblown clusterfuck that ensues when Earth's four elements and heart decide to get jiggy with it.

[frigidaire]

Okay, you lost me. [ a pause. ] So do you have superpowers or not?

[feathery]

Are you being serious right now. Like for real, dude.

[Look at him, he's part birdghost freak.]

[frigidaire]

Yeah. I mean, you could just be some weird bird okay. You did that weird running thing. I don't know. I try not to make assumptions. Mostly.

[feathery]

[DEEP SIGH.]

Yes, Isaac. Yes, I have superpowers.

[His voice is so flat.]

[frigidaire]

[ Oh if only he could see Isaac's face. Maybe the incredulity is in his voice, too, since I forgot this is an audio thread. ]

Right. I don't believe you.

[feathery]

Oh my god. Why did you even ask in the first place.

[He'd roll his eyes so intensely if they were having this conversation in person.]

[frigidaire]

I mean you said you have powers. Like, rap powers, I guess, but I've heard your raps and some of them are pretty weird. But if you have some weird other powers besides the fast running thing, then you better fess up.

[ He's partly egging Davesprite on, the other part curious. ]

[feathery]

Wasting my time to list all the assorted powers you probably won't even believe I have is a dumb idea. But yeah, sure, why not. My ornery rhymes are the most potent ones I got yet.

[frigidaire]

Your rhymes are definitely something. I don't know if potent is the right word though.

[feathery]

Don't be hatin'. You won't even rap with me; it's fucking barbaric.

[frigidaire]

[ this guy is so embarrassing. ]

I don't know you. Who are you? Sorry, got the wrong guy.

[feathery]

You could remedy this whole situation by rapping with me, you filthy philistine. You don't even have to make it up, I got a book you can use for reference.

[frigidaire]

What did you call me? A filthy what? I'm not rapping. Book or not.

[feathery]

Come on, dude. I know you're at least as bored and as sick of this goddamn moon unit as me.

[frigidaire]

Pretty sick of it. You're really gonna make me rap aren't you.

[feathery]

I don't see you doing anything else.

[He says from like the other side of the room or something, lbr.]

[frigidaire]

[ Isaac is just going to ignore him, across the room or not. ]

I like big butts and I cannot lie.
You other brothers can't deny -- I don't know the rest. There.

[ in this, please read: i hate you. ]

[feathery]

That doesn't even count. There were like two rhymes in that.

[In this, please read: long suffering indignation.]

Come on, I know you know all the words to the Taco Bell rap.

[frigidaire]

Rob the taco planet and ask ‘em for a refill.
Hey this is... ILizzle
Listen up all y'all,
I'm winning tacos just because of this gumball.

[ Now he's gonna give you a look Bird Man, because gumballs. Who cares about secret locked up cargo, no big deal... ]

I put chalupas where my mouth is.
So watch this.
Because I'm the dopest werewolf that you've ever messed with.

[ no. Isaac is fine, the mun is having an existential crisis. nbd. ]

[feathery]

[Davesprite flips Isaac off at the gumball part.]

Was that so fucking hard. I'm not asking for Tupac here. The next step is an actual rap battle, fyi.

[frigidaire]

That was stupid. I'm not doing a rap battle with you. You have enough raps to battle yourself. You don't need me for that.

[feathery]

Are you even listening to yourself right now. I can't rap battle myself. Not without invoking some dumbass time travel clause and no way is that happening.