driftfleet | Tourist, May I?

[ why is the kissing always stopping ]

Well, I mean the Phantom Zone's a region of space where time doesn't pass, right? And people go back like time hasn't passed for them - at home or here - at least that's what it sounded like? I mean I could be wrong, it's hard to tell if you're a couple-months-to-a-year older - but if they pick things up where they left them it just sort of...adds up?

[Is this where she accidentally hurts him by talking instead of kissing? Is Kara going to hurt her?]

Hmm...though sometimes people do get more memories like Kara.

[ nah, she'd have to full-on supervillain for that. ]

But is that time moving at home -- or here? Or is both? If time's moving in our heads, is it also affecting our bodies? And how can we even be sure those memories are real, if we have a brain implant and we dream them?

[ so many questions: zero answers. ]

I've seen physical changes happen when people get new memories, but it was at the prison. [Yes, aging is hard to see, but scars or other changes that might come along for the ride aren't.]

So the question is -- does it or doesn't it work the same here.

[ they could be testing out different conditions between their arenas. nothing is certain! ]

I guess it is. Maybe we should ask around since Kara wasn't gone long her experience isn't that informative.

And she doesn't really physically change easily -

[ no scars on the kryptonian. he nods. ]

Right. So, something to check out. [Brushing her fingers through his hair.] Sometimes I'm not sure if I can do this. [She should really explain what "this" is, shouldn't she?]

[ he tilts his head - yeah, 'this' is going to require an explanation ]

If you can do what?

Rage against the machine? I don't know. I feel like I've spent most of my life fighting one unstoppable enemy or another without gaining any ground. The idea of going after the Atroma is so natural to me, but then... I don't know. I just get tired and weary thinking about doing it all again.

[ he strokes her cheek ]

Kitty... [ he sighs, and pulls her in for a hug, kissing the top of her head. he can't imagine everything she's been through - what can he say that wouldn't sound like the naive ramblings of a sheltered child? ] They're not unstoppable. They're good, I'll give 'em that, but I've never met a system I couldn't crack with enough time, and I never met an enemy Kara couldn't stop. We are going to do this, all of us, together. But it's gonna be a marathon, and if you need to sit it out - it's alright. [ it's more than that, though, he'll stake everything he's got on it. if they win here - everyone will go home, and what will happen to her? he pulls back to look her in the eye. ]

I know you asked me - not to. I know you've - been let down before. I just - I need to say this once and we never to speak of it again. I'm not working to leave you.

[ take her with him or stay here with her - he's not going to do to her what everyone else in her life has. ]

[Maybe not unstoppable. They did stop Apocalypse. They just got a much worse enemy in his place—her mentor. The deck feels so completely stacked against them some days.

She meets his gaze and for a moment she can't remember ever asking him not to say such a thing. But she did. Of course she did. Because the thought of that moment on the ferris wheel with Reid when he invited her to his world and how...wanted she felt then. And how later he told her he just couldn't do this anymore. Couldn't be her lover, her partner, or even her friend. He didn't want her in any part of his life and while he never exactly retracted the offer she was sure it wasn't on the table anymore. At least not with him as part of it. The rejection hurt, not the failure to make it happen. She was never sure she could expect it to really happen, but that wasn't completely in their hands.]

I know you aren't. [Well, maybe she didn't know exactly. Even in this moment she doesn't believe he'd choose her over his life back home if it came to that, but she probably wouldn't want him to—not fully at least.] I love you. [She slips closer to wrap her arms around him.] I haven't been very good with the future for awhile, but you make right now so much better for me.

[ it never ends, does it? defeat one enemy, and the next one is already there to pick up the mantle. the black mercy came so close to defeating them, to take kara away, and what could any of them hope to do without her? yeah, there's superman, but he has a whole world to take care of, and metropolis has its own problems. but she came out on top, and he has to believe they always will. otherwise, they'll never be able to do anything at all.

his eyes mirror how earnestly he does mean it. it's true, nobody knows what they'll actually do in any given situation until they're there, but right now, he can't think of anything he wouldn't give up to stay at kitty's side. kara's right - you can't be a third wheel forever, and that's what life has in store for him in national city. he'd miss kara with a burning that will never subside, he'd miss his tech, his work, the thrill of helping kara take down the bad guys, he'd miss movie nights, and game nights, he'd miss a lot. but kitty loves him, and he'd miss that more. ]

I love you too.

[ he holds her tight. ] Baby steps. Start with the now, we'll work our way up to the future.

I wanted to quit the team once. Back home. [Just holding on to him, face tucked in against his neck but not so much that it's muffling her words.] It was after Piotr was well enough to go back out into the field. But he couldn't. He couldn't handle the battles anymore. He just sat there while the fighting happened around him. He couldn't stay like that, and I just wanted to go off with him somewhere. Try to find some relatively safe place and just be with him. Maybe do something really stupid like start a family. [So young to want children, but she'd done everything so young. But what a terrible world to bring them into.] Erik convinced us to train the next generation of mutants instead.

[Sometimes she wonders what it would have been like if they had left. Would Apocalypse's forces have found them? Would they have gotten bored? Would things have self destructed between them more quickly and maybe less deadly? ...Would they have been happy? It doesn't matter now. There's no going back, but every time she finds herself choosing to stand and fight and maybe she shouldn't. Maybe she should choose herself. Whatever that means for her. Maybe it means her and Winn just focusing on their relationship. But if history tells us anything she'll choose the fight.]

[ he holds her protectively, wishing his arms could shield her from the world, from whatever's to come if they ever make actual progress against atroma. he knows they can't, his arms could barely shield her from a slap - but the desire is still there.

what would it have been like? would she have survived? would she still be with him? or would she have died far away from everyone who loved her? what ifs are good for nothing but madness, but they're almost impossible to resist.

he knows one thing for sure - he can't ask her to fight. if anything happened to her again - he would never be able to live with himself. there won't be any escaping this fight - they're bound to the fleet, and a spaceship doesn't come equipped with a whole lot of hiding places - and he's not going to stop seeking it out - he can't, as long as they're stuck here, they could be ripped away from each other, and kara's torn away from everyone she loves. he can't leave that alone. but maybe they could fortify a command center, stay there together, spearhead the cyber attack.

he strokes her hair as he listens, wishing that at the end of this -- he'll be able to give her the peace she craves and deserves. ]

You should remember your girlfriend isn't a telepath and say more words. [Before their conversation about the anger he holds inside she wouldn't have pressed him. She would have been content in his arms to accept his affection and support. But now? Now, she's concerned he's holding back when he falls silent. Asking seems better than guessing for herself.]

[ it's generally a safe bet, his instincts to hold back are pretty strong.

he's quiet for a moment longer before he finds his voice. ]

Address Space Layout Randomization, Binary Search Tree, Database Query Language -

[ he tries for a smile; it's a dumb joke, but it buys him some time to think up an actual response. ]

Also remember your girlfriend can phase into your skull and crush the blood vessels in your brain. [Her humor goes a little dark sometimes. It's not a real threat!]

Remember I need those to make that Frisbee. And the yo-yo after that, and there definitely won't be any pizza planting without steady brain blood supply -

[ he trusts her way too much to take it as anything but a joke. ]

Oh, right. You're not actually making me a bunch of toys are you? [This is without even thinking about how it might be weird that it's toys considering your father.] I think one big romantic gesture is enough to buy you some time. Also, I'm pretty sure you're trying to actually distract me here, so...is something wrong?

[ we don't talk about that. ]

I don't make toys, I make adult collectibles.

[ you play with them, winn, that makes them toys.

but he sighs, and opts for honesty at last. ]

I just...don't know what to say.

[ that he's sorry, that he wishes she could have stopped fighting? it doesn't seem like enough. that he'd keep her out of it this time around? he can't make that promise, that's not in his hands and besides - kitty's a hero. they don't tend to stay behind, no matter how hard things get. that he's actually kinda freaked out by kids? (things went alright with carter - right until the point where he bolted to find supergirl and almost got himself killed. he's much more qualified to take care of a goldfish, ok) they really don't need this conversation right now, get back to national city first - figure out life goals second. ]

[She pulls back to look at him.] Are you worried about saying the wrong things around me? [Because she doubts that it's a lack of thought. And she's probably making too much of this one moment, but it isn't the only moment he's been quiet and he did admit he'd been feeling more and hiding it, right? Is she crazy here or is there something?]

I don't want you to worry about that. I'm not going to just leave you if we argue or something. I wouldn't do that.

It's not that -

[ he shakes his head with a small smile. even he's not that insecure. ] I just wanna say the right things around you. [ she deserves the best and he's never going to be that, but at the very least she should get the best that he's got. and he also wants to impress her, wants to be someone she can count on to comfort her, someone smooth and funny and cool and...not him.

so much honesty is hard on him, joke after joke flash through his mind, but he shoots them down, because they're not what a better man would say. ]

Cuz I love you, I wanna be better for you.

I love you right now. Today. The man you are. Don't hide him from me until you decide he's out of beta. [Points for that reference?] That's not fair to either of us.

Besides, I say the wrong things like half the time or more, and I'm not going to be able to shut up until that changes.

[ she gets so many points for that, in the form of a smile, and one of those confesions. ]

-- I'm really bad with kids. As in, last time I babysat, the kid ran off and ended up in the middle of a train-blowy villainous plot, and had to be rescued by Kara.

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