driftfleet | may mingle (blameless!)

[Hank knows, and if that's how it turns out, well - he certainly isn't going to complain] Good. No more sleeping in the engine room.

[putting words to things is hard enough at times for him, without it coming out as a rambling babble of conscious thought that he can't quite word the way he wants. But putting words to this - this has always been difficult, and whether it's what he wants, or what they are - he's never quite sure what to say, or how to say it.

He wants to ramble now, wants to completely shut up and not say a single word for hours, and as she tilts his head up to look at her he swallows nervously. Random make-outs he can do, has done. Actual - dating things, relationship things, his experience there is very lacking, and he's pretty sure grabbing drinks doesn't count.

And then - she puts words to it. Words that even when his memories were a mess and he couldn't piece his own life together, he'd never used to refer to them. Because "together" just seemed to work well enough, for something he didn't quite understand. It worked after he remembered everything they'd gone through. If he's honest, those words kind of terrify him]

Like - like that, yeah. Dinner, or - whatever you want to do.

[ It's strange to think of using those words for them, really, considering how far apart they had been for so long. They had never bridged the gap in expression before they had gone to Cuba and after that - after that they hadn't been close enough for it to matter. Loving someone from a distance wasn't the same as being with them and she knew that; she felt no shame about the other choices she made in company and romance when she was far, far away from Hank and the warmth in her heart when she thought about him. Now she knows what she wants but verbalising it is hard.

How long will they be here for? How long would she be aboard the ships, with him and Charles and Erik? How long until Atroma sends them home and she goes back to a world where she has to fight for their kind while Hank and Charles educate the ones that can't protect themselves, fighting to be a part of a society that hates them? Maybe things will change, in time, but it's not going to be that easy - and she's scared. She's scared to put name to something that might end up broken by reality when this strange dream ends and the world welcomes them back.

The idea of not trying, of not working for something she wants just because it might not end well seems ridiculous to her, though. She had gone after Trask, she had gone after the president, she had stood before the world as herself, blue and proud and mutant in all that she controlled, and she had survived. Admitting what she wanted to someone else shouldn't be on the same level of difficulty, but it was - it was hard for her to tell Hank that she wanted him when they both knew the chance of her leaving was higher than the chance of her ever being comfortable staying.

It wasn't fair to hold him back when he could be with someone that could be at his side all the time, forever, but Raven had always been more than a little selfish when it came to the people in her life.

Her expression softens, though, and she nods her head, leaning up for another kiss, slow and sure, focussing on that rather than the twisting burn of thoughts that echo in her mind. ]

We'll go on a date. [ Raven smiles, soft and certain. ] Dinner, somewhere quiet, maybe, so we can just - talk. I think we can do that.

[if he knew how she felt, he'd tell her that he's been holding himself back for years. If she asks, he'll tell her that he's tried to date in the time they've been apart - and that every single attempt had never gone very far, either because of his mutation, or because he just couldn't picture himself feeling that way about someone else. Even here in the fleet he'd started something with Kara, tentative and with the time to develop it into something more, but as soon as Raven had shown up . . . he'd saved his friendship with Kara instead, so he wouldn't hurt her because he was so hopelessly tangled up with someone else.

A long, long time ago, he'd pictured a life with her - a normal life, where they did normal things and had a normal relationship, the world no longer a worry. After she had left, and he was alone with Charles he never gave it a second thought again - it hurt too much, knowing that even if she did come back, they couldn't have that. Not in their world, not when mutants were forced to hide and they couldn't be themselves. Maybe that's why he never found someone else; it would have been almost exactly what he wanted, but he knew it was impossible and it'd be with the wrong person.

But he pushes those feelings away - here and now, that's what's important. And - even this won't be normal, not for them. A ghost of it, maybe, but it's enough that he wants to try. They're trying to find the boundaries of their relationship and maybe adding something like this is the wrong idea, but - he doesn't think it is. The one thought that never leaves his mind is that he wants to treat her right, and - this is that, too. He wants to make her happy, and the idea of them going out on a date - such a simple thing, really - seems to do that]

I'd like that. [it's a quiet admission, but so incredibly earnest]

[ The strange thing is that no matter how far Raven had gone away, no matter how intensely she had become Mystique, she knew that a part of her would always end up drawn back to Hank. She never imagined herself able to have a family of her own, never felt as though she could be comfortable with someone as she was, blue and proud, and she had thought when she had met Hank that maybe it would change, that they could share something. That one night in the mansion had shattered all those dreams, and it had taken her a very long time to forgive him for it.

She had wanted so much from Hank and maybe it had been unfair for her to do it when they were both so young, but they're older now and maybe they can bear the weight on their shoulders.

It's still so strange, because she was so used to Charles being the one with dates, Charles being able to go out and find a lady he liked and enjoy himself with her back in Oxford. It had never been something she had ever been able to enjoy because she had never been herself; how can she be a girlfriend when she's lying to the person she's with? It's one of the major reasons that she ended up sliding away and becoming insular, loathing Charles finding another girl and another girl, using his mutation to find a way to get into their good graces; it was one of the reasons she was so stupidly bitter for so long.

Now, though, there's a chance - and Hank can see her for what she is and he doesn't imagine her as anything else anymore. He sees her, blue and proud, and he accepts it, wants her just as she is. She's never had the chance to go on a date, to just be with someone and enjoy their company, to feel safe and comfortable, and the simple offer and simple promise means more to her than she could possibly say.

Leaning forward, she rests her head against his, closing her eyes. ]

We should find somewhere private, too. Not for anything untoward - [ Which is a terribly Charles thing to say ] - but because I want to sleep beside you. We never got to have that before, did we? We never had the chance.

[it is a very Charles thing to say, and he makes a noise that says as much, half-sputtered and half-choked out, mixed up in a laugh. She's his sister no matter how long they've been apart] My intentions are nothing but innocent. [he manages to say after a moment, some humor in his voice. This was new territory, what they were talking about and the more deeper sides their relationship could go, and - god, he's worrying aobut overwhelming the serum again even though it already happened. He's such a nerd]

But - we can do that. We never did before. [there was a lot of things they never did; it's almost exciting to have the chance to actually discover what those are and fix it] Unless you snuck in to the lab while I was sleeping. [it's a tease] I know I fell asleep there a lot. Still do.

[ Raven fights back her laugh, both of them knowing just what the comparison was and both of them enjoying it - it might have been forever since she was around Charles but some things don't change and the things that made them family was one of them. Her hands fiddle idly against the fabric of his shirt and, eventually, she manages to speak. ] It doesn't have to be innocent. [ Not unless he wants it to be, at least for now, and Raven isn't going to push on this. She might be comfortable in her body, but Hank struggles with control when he's feeling something intense - and that would absolutely be intense.

Raven wants him to enjoy whatever they do together, not worry about control and going too far.

She manages to huff a laugh, though, shaking her head. ] Who do you think took all your cups of tea and coffee away when you were hanging around dozing? We didn't have a housekeeper while the rest of you were there. [ Which sounds very rich and arrogant, but that was mostly Charles' parents than their choice. She shakes her head, leaning closer. ] I get the side nearest the door, though.

[it doesn't have to be innocent; he isn't sure how to react first, whether he should take it as a joke or the truth that it is, because he knows. Still, flustering wins out, as it always does. Like a deer trapped in the headlights he stares at her, eyes wide before he directs them that way. His wall really is so very fascinating] N-No, I guess, it - it doesn't. I mean, I don't - uh, I - er.

[suddenly, words have failed him. At least, on that particular topic. The rest of what he says he forces out in a rush, immediately focusing on the other thing they're talking about] I, uh, had wondered who'd come in and taken them. [Charles sometimes had done that, in the beginnings of the school and afterwards, once they'd returned home and settled into building the new future] That's - fine. That side's all yours.

Hank. [ Raven is soft, now, because she can see how flustered he is - and her own cheeks would be a more violent red if she was capable of it right now. Being together, though, and finding a place for privacy introduced more ideas of things she wanted to do and she wasn't going to deny it just because it might be embarrassing or leave them a little pink. ] There are things I want to do with you, and that is definitely one of them. It doesn't have to be any time soon, though. I'm not going to pull you into bed just because we can do it now. It wouldn't be right if it was like that.

[ She shifts, then, wrapping her arms around him and leaning close for a gentle kiss, just a soft thing that promises more in the future. ] We can go and find a hotel and go and have dinner, then go back and just sleep. I'll have the side by the door and you can have the one by the window, and in the morning we can wake up together and then go and find breakfast somewhere. That's all, if you'd like.

[ Raven, as a rule, is more comfortable with her sexuality and it shows in how she handles herself, proud and not ashamed of what she wants; she wants Hank, and she doesn't mind how they go forward as long as they're together. ]

she kisses him and it calms him a little, as does what she says, but he's still - god, flustered is too tame a word. He uses her closeness as an excuse to hide his face against her neck, breathing out a harsh noise and hugging her close. His voice is muttered into her skin, the tone . . . sulky and petulant. Because he knows how much he struggles with this and it annoys him to no end] Don't - think it isn't because I don't want to. [he can manage to say that much] I just - I haven't - [he makes a frustrated noise and has to stop to take a deep breath] - like this. [and he knows he can't control himself around here, and that's - he's never thought about it.

But she assures him and he relaxes, little by little. Huffs out another noise because he really is an embarrassment sometimes, but he wants everything she says and the noise is agreeing. And, after a moment, he tentatively adds] We can do - all of that. And just - see where other things go. I think I can manage that.

Do you think it bothers me? [ Raven holds him close, letting him rest against her neck and wrapping her arm around him, her hand smoothing against his hair gently. When she speaks her voice is soft, gentle, the way it always is when it comes to his mutation and her beaming, impossible pride in him. ] I know that it's harder, when you get - what did you say before? Worked up? It's who you are, Hank, and it's not something that upsets me. [ In fact, it's something that makes her fuzzy with pride, knowing that it's part of who he is and he's learning to come to terms with it. It won't be easy, but they can try and work on it together. ] We can even go slowly, if you like.

[ There are ways to be intimate that aren't 'going all the way', as the kids in school used to call it, and Raven doesn't mind sharing that with Hank too. She sees no reason why they can't feel it out together, discover what it means to be that close when it's just the two of them.

Her arms tighten around him ever so slightly and she holds him closer, closing her eyes and leaning into him. ] It sounds like we have a pretty good plan, doesn't it?

I know it doesn't bother you. [and that - helps. It helps so much, that he can just be with her, without all the usual worries that come with that. He's still mumbling all his responses into her neck, because it's embarrassing and so very personal and - between them] Worked up, animal urges - I'm not - actually a beast. [and that comes out the most petulant of all. He can hear Alex laughing in the back of his mind at how appropriate it is] We'll - figure it out. I just - bear with me.

[that's all he can really say, any more and he feels like he might explode or give in to the urge to hide somewhere until he clears his mind of all of that.

he leans into her, some of the tension melting, and he finally sighs out] It's a good plan. [they have a plan, and it's an amazing one] When do you want to . . . ?

Good. [ Raven doesn't mind him talking into her skin, either, because it's what lets him be comfortable. Her hand moves to stroke along his back gently, soothing and sure, and all worries about being interrupted or privacy fade away - this is a personal moment, but it's not as indecent as the one before. Her head turns to kiss the top of his head and she smiles, closing her eyes. ] I know you're not actually - it's just a nickname. You're Hank, and that's what matters.

[ Screw Alex and screw the rest of the world that made Hank think, for a second, that he wasn't amazing just as he was, the same world that had left her aching and hurting for so long. She holds on to him tighter, pressing her face into his hair and not wanting to let go. ]

We could do it tomorrow, maybe? Then we have a whole day together before we leave this place. We can just go and have fun. [ She hasn't had much fun since she woke up here and she feels like she needs it before she loses her mind. ]

It is a nickname now, isn't it. [he huffs a little at the thought, but it isn't as petulant as before. Since home, he's been called it a few times, and even back there Logan had called him that a few times, too. He couldn't argue and say it was a once upon a time code name] But - I know. I'm just being - sulky about it.

[but he likes this, her comforting him and him seeking comfort in her. He doesn't want to move and doesn't try to, and with this - it's a private moment, but it's less - indecent. If someone walks in on them like this, he could care less]

Mm, tomorrow's fine. [he can't help but tease her a little bit] You say that as if we don't spend most of the day together already.

We're not secret agents anymore, are we? [ It had all been fun and games and then Shaw had turned up and destroyed the brief moment of happiness that had enveloped them. It was easier to just ignore those memories and focus on the present, the warmth of Hank in her arms and the way she keeps comforting him, letting herself explore his body with her hands in gentle, soothing motions, resting her cheek against him without hesitation. She feels nothing but want for the man in her arms and, hopefully, he'll begin to see it too.

The idea of being able to go out and spend time together before they go back to privacy, pure and perfect privacy, feels like something incredible that she doesn't quite deserve. Whatever happens, she thinks, it's going to be amazing; it'll be her first time having a date with someone and the first time she's spending time knowing what was happening between them, no doubts and no concerns.

Leaning back, though, she nudges his shoulder with a huff. ] I can leave, if you want - [ And she pretends to move back, shifting her leg ever so slightly. ]

Well - no, but it's - one thing if you call me that and another when everyone else does. [he doesn't want to think too hard about that, and he's happy to put it in the back of his mind. He's dwelled so much on it that he isn't going to let himself now] I didn't know it stuck after - that, until Logan brought it up.

[she tries to lean back and - he doesn't let her. He tightens his arms to draw her back to where she was, huffing in return] That wasn't a complaint. [he finally lifts his head to look at her] And I don't want you to leave.

I think it's different for me. Mystique is who I have to be, because sometimes it's too hard to be Raven. No one called me that when I was with the others anyway - it was always just Mystique. Only you, Charles and Erik ever use my name. [ Which she doesn't mind all that much. Let the rest of the world see Mystique, the mutant that won't stand for her people being abused. Let her family see her heart, broken and tattered and needing to be fixed.

She does manage to fight her laugh when he pulls her close again, though, leaning in to press a gentle kiss against his mouth. ] I wasn't actually going to leave. [ Her smile softens, and she kisses him again. ] I don't want to go.

[he lifts a hand to cup her cheek, thumb brushing across the skin] That's because you've always been Raven to me. [when she wasn't here and he spoke to the other Mystique, he had asked first - and stuck with the nickname when she answered, because calling her otherwise would be too hard.

He kisses her back, smiling into it each time, and his arm relaxes, but stays around her] Well - good. I'm glad we're in agreement.

[ She doesn't mind being just Raven to him, and her features soften before she nods her head. Tilting herself up all she can do is hold on to Hank, enjoying his warmth and the steady comfort of being in his arms. ] It used to annoy me, but when it's you... It's nice. I don't think it would sound right to call me 'Mystique' while we're making out, would it?

[ The kisses are lovely, and Raven knows she's never going to get tired of how it feels to be in his arms. ] Should I tell you other things I like? The other things you do that I enjoy, other than just being here?

Mm, no. [he laughs a little, a huff of noise] It'd be a little strange, honestly. [he likes that he's allowed - he'd do it if he weren't, really, because "Mystique", while suiting, had never stuck with him. And they'd been growing close at that point anyway. He couldn't call her that.

The knee-jerk reaction he has is to tell her yes, because - he wants to know what he should and shouldn't do, know where he's screwing up and what he's doing right. But after a moment he shakes his head. That wasn't how this would work] Do you want me to hide again? [is what he says instead, poking fun at himself and how easy it is to fluster him]

Then we'll keep being Raven and Hank. [ Mystique was for back at home, when she had to be violent and dangerous, not soft and accepting of what was developing between them here. She could tilt her head up, then, and look at Hank, stroke her hand against his cheek and feel him there, biting her lip as she considers all the things she wants to do with him, at his side. It would be so easy to give into it and just spend the entire day kissing him, but without privacy...

She shakes her head, drawing him close. ] I quite enjoyed you hiding against me, you know. I like having you that close. [ Which is true. She drops the topic easily enough, understanding and knowing Hank well enough to know when to pause things for now. ] I could get used to it.

[with everything he knows from the other worlds, the thought of "Mystique and Beast" is almost hilarious to him] It'll still make heads spin. Which I don't mind. [and - now he knows he's being a brat, but he doesn't care] Raven and Hank - you know that's just us, right? It isn't - something that's happened elsewhere, I think. [it's that much more important]

You don't want to get used to it. [it's teasing, but he also doesn't mean it. But he takes it as an invitation to rest his head against her shoulder, tighten his arms around her again, mumbling] I want to figure those things out, though. Isn't that - part of all of this? You can't just tell me, it's cheating.

We're unique? [ She can't deny that it thrills her, and she wiggles a little as she considers it. With all that's happened lately, all the things she's learned, the idea of having something that's just theirs means more to her than she can really put into words. It makes her feel warm, and she grins as she leans up for another kiss. ] I like that it's not... Common. That it's not something that everyone expects from us. It's our choice, and I've chosen to be with you.

[ However being with him ends, at least they decided it together.

Raven feels so comfortable, so warm and happy when he holds her that she can do no more than bask in it, feeling the warmth flood through her before she breathes out. She's never really taken on the role of being the comforter before, always letting her sorrows drag along Charles' company or keeping them to herself, never close enough to be someone else's support, but now... She's sharing so much with Hank that it's just perfect. ] I was going for more 'I like when your lips are on my neck because it makes me shiver', but I suppose you're right. We should learn those things together, in time. We have that now.

Mm, it's - this is ours. [it comes out a little softer and far more possessive than he meant to, but he won't lie and say that it isn't something that thrills him either. He'd heard of an evil Hank McCoy, one who had become a professor like he was meant to, and never once was there any mentions of him seeing Raven - or Mystique, or anyone, really. It did make him wonder why, but - it was an idle thought and nothing more I kind of like that it's unexpected, too. No one can tell us what's going to happen.

[and it's scary, thinking of it that way, but it's better, too. It could go differently, if they were back home. Who knew how long Raven would stay away, if she would ever come home. Being here in the fleet, it just made it all the more theirs. Their time, to do what they wanted with it.

He's very glad she can't see his expression, though, because he goes a bit wide-eyed and - he just barely mutes the flustered noise that wants to burst out. But it warms him to hear her echo back what he's been telling her, that they have time - to figure these things out, to just be with each other] We do. And - we're obviously planning to use that time wisely, so - no spoilers.

[there it is, your reminder that you're dating a nerd]

[ The possessiveness doesn't upset her - she hates the idea of being owned, but the idea of belonging is something entirely different to that - and she warms to it a little, tilting her head up and leaning towards Hank without hesitation. It's almost a relief to think that what they're sharing here is something that's theirs, that no other world is waiting for them to mirror the stories told there. What she shares with Hank belongs to her and to him and no one else; there's no future waiting to be spoiled, no people waiting to see them reenact events that they've already seen. ]

We get to decide what we do and how we do it. There's no expectations or - or future that we have to live up to. It's just us, and what we want. [ Things might be stranger if they were back in New York, but they're not. They're here on a fleet with people that know them and don't know them at the same time, and she can allow herself this stark moment of pleasure and joy, letting herself feel the warmth of his company and allowing herself to daydream about a future that might never happen.

They're not going anywhere any time soon, however, and Raven knows that; there are people that have been here far, far longer than she has and probably longer than Hank, too. If they do end up going home then she will simply have to find a way to deal with her memories, maybe finding some kind of peace with the world. The thing that stopped her going home was Charles and his control, but if that had changed too, if Erik had changed... Maybe they could change their world and give her the path she needs to go back to the mansion.

Raven does manage to huff out a laugh, though, stifling her giggles against his head as she tilts herself to kiss his cheek, hand stroking through his hair in a content, idle way. ] No spoilers, I promise. I want to learn everything about you, Hank, explore not just who you are but what you like, too. We never had that before Cuba, we never had time, but now... [ She closes her eyes, resting her body against him; he's strong enough to hold her up, in more ways than just physical. ] We can do this, can't we?

Edited 2016-05-15 22:42 (UTC)

No, and - technically, our future has yet to be built anyway. We changed that - you changed that. [and he's proud of her for that, that she made the decision and saved them all, that she spared a life that shouldn't have been spared and didn't doom them to a future that was nothing but pain. So much so that they had to send Logan back to fix it.

And that - brings up a memory, one he's rarely shared or spoken about. He turns his head to kiss her cheek, fingers flexing against her spine as he shifts] I asked about it once, if - I made it in the future. Logan told me I didn't survive. [he wants her to know just how important what she did was, beyond all the things that she already knew. He doesn't know when, or how, but she saved him, too. He can't deny that it was a thought on his mind for a long time] So - knowing that I actually have a future, and - one with you in it - it's important.

[hearing her laugh, though - it makes him smile, and she can probably feel it as his shoulders shake a little in silent laughter, too. That they're just enjoying themselves, it's both such an old and new concept. That they can is if a gift, he thinks] We can do this. [he sounds so certain of it, and with all the humor fading away there's something desperate and hopeful in his voice] I know we can.

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