driftfleet | Tourist ROAD TRIP (mingle)

That's not... I'm not trying to make you feel bad about it.

You don't have to, I do that all by myself.

[ smile? a little bit? he sighs ]

I hope it helps. [ he admires her courage asking for and accepting this help. there's a reason she's the hero and he's the sidekick, and it's not just his lack of powers. ]

[She hopes so too.]

I know you do. [She looks at him with a gentle expression.] But really, I'm sorry. I was confused and hurt for a minute, but I get it. I see what you were going for and I know you would never intentionally do something to hurt me. We're good. I'm just sorry I didn't see you struggling before this. I want to be there for you at least half as much as you are for me. [She wants it to be just as much, but he's impossible to keep up with.]

Kitty - you are. I'm really good at listening - that means I hear what you're saying when you get on a shuttle and come see me, even though the Windrose is where your best friend is. I hear what you're saying when you get me snacks, when you indulge my projects, when you didn't argue about giving Cisco my room for a night. I hear what you're saying when you hold me, I hear what you're saying right now. Honestly, no one's ever been that sensitive to my needs. [ he's not sure how to deal with it. ]

[She sinks back into him, wrapping her arms around him.] I love you and I'm worried. I want to help. [She knows what it's like to have a problem with sleep. Being with him solves that for her. Doesn't seem like it works the other way for him though.]

[ he wraps his arms around her in return, pulling her close and presses a kiss to the top of her head, his hurt pushed aside. ]

You do help. But hey - how about in the morning, I'll catch you up on what I've been up to? A genius head is better in than one.

Good. Does that mean we can go to bed? [Spoiler alert: She's not going without him.]

Yeah - lemme just - put everything away.

[ he'll have a full on panic attack if he loses his research - what little of it he's got. ]

[She nuzzles against him before pulling back.] Okay. [She looks around for something she can stack up to help.] Is there anything else I should know?

Hmn.

[ he gets up and starts stacking his research and putting it carefully away in a drawer he'll lock when they're done. ]

I'm not making explosive teddy bears if that's what you mean - [ how would she mean that winn you never even told her your dad's a toymaker. ] I dunno, there probably is, people are complicated.

What? [She looks confused for a moment, wondering if she should understand that with more clarity. She decides it must be related to his dad and stands up to reach out for and squeeze his hand.] Hey. I would never think that. I just meant is anything else bothering you or keeping you up or have I said anything else that makes you feel like you can't talk to me?

[ he sucks in a breath - and lets it out, trying to get rid of the tension in his body. he then proceeds to lock the drawer, and put the key away before turning to face her. ]

No, you didn't say anything. I just - [ how can he explain to her that he just doesn't feel like he has the right to talk, because what he's struggling with, it's so small in comparison with the burdens she, kara, cisco, jim, everybody's carrying. he knows what he'd say to anyone else who'd come up with that argument, and he knows he'd be right, but his logic is useless against himself. and he's spent too many years hearing that as the son of the monster, his feelings aren't just inconsequential - they're a burden, they're undesired, they're not allowed to be shared. he sighs. ] Let's go back to the room. [ he knows she won't let this go, but at least it'll buy him a minute to try and come up with something. ]

Yeah, of course. [He's right. It's not dropped. It's not gone, but it would be better to do it resting next to him with her arms around him in his room. The safest space they have. She puts an arm around him and thinks to button another of those buttons on her—well, his—shirt.]

[ he wraps an arm around her in return, and turns off the light. ]

Hey - rescue me from stabbed toes? [ he wants her to smile, and he knows the best way to do that right now is to get himself smiling, so he tries to get excited about the most exciting thing he has available - her. and specifically at the moment - how awesome and fun her powers are. ]

[She nods against him and they phase through the wall, making their way back to his room. Back to the place she woke up to find the cold place on the bed where he was missing. Where she thought she'd lost him. She doesn't smile. She just holds him closer.]

[ he holds onto her tight as they do, and kisses her forehead when they get back to the room. everything feels so tense right now, and he just wants it to stop. ]

That will never not be awesome.

[She likes how into her powers he is. That he doesn't seem afraid of her. But right now it feels a little forced to her.] You don't have to do that. You don't have to be on for me.

I don't have to, it just happens.

[ no really it's a serious problem. he doesn't know how to turn this off and just talk about what's bothering him unless he's been pushed past his limit. of course, the way he says it is with a fond smile and a squeeze of her shoulder because - serious problem. ]

[Oh, Winn. She isn't buying it. Or, she is. It's just making her sad.] I know. [She leads him back into his room and lays down on the bed, making room for him.]

[ he curls up next to her, pulling her into his arms. ]

Hey. [ he hates that he's making her sad. this is what he means by not good enough. he's messed up too. ]

Hey. [She nuzzles in against him.] Tell me about it?

[ he's quiet for a moment. the main issue is hard to explain, and he isn't sure he understands it himself either. so instead, he goes for another symptom. ]

Last month, this kid got to the fleet. Luke. He was sick. Really - creepy weird - terminal magical illness. I was gonna help him, try to figure something out hook him up with people who know magic here, maybe explore local tech, future tech, other worldly something -- he trusted me. And then he disappeared. [ and as painful as that is, as much as it haunts and hurts him, it's nothing compared to what it would feel like if he failed kitty. ]

You can't save everyone, Winn. [She kisses his forehead softly.] And he could be somewhere now where he still has a shot at it.

I hope so.

[ he's worried that he won't be able to save anyone. ]

[Yes, say those words without the brackets now. Come on, Winn.] How does it make you feel?

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