Your regularly scheduled creepy visitor

[killedwithlove]

Who: Cole and anyone who needs him... or wants to chat to him
Broadcast: No
Action: On any ship except Marsiva, Tourist or Red Fish because he avoids visiting two and can't visit the third.
When: While the fleet is moving and probably a bit after

[There is this thing Cole does.

He visits other ships. Sometimes he put the Pathstone alongside to visit and sometimes he takes a shuttle, but he's constantly wandering all over the fleet, being with people, circulating.

He hasn't done it in a while. He got a nasty fright and went into hiding for a while.

But the creepy psychic being is back! Sticking his large nose into all the business.]

Comments

[killedwithlove]

I'm not infallible.

I'm just... what I am. Compassion. And Cole. All spirits are what we are. Mortals shape us, but I'm not as easily shaped anymore.

But I can still... do things wrong.

[beardstrokes]

[ It makes sense. Still, he's not sure how to proceed. Not that it'll change the way Obi-Wan treats Cole, with kindness and respect. But he remembers his actions on Mortis and the ripples it had left behind. ]

Are there other spirits?

[killedwithlove]

Oh, yes! Lots! There are a lot of Compassion, we're the weak ones. Mages call us the weakest, most easily changed and damaged, but we make their healing magic work better.

There's a lot of Rage. Desire. Pride. I met an Envy once, they're voracious, vicious. Command, Wisdom, Solas' best friends are all Wisdom. Cassandra was touched by Faith. I was touched by Cole. We were sort of mirrors of each other. Mortal touched by spirit. Spirit touched by mortal.

[beardstrokes]

So . . . is it everyone in your world touched by spirits?

[ In a way, touched by the Force. ]

[killedwithlove]

No. Spirits are in the Fade. Mortals are the world. Spirit mediums can see across to us, call us across, but we don't like to be in the real world. It's confusing, doesn't make sense to us. We usually need a host to manage to stay here, or blood sacrifice to come in our actual shapes.

Mages are connected to the Fade. They go there when they dream. Spirits speak to them then. Most people never encounter spirits. They think we're demons. All evil. We're not evil. We just are what we are.

[beardstrokes]

Fascinating. I wish I could see the Fade up close. The Force sometimes gives us visions when we sleep, but they're often disjointed. Confusing.

[killedwithlove]

Yes.

Spirits don't know the future. The Fade reflects what is in the mortal realm. What's been, gone, is, nearly was, could be, but not what will. There's no certainty. Just thought and emotion and dreams.

[beardstrokes]

Neither does the Force. Certainty is not one of its stronger aspects.

[ He muses. ] I used to have them when I was younger. But I'm not as strong in the Force as I used to be.

[ Though Obi-Wan is still strong in the Force, he isn't much compared to Anakin. ]

[killedwithlove]

You lost your confidence. Grief clouded your sight and it's hard to find again.

You are not less. You just changed where the bench mark is.

[beardstrokes]

[ He goes quiet. ]

I can't deny that my grief has taken hold for a long time.

[killedwithlove]

That's the nature of grief. But you get frustrated at yourself for not being 'better'.

I'm not sure what better is, but I know it hurts you to fall short of what you think you should be.

[beardstrokes]

[ It did. Though Obi-Wan has never suffered a crisis of confidence. He's never felt the real sting of fear or fright. He's taken measure of the Force and he had always followed its call.

Still. Still.

He shrugs loosely. ]

It doesn't hurt. Not really.

[killedwithlove]

[Cole doesn't reply to that.

He knows it's a hurt. He wouldn't be aware of it if it wasn't. But maybe, Obi-Wan doesn't notice the pain anymore. The pearl of hurt is there, hiding the knot it formed around.]

[beardstrokes]

[ Obi-Wan is spectacularly repressed. His early childhood is riddled with wounds, wounds that sprung from wanting, needing, asking for more. Those emotional ties and moments were then spurned and buried deep. It was easier. Anakin didn't understand, he thrived in his personhood, his identity.

Obi-Wan would sooner forget his than celebrate it. ]

I'm not lying.

[killedwithlove]

No, I know. You're not lying, you're just not right. It's different. I don't think you know the hurt hurts anymore.

I was wondering if that's better or worse.

[beardstrokes]

I'm afraid I don't follow. What hurts?

[killedwithlove]

You hurt.

Lots of little things, some not so little. Your perceived shortcomings especially. They... nibble, like a stone in the shoe.

[beardstrokes]

I'm sure I'm not . . . quite that bad.

[ He hopes. ]

[killedwithlove]

Oh, I've felt much worse. That doesn't diminish your pain. Pain isn't better for someone else having been through worse. It's not... relative

[beardstrokes]

No, of course not.

[ It's simply not something he's ever given thought to. ]

[killedwithlove]

You say it and you know how to apply it to other people. I don't know if you know that it applies to you too.

[beardstrokes]

I am a Jedi after all. We do uphold ourselves to different standards.

[killedwithlove]

Why?

[beardstrokes]

It's how we were trained. How we're meant to serve.

[ He pauses. ] As Compassion, you hold yourself to a different standard, correct? It's similar for the Jedi. Being touched by the Force, by the Light means we serve it differently.

[killedwithlove]

I don't know. I don't think I hold myself to a different standard. I'm just different.