driftfleet | [video/Action]

Entry tags:

[video/Action]

Who: Kitty Pryde and everyone who tags!
Broadcast: Yep!
Action: Planet fun! Or Windrose maybe. I'm flexible.
When: Now or nowish. Definitely now-adjacent.

[Broadcast]
I have an important request. I need someone who can make cheese. Do cheese makers have an old timey name like cobblers and haberdashers or are those only for clothes? Anyway, calling all of those.

Cheese doesn't seem to be a thing here from what I can tell, but we're just one ingredient away from some really great pizza. I have no idea what cheese requires other than cows or goats or something. I grew up so close to Wisconsin, but I feel like I learned so little.

I would also accept alternative cheese. I know there were vegan kinds made out of hopes and dreams or something I assume. I can pay you or share the finished pizza or do something in trade if I had skills. I could beat someone up for you maybe. [She's not going to do that. Probably.] We'll work it out.

[Action]
[She's on the planet doing all of these things and more but this post won't get to CAPTCHA! You might find her on the Windrose veeeery rarely!]

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

[ if he could give her some thought/feeling free touch, he would do it, he really wants to think he would. but right now, it's difficult to imagine because touching her means seeing more of him touching her, her touching him, he's not sure which is worse but both are unbearable. ]

You needed to believe in him, so you did.

[ it makes sense, kitty's too good a person to compartmentalize like that. neither one of them can really manage not to get attached, so trying to do that with a bad person can only ever end one way. he keeps reminding himself of her situation, explaining the reasoning to himself in his head, so when they do touch again what she'll sense is understanding, but she's right...it is hard. he admires her good heart, her desire to understand, but getting involved with a murderer...it's a hard pill for him to swallow. she's not a murderer, she killed in a war, reluctantly, for a cause, for protection, for survival. she's a soldier. he...sounds nothing like that. ]

What did he do? [ his voice sounds odd to him, it should be strained, but it isn't. it's like, someone else is inhabiting his body, someone calm. ]

[She's worried and wandering how Winn is taking all of this inside, but she doesn't reach out. She finds a bench and sits on one edge of it, knowing he won't want to just cuddle in the middle.] There was an attack. Him and and another noah from his world. That's what he was called. A noah. It was this strange biblical thing. Um, but it was the two of them against two exorcists. They're enemies back home. [And it was easy enough to write off as an ongoing war she didn't know enough about to really understand.] As far as I knew it was the first time he'd attacked anyone in the prison. One of those exorcists was my friend, Allen. There weren't many injuries, but it still felt like a betrayal of the trust I was never supposed to give him. That's when I broke up wit him.

...The first time.

[ he sits halfway to the middle - close, but not touching, trying to offer support, to show her he's not walking away from her without subjecting himself to memories he knows he can't handle and her to his reactions - reactions that are way more complicated than he'd like them to be. ]

You went back.

[ he understands the concept of an unhealthy relationship, he's had his share. he's spent his entire life so starved for affection, he was willing to let people treat him like crap and he kept on going back. it's just weird to think of kitty in the same position. she's so much stronger than he ever was, so much better. and this man...sounds so much worse than anyone he's ever been involved with. ]

How many times?

Once. [There's a pause as she thinks about it.] Once like we were anyway. [Because there was another time she sought comfort in him even if nothing more than crying on him and being held happened. She takes a shaky breath.]

Time passed. I was lonely. He hadn't done anything more and it was easy enough to write off as a war from back home. There was a dance. A prom even. And I wasn't with him, but we danced together and Cross—the other exorcist—gave me this look and I don't know. It felt like I was being judged already and as long as I was being considered like I was doing the wrong thing. ...I might as well.

[She hates so much that she made that choice and it shows in her expression even if he's not touching her to feel it, but she's also glad he's not touching her because she knows what came next. They got back together on the beach that night. Passionate and wrong. He was the "Noah of Pleasure" for a reason.]

So we did for awhile.

[ the urge to hold her is pretty overwhelming, he hates seeing that expression on her, but he's so afraid of what he'll see - what he'll show her. so instead, he turns a little so he could face her. ]

Kitty, none of that's gonna make me stop loving you.

[ she's so young and she's been through more than anyone should in a hundred lifetimes. she was lonely and hurt and he may have been a terrible person, but he helped her not feel it for a bit. he hates that it happened, but he can understand it. ]

[She moves in to hug him because it feels like the most natural thing in the world, but she stops abruptly, awkwardly, remembering what that brings with it and that he was the one who stopped touching her.]

It got so much worse after that. [His actions at least. She doesn't feel as much guilt about what follows, but there's some.]

[ he takes a breath - man up, winn - and gives her a quick hug, one much shorter than he'd like but he doesn't dare to make it longer because he's so afraid of seeing those images again, seeing more. he'd rather relive his abduction that this front row seat of the kitty-and-another-man (who didn't even make her happy) show. ]

It's okay. You can tell me. I'm not going anywhere.

[ again, his voice sounds foreign to him, so much calmer than he feels, like the vacuum that's been left inside of him has been filled by a much more efficient substitute winn. ]

[She's definitely not thinking of them together physically anymore. At least not at the time of the hug. She's trying her best not to think of any moments and to just express how much she loves Winn and hates upsetting him.]

Thanks.

[When the hug breaks she looks into his eyes for a moment before her gaze dips again.] He attacked them again. It was worse this time. Cross was nearly dead. Looked like he should be dead. He hung him from the church. It was horrific and Allen had already dealt with it, so there was nothing left to do.

...So I burned his bar down. [Not her proudest moment, but also not want she regrets. One she just needed at the time.] I promise that's the only vengeful exgirlfriend move I've ever made. I just...needed to literally burn that bridge so I didn't try going back. [Too bad she can air walk and doesn't actually need bridges.]

I'd also realized he'd held Cross captive in his home...while I was there. He even taunted him in Portuguese I didn't understand yet. [She made damn sure to step up her game after that. It felt like so much more of a betrayal of her and not just a war. He enjoyed it too much.]

That was the last time we broke up.

[ he takes in another breath, not sure how to even begin to process any of that.

he needs something good to focus on, there has to be an angle he can focus on to keep it together until he process it. well - if after all of that she still trusts him - that has to mean she really believes in his not turning into a monster. that's a silver lining. for her to trust him after all of that, he has to be doing something right. ok. he has his good angle to focus on. he's focusing. he'll process later, when he's on his own, when he doesn't have to be strong for her, to reassure her, when he doesn't have to keep his feelings under tight wraps. ]

Kitty, I'm so sorry.

[ that's monstrous, and it's like losing his dad all over again - it hurts so much to think of someone she cared about hurting her like that. okay, yeah, she should have known better. that doesn't make any of this her fault. the two are not mutually exclusive, he doesn't care how it may sound, they just aren't. ]

[She knows she should have known better too. That hurts the most about it. She had a hard time trusting herself afterward. She still does sometimes.] I just wish it had ended there. [There's more story and she might as well finish it.]

It was Reid who helped me through it. [He'd even been there as she watched the bar burn.] And Tyki started...harassing him and threatening him. He'd lost his ties to staying on the straight and narrow so he wasn't trying at all anymore.

[ everything about him tightens. he's glad reid was there for her, but it just makes him all the more unforgettable, doesn't it? ]

Did you have to...? [ did she kill him? he wouldn't feel bad for tyki, and for once he doesn't care what kind of person that would make him, but he hates to think that she was pushed into that corner again. ]

Did I have to what? [She looks confused for a moment as if having understood him so well up until now made he too lazy to be intuitive on her own.]

Oh... Oh. [She sighs.] I tried. Not because of that though. It wasn't until he murdered Ianto—a friend of mine. There wasn't even a reason. No grudge. No fight. Just he wanted to kill someone and Ianto was there. He was unarmed, powerless, not a trained fighter. And Tyki tortured him. Ripped him apart and wrote scripture versus on the walls in his blood. Left one of his arms for me. [This is the part. This is the part that makes all of the rest of it so terrible to her now. The part that fills her with disgust because even messing with Reid she could justify to a tiny extent. There was jealousy on both sides and they were pushing each other's buttons. But killing Ianto so unnecessarily and with so much...flare? He was a monster the whole time.]

That's when I tried to kill him.

[ and just like that, he doesn't care about his fear anymore, his pain, his jealousy, everything else he's feeling - it doesn't matter anymore because if he doesn't hug her now than he's even less worthy of her than he thought.

he pulls her in for a proper hug this time, trying to ignore whatever memories she's projecting in favor of concentrating on the support he wants her to feel from him, the love. ]

[She hugs back tightly and tries so hard to push memories of that bloody scene out of her mind so he doesn't have to see it. She's lived through so much and seen so much tragedy on such a large scope but there was something so needless and artful about that one murder that has really stuck with her. Probably also because it was Tyki who committed it and because it was done in such a nice place where no one needed to hurt anyone else but they still did.]

I love you. [There are more details she should maybe give. Like the way the wardens resurrected Ianto the next day—shaky but alive. Or the way she managed to rip Tyki's powers away even if she couldn't kill him. But right now she just holds on instead.]

I love you too.

[ it doesn't matter just now. there are so many feelings he'll have to deal with it later but right now all that matters is that she know she hasn't lost him, she's not going to lose him because he truly believes she's incapable of doing the sort of things it would take to lose him. she's not tyki, she's not responsible for his actions, he doesn't blame her. ]

Are you okay? [She knows this has been a lot for him. It had to be. He cares about her so much and really feels for the things she's been through. And she could feel the jealousy earlier...]

I'll be fine.

[ he even tries for a smile, it's just reflex for him. what does it matter how he feels, she's the one who went through it. it's his job to be ok, to take care of her, be there for her, make it better - not worse. if he stopped to think about it he'd realize that this is the very behavior that upset her earlier - but the whole reasoning is subconscious, natural, ingrained in him. he'll let himself feel, process, and not be ok, but not right now. ]

How about you?

Not my first time telling it, but still not excited it's a story I have. [She snuggles in closer to him.] I know it probably works out best if only one of us is upset at a time, but you know you can be not fine with me, right? [You don't have to save it for Kara or Cisco or Jim or whoever.]

[ he can't go to kara or cisco or jim or anyone with this - it's her private story. he would never share it. at most, he'll go to jim and work it out by getting his ass thoroughly kicked for a while and taking out some angry energy. though jim would try to get him to talk and he's not sure yet if I can't talk about it because it's not my story to talk about will work with the man or not. he wants to believe it would. he wants to believe someone I love is hurting and there's nothing I can do about it will be reason enough for jim, but can he risk it? he may have to. ]

I know. [ he gives her a little squeeze. he knows that she'll be ok with it, logically, but emotionally he can't, he's never sure, and he knows he won't be ok with himself if he made things worse on her. ]

If you really want, I can think back to the time I was set up on a blind date with a really ugly cat and get all upset. They went all out, put it in a little dress, and everything.

[ trying to lighten the mood may not be the best move, but it's the best one he's got. ]

You can. I mean, you can tell people the story. I trust you. [She doesn't think he'll do it over the network or anything. He'd only tell people he trusts. Besides, it's the truth. She made her choices. Even if he did tell someone she doesn't get along with she could deal with that. Allen knows. It's not going to feel personal to anyone else. Well, Kurt maybe. But she isn't hiding it from Kurt anymore than she was hiding it from Winn. Just...not eager to talk about it.]

You can tell me about the cat too if you want. Did that really happen? [Is she supposed to laugh because she feels bad for him, assuming it was a mean-spirited prank and not just silliness between friends.]

I won't betray that trust.

[ he doesn't want to tell people the story it's just -- hard to explain why he's upset without touching on it. not that he thinks anyone really would pry too hard once he mentions it's about kitty. none of his friends seem overly eager to listen to him talk about their relationship - actually they more like actively shut him up. ok so kara asked a couple times but he's pretty sure that was just to be polite and even if it weren't he'd feel weird giving her details since she and kitty are such good friends too. ]

Yeah...yeah, it did. And sadly, that wasn't my worst date ever.

[ he nods. he can sort of laugh about it now, but yeah, it was mean. you have to have friends for silliness between friends. he thought he had one but then...he set him up with a cat. ]

I know. [Having someone in your life you can trust is so much better than having someone in your life you think you'll safely never trust.]

You have much better luck dating Kittys than cats. [She kisses his cheek and then softly.] I'm your friend.

I mean, I'm a lot more than your friend too, but, I am your friend. One of many now. [She's not feeling sorry for herself. She's assuring him that lonely life is in his past.]

[ he really loves her a whole lot for making that joke; it may be silly, but it just fills him with warm and fuzzies that she went there. ]

Yeah I do.

[ he smiles. ]

I have the best luck.

[ he runs his fingers through her hair. not coping with all the darkness she shared with him just yet is working out great for him at just this second because it allows him to just marvel at her, and he'd much rather she'd sense that from him than all those other things. ]

There's a reason why 'friend' is still part of the boyfriend/girlfriend title.

[ in some ways she's the best friend he's ever had because no one has ever been this perceptive, this caring towards him. oh kara cares he would never knock how deeply kara cares for him it means the world to him and more! but if he doesn't say it, or show it very clearly, she doesn't ask. kitty can tell just by looking at his face that there's something she needs to push out of him and much as he hates that he needs it - he really does need it. ]

[Sighing softly, she nuzzles in against him and lightly brushes her fingers through his hair. It feels good to know he feels good with her especially after everything that came up. But some of what he marvels at gives her pause.]

Don't give up on me if I lose that. [Her voice is small. A little needier than she wants it to sound. It's just that she knows one of the things that broke between her and Reid is that she had a harder time understanding him once he returned. She was so full of self doubt and insecurity. It clouded things and if he was making an effort to bridge the gap then she missed that too. She never stopped caring, but she wasn't so perceptive. Or maybe she was and he was pushing away and she assumed she was wrong instead of seeing it for what it was. She still doesn't know for sure. Probably some of both.]

[ there it is again - another comparison to reid. another comparison he can't refute because he's terrible at talking about the things that bother him, at explaining them. he can't promise he won't ever give her a reason to doubt like that. he always tries, but his last miserable failure was - oh yeah - today. he wants to reassure her that he's not going to ever push her away, that he won't ever get petty and shut in, but he can't. he's done that before. it's very likely he'll do it again, much as he hates it. ]

Don't give up on me if I make you lose it.

[ because it would be his fault, wouldn't it. it'd mean he changed, he got better at hiding, he shut in more and more, turned more into his dad again. bitterness and defiance both spring inside him - he doesn't want to stand for this, but he's always scared that he would, because that has always been his instinct. ]

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